Hey Sportsfans — it's time for Week 4 of baseball's 2020 Power Rankings — Four weeks into the season and we've learned a lot: some teams win, some teams lose, and some don't play baseball at all. We solider on, trying to make sense of a season best described as 'baseball as viewed by a drunk Jake Peavy through a broken kaleidoscope'.
You may notice the Cardinals are being treated differently this week.
There was one tie this week between the #22 and #23 teams -- our 2nd tiebreaker, run differential, was used to break. Difference of just two runs!
Every voter has their own style / system and the only voting instructions are these:

"To an extent determined individually, you must take into account how strong a team is right now and likely to be going forward. You must, to some degree, give weight to the events and games of the previous week."

The auxiliary post with added data / fun can be seen here.
TRANSPARENCY: this link will show you who voted each team where and has added neat statistics!
If something is a little messed up, feel free to ~~pester me~~ let me know.
Total Votes: 29 of 30. So close.

#	Team	Δ	Comment	Record
1	Dodgers	+1	Ohhhhh Mooookieeee, when you caaame and you gaaave without taaakinnnng, and I need ya today ohhhh Mookie. I am in love. Hell, even AJ Pollock did the impossible, and won me over despite his 0 for everything playoffs last year. Now if only Cody could find himself... Here's the scary part: The Dodgers are rolling and they are nowhere near playing at their ceiling. If you can't beat this team while its firing on half its cylinders, how the hell do you beat them when they're firing on all of them?	11-5
2	Yankees	-1	Bit of a rough week for the Yankees, but the bats are still alive and well against pitchers I've never heard of. Everyone knows Judge leads the league in HR, but did you know DJ leads the league in Singles? Great to see him having a bit of a repeat from last season's performance. Additionally, Britton and Green have been fantastic out of the pen, and Chapman is going to be back at some point.	10-6
3	Athletics	+4	Mon. had a ten run W vs. the M's. Next was TEX- Piscotty hit the 2nd walk-off GS of our year then we finished a quick sweep. The HOU series opener was cursed- we had 15 LOBs, left a runner on 3rd with 0/1 outs 3 seperate times, but down to our last strike A. Allen hit a single and M. Semien sealed the game. Montas/Luzardo/Bassit were dynamic and our pen is the league's best. Our lineup might lead MLB in Ks, but we're second in BBs. Just before sweeping the cheats R. Laureano, worth 1 bWAR, got his 2nd HBP of the day. We lead the league in those. After jawing at the RP, he arrived at 1st base. Their batting coach, a human dirtbag, taunted our mvp into a brawl even if it was he worked for a club shamed by scandals and a HS JV quality bullpen.	12-4
4	Braves	0	Roller-coaster week for the Braves. We lost our ace for the season. We got Markakis back and Will Smith made his debut. Acuña quadrupled his homer total in one day and Freeman continues to hit. Still looking good for us, but we definitely need to make a move. Our bullpen is incredible, but this meme made by u/riseupidemic sums it up: Our bullpen is doing big things, but...	11-6
5	Twins	-2	We capped off a six game winning streak with a 4 game losing streak. Some were pretty flukey, but we really need the bats to wake up. Also, having three starters on the IL isn't ideal.	10-6
6	Cubs	0	The Cubs played well against the Royals, and then the Cardinals series was postponed. With no evidence that any Cardinals players actually went to a casino or broke protocol more than any other team, I believe that fans making moral judgments against the Cardinals are wrong. Perhaps we shouldn't blame teams for getting a deadly disease during a global pandemic; getting the coronavirus is not a moral indictment. Let's be better fans and better people as the world is falling apart.	10-3
7	Indians	+2	The Tribe pitching continues to dazzle - the rotation has put up a quality start in all but two games, one of which was 5.2 shutout innings. Meanwhile the bullpen has a sub-1 ERA if you take away a single nightmare outing by Brad Hand. The less said about the batting order the better, but there's no way they can rank dead last in BA and SLG all year, right guys? G-g-guys?	10-7
8	Rockies	+6	The Rockies have the 2nd best run differential in baseball going into Sunday's games due in large part to their starting pitching. Their offense has been middle of the pack so far but that's with Nolan Arenado hitting about as poor as we've ever seen from him. Charlie Blackmon is the early favorite for NL MVP as he racks up a .446/.475/.679 slash. Last week: 5-2. This week: 3 vs AZ & 3 vs Texas.	11-4
9	Rays	-1	A return to Dome Sweet Dome is what the Rays needed to right the ship, splitting the sox and winning a tight series with the Yankees. The bats still need to come around, you would think it'd be hard to stay ice cold in Florida and all. The most inspiring things for Rays fans this week were the retunr of Austin Meadows and having a non-Zunino catcher not only bat, but also get the clutch walkoff to send the Yanks home. Let us all pray Charlie Morton is ok and flap on.	8-8
10	Padres	+1	The Pads scored every one of their fourteen runs in the Arizona series by way of the long ball. We got to see Luis Pattiño in some relief after being called up, and saw Hos return to action. Fernando Tatis Jr. is very good at baseball. This week we started against the Dodgers, then played the D’Backs, while looking ahead we play the Dodgers, then have a series against the D’Backs…	9-7
11	Astros	-6	Our pitching is, for the most part, bad. Seriously, almost our entire bullpen is comprised of AA and A rookies with a handful of MLB appearances under their belt. When the pitching is not bad, our offense is bad and we can't provide enough run support. I've seen enough extra inning games this season. Hard to feel confident in the team right now, but hopefully the beginning of a homestand will turn things around.	6-9
12	White Sox	+1	Eloy getting tangled in the left field netting is going to be on lowlight reels for a long time and his 0-20 slide makes it worse. Thankfully, we're looking at a 4 day weekend with the Cards series in doubt. If you told the fanbase in the spring we would be 8-8 after 16 games, most would be happy. A week of the offense averaging 2.5 runs makes 8-8 feel a lot worse. On the plus side, Giolito has looked like an ace again and Moncada is on a 20 game on base streak.	8-8
13	Brewers	-1	Props to BeHereNow91 for stealing my lead in about Yelich this past week, short version Yelich is rocking a 1.400 OPS this week. A few other key players have been getting some really interesting BABIP stats. Hiura with his .333 BABIP and only .250 AVG and Gyorko with the .375 BABIP/.250 AVG split.	6-7
14	Reds	+2	It’s a special kind of hell having the best rotation in the entire league and the worst bullpen in the entire league. Yesterday’s loss was a microcosm of the season: leading 2-1 going into the 6th inning and trailing 9-2 by the end of the 7th. Michael Lorenzen has surrendered 10 earned runs in 5.1 innings while the combination of Gray, Bauer, Disco, and Mahle have allowed the same number in 64.1 innings. If you remove Tejay Antone’s stellar mopup job against Chicago, the Reds’ bullpen has an unfathomably bad 8.32 ERA. In other news, they’re batting .203 as a team and got shutout by the Indians two nights in a row.	7-9
15	Nationals	-5	The Nats did not respond well coming out of their break. They have played poorly against AL East power-team, the Baltmiore Orioles, and have not given a lot of reason for hope. However, Sean Doolittle is a national treasure and it is completely unacceptable to harass a human on Twitter for poor sports performance. If you logged into your account and tweeted or DM'd Doo, you should be ashamed of yourself and turn in your World Series gear because you don't deserve it.	4-7
16	Mets	+4	This was an interesting week. Just when you think the Mets are in freefall they come back, and go 4-2, including taking 2 of 3 from "The Best Team in the League" (technically, at the time) Miami Marlins. On top of that Conforto is swinging a hot bat, the team has scored a couple of actual runs, and deGrom even got a win (two in a row!). However, Alonso is quickly turning into Adam Dunn with a better (at times) glove, and the bullpen is still shaky despite Jared Hughes being the bright spot nobody saw coming. Well, what's see what this next week brings... together :) #GiménezNLROY2020	7-9
17	Phillies	0	The Phillies didn't have all that bad of a week all things considered. After a week long break, they split a series with the Yankees and went 1-2 against the Braves. Harper and Realmuto have looked great, and the introduction of Spencer Howard a better (?) Arrieta means the Phillies might just have a servicable rotation. The bullpen is a different story. If they can somehow put together a not terrible bullpen, they should have a shot at the playoffs and maybe some more.	4-6
18	Marlins	+9	What this team has been able to do with a bunch of replacement players is a testament to the coaching staff Miami has. Primarily, the bullpen. We may have even found a couple diamonds in the rough. That being said, replacement batters havent fared as well. After some initial success, solid Mets pitching has shown that the lineup sorely misses Ramirez, Rojas, Cooper and Alfaro at the plate. Once our guys come back from covid, this team should be able to finish out tough games like yesterdays. Wouldnt be a surprised to see them finish at or slightly above .500 this season. We got Blue jays and Braves this week.	7-3
19	Tigers	+6	Don't look now, but Detrot is one half game off the lead for the AL Central, making these boys rather tough to rank. If the Tigers can continue to be competitive, look to find Casey Mize getting the call sooner rather than later to help shore up the back end of the rotation. This week: 3 vs. CWS, 2 vs STL (although this is unlikely), and 3 vs. CLE.	8-5
20	Orioles	+4	It's week 4 and the Orioles are at .500. A miracle if you ask me. They get swept by the Marlins (probably to avoid COVID) and then should have swept the Nats. Can anyone explain to me why the Yankees got a rain shortened win earlier this year and the Orioles have their game suspended? Weird...	7-7
21	Angels	-3	Sometimes, a single play captures a season perfectly.	5-11
22	Rangers	0	Wear a mask. Wash your hads. Started the weekend with the worst record in the AL, now 2nd place in the AL West with a playoff spot after a sweep of the Angels and still 2 games below .500. That's the Rangers way.	6-8
23	Blue Jays	-7	The Buffalo Blue Jays are finally going home! The first MLB game at Sahlen field will take place on Tuesday, and the migratory birds will be able to settle in. Hopfully it will lead to the bats waking up. The Jays have been the 5th worst hitting team in baseball by wRC+, posting a pitiful line of .218/.277/.366. Good thing the pitching has been good.	5-8
24	Giants	-3		7-10
25	Red Sox	-2	Decent week for the Sox this time around. Our pitching staff came to play for once, however with impeccable timing the offense decided to disappear for a bit, leaving us with a respectable 3-2 record for the week. Of note is Verdugo, who had a standout game against Toronto with 2 HRs as well as robbing one from off of none other than Former-Red-Sock Travis Shaw. Calling it now, Verdugo 2022 AL MVP	6-9
26	D-Backs	-6	D-backs continue to underperform their talent level as their streaky offense can't buoy a terrible, no-good pitching staff. MadBum hasn't looked like himself all year and is currently being evaluated for back issues in Phoenix, while Ray is as frustrating as ever. Zac Gallen and Merrill Kelly have looked legitimately fantastic, but it's hard to get by on two good starting pitching performances a week.	6-10
27	Royals	+1	A winning streak and a sweep of the Twins? Really? That just happened? While Brad Keller helps the rotation, and getting rid of Jorge Lopez helps any pitching staff, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. This is still a rebulding team, and while the sudden show of competence is nice, the Royals are not suddenly going to contend for the postseason. Unless Lopez was that fucking useless...	7-10
28	Mariners	-2	Justus Sheffield claimed his first career win this past week. Another bright light in a ridiculous season. Once baseball returns for real, the Mariners should be a force to reckon with as the new guys are looking fantastic. Evan White's glove is a beautiful thing.	6-11
29	Pirates	0	D̷̥̗̬͇͕̗͕̙̱̪̄̈́̆̃̔̂͆̍̆̒̓͛̑͝ȩ̶̣̞̣̻͈̲̰͉̰̪̏͛̅̅̈́͑̉̅̓̌̊͒͠͠a̵̡̡̙͚̭͕̳͕̖͔̫̪̘̐̓̿ͅr̸̡̧̢̙̞̤͙͍̭͕̦͙͈̀̍͋͋͜ͅ ̴̡̗̲̗͍̣̞̝̤̜̱̑͆͊͂͂̽̋̒̾͘̕͜T̴͈̝̥͚͂͘̚ẁ̶̢͎̱͈̳̘̜̙͆͐̈́͂͐̈́̔͊̂̕͠i̷̩̩̹̫̫̾́͌́̿͂̑͐͋͝͝n̶̡̧̠̘̝̟͔̩̫̩͈̰̍̔̽̈́̈́̕̚s̸͔̖̈́̈̇̐͘̚ͅ ̷̛͓͙̙͇͔̯̻̟͓̣̫͖͖͈͗̍̂͂͌̔̈́̽͊̐͋͒̇̕ͅǎ̴̢͎̪͇̬͔̻̼̯̀̀̋͂ͅn̵̳̩̰̠̱̳̯͕͊̔͐̿͛̇̊́̄͂͝d̵̡̹͓̣̺̪̦̺̗͊̈́͌̃̈́̆ͅ ̴̡̗̮̤̣͙̗̰̗̊͂͊̑̍͊̒̀̚͝T̵͇͍̯̄̑̈͛͗̉̅͂i̷̩̱̇̈́̈́g̴̡̧̣͈̪͉̹͈̞̺̜͖͕͇͋͐͒̿̚͝ͅe̷̮͊̌̈̃̔̂̇̊͌͘͜͝r̶̨̛̛̭̺͉͎͍̘̗͊̎̀͗͛̍͌́͊̉͒s̴̫̭͍͉̠̰̙̍̈́̋̕͝:̴̡̨͚̭̥͉͖͎͍̪͖͙͚̝͓̀̈́͂̄̌̾̒̂ ̶̨̢̢̫̱͉̣̥͈̈́T̸̡̧̢̩̖̼͈̮̙̟̬̹͕̈́̈̎͗͘͝h̵̢̥̳̣͔̜͈̝͎͎́̎̂̊́a̸̧̻̝̪̝͎̙̟͕̬̾͐̌̎̕ṅ̸̛͇̲̻͍̦͙̏̓͊̉̀͆̓̽̓̿̕k̵͍̳̰͉͑̑̊͌̆̃͒̚͠͝ ̶̛̱̮͈̙͖̫̉́͛̔̄͒̾͐͐̀̏͝ͅy̷̧̛̻̬͉̤̥͔̩̼̲͊̂̅͜ͅo̵͇̬͔̣̼̰̟̐̑͒̽͒̐̀̕̕ͅṷ̶̧̧̢̬̳͕̙̖̺̫̹̮̤̪̈́̌͂̒̔̽̉͂̅̇̕ ̶͇̻͓̱̘͔͚̙͙̟̉̋́̽͑̈́͌ͅͅf̵̛̮̈́͗͛̔̉̕͝ó̸̢̞̲͕̫̳͈͙͙̎̀̕͜͜ŕ̶̨͉̞̠̠̤̳̯̻̱̬̩̻̽̇̄̀̒̈͊̈͛͊ ̵̧̢̙̝͎͚̙̩̺̥̙̱̝̈͛̒̅̓̎͠ͅh̵̯̄̍͊e̷͍̗̞̬̪̣͙̦͇̲̓̈́̾̀̃̑́̽̀͌̀̍̚͝ͅl̵͈͖̰̭͐̂͑͝͠p̵̠͌͌̇͗̅į̷̨̡̱̻̭̮͖͗͐͗́͜͠ͅn̸̢̨̛̟̯̫̦̰̻̘̠̻̗̯g̸̢̥̯͊́̅͗̈́̉̇̿̈́͝ ̵̛̜̮̮̲̝͊́̀̄̈́̏̑͒͘͠t̴̤̥̓̐̾̄ḩ̴͖̼̞͔̱̦͎̞͆̇̋͆́͛́̓͘͝͝ė̷̛̥̠̏͌̎͗̀͒̃̓́̚͠ ̵̧͍̦͖̯͛̊̽͛͆̅͂̔̒́̇̿͘P̴̝̭̬̬̣̿̾͒̈́͌́̈í̵̡̭̠͈̦͕͕͓͚̲̓͋̎̈́͊̈̊̍̇͗͒̉͘͝t̶̢̨̡̩͚̖͇͍͍̥͈̀̒̀́̒͊̐̎͝t̶͍̪͚̻̭͍̩̼̮̰̺͌ş̵̨̠̮̱͔̪͕̜͎̻̳̱̆̇̈́̄͝͝͠b̸̡̮̝̯̗̥͋̓̾̃̈́u̵̳͂͌̈́͛̽̀̈́̾͝͝r̴͇̲̟̓̃̿͌̇̍̈͘͝͠ǧ̴̝̯̲̙̠̜̲̱͋͌h̷̢̢̡̛̬̹͈̠̰̼̼̭̤̹͂̑͗̂̌̈́̇͘͝ ̶̱̪̝̦̭̮͙̮̬͊P̸̢̤͈̰̠̟̹͕̐͂̋̃̌͌̓͝͠í̸̢͚̟͇̣̏̾̌ŗ̵̲͙͓͇͖̝̳̻̖̔̑̂̏̂̕͝ä̵͕̱̤̝̥̪͇̮͙̖́̑͒̈́͐ț̴̢̛̛͉͈̪̙̜̖͍͔͉͂̃̓̈́͛͒̋̆̈́͜͜ͅe̶͈̠̔̄̈́̐͒s̵̜͙͖͉̪̝̘̼̏̇̋̃͋̏͗̍̍͊̓͊̕̕ ̴̨̯̯̭̻͚͈̜̯̺̤̗̂͊͂̊̂̓̾̆̔͑̌̈́̕͝ồ̵̡̨̝̬͈̮̲̲̥́̽̆͂̅̓̽̄̈́̕̚͠͝ͅn̶̲͉͍̞̍̀̓̌̿͆͂̅̄̀̀̃͠͝ͅ ̷̳͖̭̤͓̹̞͚͉̥͔̟̱̣̍̂̽͜t̸̨̥̣̪͚̘̻͔̳̠̲̦̺̰͐̀̿̂͌̅͝ḥ̶̛͍͙̗͎̪̬̱̰̙̄͛̌͋̋ẻ̶͍̦͖̥͎͆́́͂̈́̚ͅḯ̸̢̜̖̖͍̭̙̱̙̘̫̙̂͑̀͒̓ͅr̷̼̯̗̙̞̼̄̈́ ̶̡̨̳͔̦̂̾̈͑͝͝ͅq̴̡̛̙͕̺̗̪̜͇͉͕̱̟̩̊͌̈́̐́̔͐̓͌́͛̈̏͝u̴̡̥͓͍̭̿̀̆̃̃̎̓̽̓͊̓͝͠ę̷͓̗͈͚͙̒̎͌͘̕s̶̡̝̮͚̜̣͚͇̖̭͖̓̈́̃̔͊̿͗̓̚̕ͅͅt̸̻̝̜̺̺̳͍̜͎̹͖̔̎̏̓̃̇̀̀̏̚̚ ̴̧̳̱̣̯͓̗̞̰̻̆͂̆̍̂͑̀͐̃̈̌͋̾͆͜f̵̣̻̝̹̖̱͍̂̽ơ̴̡̛͖̝̮͕̜̞̣̤̩̜̦̜̑̅̉͒̿̋̆̉͠r̸̨̙̹͚̰̣͓͐͆̋͆̓͂̆̃̓̃͂͛̌̿̃ ̸̢̨̙͓̱̫̯͉͙̘̙͙̻͇͆K̶͉̲̞̪̮̜̤͉͉̗̖̿̆́̂̀̄̍́͑ͅͅų̴̜͇͕͔̲̺̭͍̩͗̾̉̊̀̊̆̚ṃ̵̧̡̢̣̞̮͇͓̱̥̹̒̈ͅͅą̵͖̞̖̼̣̠̤̥̪͚͋͌̀̽̋͝r̵̢͚̬̺̍͒̂̒̽̏͝ͅ ̸̮̀̄̐̀͊̿̋͂͌̆̈̕͝R̷̡̨̬͚͙̫̻̱͍̬̭̅̿͒͋͒́̿̇̆̕ǫ̵̨̖̗̳͍̹͉̤̘̯̣͕͊̔̈̍̏͋̊͐̅͛͝ͅc̶͖̪̙̣̲̤̖͚̠̹̖̳̞͙̏̅̐͜ḵ̷̢̨̘̙̹͕̠̙͍̳͙̠͙͒͒̅̒ͅe̸̢̻̦̮̻͌̉̄̉̀̎̇́̇̽̑̓͂ŗ̴̗͙̲̝̱̠̭͙͕̮̯̱͠	3-13

N/A, Quarantined Rank: 17||Cardinals|-2| 5 games lul |2-3

Anonymity by State/Country: Comprehensive Global Guide III

Ever since i started playing regularly, i've researched anonymity in places. Here is what i have for each state plus a bunch of other countries. If anything is outdated or incorrect, please comment.
United States
Alabama: No current lottery. Source: https://www.wtvy.com/content/news/Lottery-bill-other-legislation-is-likely-dead-in-Alabama-legislature-569059451.html
Alaska: No current lottery/Not Anonymous. "Unlike most other states, Alaska doesn’t have a state-sponsored lottery." Source: https://www.lotterycritic.com/lottery-results/alaska/ Alaska does permit charities to run lotteries, the largest one is Not Anonymous. Source: http://www.lottoalaska.com/
Alaska's governor has proposed a bill to create an official Alaska State Lottery. Source: https://apnews.com/78cacca5137f6b47e41be2de37600044
American Samoa: No current lottery. Source: https://simonsblogpark.com/onlinegambling/simons-guide-to-gambling-in-american-samoa/amp/
Arizona: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner for all wins of $100,000 and over. Source: https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/arizona-becomes-latest-state-shield-lottery-winners-names-n995696
Arkansas: Not Anonymous/Other entities unclear. "Winner information is subject to disclosure under the Arkansas Freedom of Information Act (FOIA). A winner who receives a prize or prize payment from the ASL grants the ASL, its agents, officers, employees, and representatives the right to use, publish (in print or by means of the Internet) and reproduce the winner’s name, physical likeness, photograph, portraits, and statements made by the winner, and use audio sound clips and video or film footage of the winner for the purpose of press releases, advertising, and promoting the ASL". Source: https://www.myarkansaslottery.com/claim-your-prize
California: Not Anonymous/Only individuals can claim. “ The name and location of the retailer who sold you the winning ticket, the date you won and the amount of your winnings are also matters of public record and are subject to disclosure. You can form a trust prior to claiming your prize, but our regulations do not allow a trust to claim a prize. Understand that your name is still public and reportable”. Source: https://static.www.calottery.com/~/media/Publications/Popular_Downloads/winners-handbook-October%202018-%20English.pdf
Colorado: Not Anonymous/Anonymous via trust. “As part of the Open Records Act, we are required to release to the public your name, hometown, amount you won and the game you played. This information will be posted on coloradolottery.com and will be furnished to media upon request.” Source: https://www.coloradolottery.com/en/games/lotto/claim-winnings/ Source: https://denver.cbslocal.com/2016/01/15/in-colorado-and-other-states-lottery-winners-can-keep-names-secret/
Connecticut: Not Anonymous/Anonymous via a trust or LLC, "Certain information about our winners is public information: Winner's name and place of residence, date of claim, game played, prize amount won, and the selling retailer's name and location. While most winners claim prizes using their individual names, some winners come forward using other legal entities (i.e., trusts, business partnership) to claim their prizes. In those instances, the Lottery will promote the win using that legal entity's name. For more information about such instances, please consult your personal accountant or legal advisor.” Source: https://www.ctlottery.org/Content/winner_publicity.aspx
Delaware: 100% Anonymous if requested by winner. "Many winners have chosen to remain anonymous, as allowed by state law, but their excitement is yours to share!" Source: https://www.delottery.com/Winners and https://www.delottery.com/FAQs
DC: Not Anonymous/Anonymous via a trust or LLC. Anonymous question is not directly answered on lottery website. "In the District of Columbia, specific lottery winner information is public record." However, a Powerball Jackpot win was claimed via a LLC in 2009. Source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/05/04/AR2009050402008.html
Florida: Not Anonymous/Anonymous via LLC. "Florida Lottery winners cannot remain anonymous. Florida law mandates that the Florida Lottery provide the winner's name, city of residence, game won, date won and amount won to any third party who requests the information; however Florida Lottery winners' home addresses and telephone numbers are confidential." Source: http://www.flalottery.com/faq
The Florida Lottery allows trusts to claim it, however winner information is still released in compliance with the law. A $15 Million jackpot was claimed by an LLC. Source: https://www.fox13news.com/amp/consumehit-the-lottery-remain-anonymous-not-in-florida Source: http://flalottery.com/pressRelease?searchID=199128
Georgia: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner for all prizes over $250,000. Source: https://www.stl.news/georgia-governor-signs-bill-allowing-lottery-winners-remain-anonymous/121962/
Guam: Anonymity appears to be an option. Source: https://www.kuam.com/story/11218413/guamanian-wins-big-in-sportsbingo-but-has-yet-to-claim-2m-prize
Hawaii: No current lottery. Source: https://www.kitv.com/story/40182224/powerball-or-mega-millions-lottery-in-hawaii
Idaho: Not Anonymous."By claiming a winning lottery ticket over $600, winners become subject to Idaho’s Public Records Law. This means your “win” becomes an offcial Idaho public record. Your full name, the town where you live, the game you won, the amount you won (before and after taxes), the name of the retailer where you bought the ticket, and the amount the retailer receives for selling the ticket are all a matter of public record." Can seek anonymity if you have specific security concerns (rarely granted). Source: https://www.idaholottery.com/images/uploads/general/winnersguideweb.pdf
Illinois: Not Anonymous/Anonymous if requested by winner for all wins over $250,000 however info will be released to a FOIA request. "However, Murphy also cooperated with the Illinois Press Association in adding an amendment that ensures that Freedom of Information Act, an act designed to keep government agencies transparent by allowing the public to access any public record by request, supersedes the privacy law, according to attorney Don Craven, the press association’s legal counsel." Source: https://www.thetelegraph.com/news/article/Hidden-riches-Big-lottery-winner-in-Beardstown-13626173.php
Indiana: Not Anonymous/Anonymous via LLC or trust. "Indiana law allows lottery jackpot winners to remain anonymous, with the money being claimed by a limited liability company or legal trust." Source: https://www.chicagotribune.com/nation-world/ct-indiana-mega-millions-winners-20160729-story.html
Iowa: Not Anonymous/Can use a trust to claim but information will be released. "When you win an Iowa Lottery prize of $600 or more, you have to fill out a winner claim form that includes your name, address and Social Security number before you can claim your winnings. Iowa law makes the information on that claim form public, meaning that anyone can request a copy of the form to see who has won the prize. We redact sensitive information, such as your Social Security number, from the form before we release it, but all other details are considered public information under Iowa law (Iowa Code Section 99G.34(5)." Source: https://www.ialotteryblog.com/2008/11/can-prize-winne.html.
For group play, "Prizes can be paid to players who play as a group. A check can be written to an entity such as a trust or to a single individual." Source: https://ialottery.com/pages/Games/ClaimingPrizes.aspx
Kansas: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. "Kansas is one of a handful of states that does not have this requirement. If you win a prize in Kansas, you may request that your identity not be released publicly." Source: https://www.kslottery.com/faqs#faq-8
Kentucky: Anonymity appears to be an option. Anonymity or who can claim is not addressed on lottery website. But multiple instances of winners claiming anonymously have been reported in the news. "Kentucky Lottery spokesman Chip Polson said the $1 million Powerball winner claimed the prize on May 15 and the Mega Million winner claimed the prize on May 12. He confirmed that both players wanted their identity to remain a secret." Source: https://www.courier-journal.com/story/news/local/2017/05/19/two-1-million-lottery-winners-who-bought-tickets-louisville-want-privacy/101870414/
Louisiana: Not Anonymous/Anonymous via trust. "Under the Lottery's statute, all prize payment records are open records, meaning that the public has a right to request the information. Depending upon the amount won and public or media interest in the win, winners may NOT be able to remain anonymous. The statute also allows the Lottery to use winners' names and city of residence for publicity purposes such as news releases. The Lottery's regular practice is not to use winner information in paid advertising or product promotion without the winner's willingness to participate. Source: https://louisianalottery.com/faq/easy-5#35 Source: https://louisianalottery.com/article/1050/the-williams-trust-claims-share-of-50-million-powerball-jackpot
Maine: Not Anonymous/Anonymous via trust. "In the event that Maine does have a Mega Millions winner, he or she can opt to remain anonymous — but Boardman says that’s never happened. “What a winner could do in Maine is they could file their claim in the name of a trust, and the trust becomes the winner. So that’s how a winner could claim their ticket anonymously,” he says." Source: https://www.mainepublic.org/post/lottery-official-reminds-mainers-they-re-exceedingly-unlikely-win-16-billion-jackpot
Maryland*: Not Anonymous by Law, Anonymous in Practice. "However, the legal basis for this anonymity in Maryland is thin. The Maryland Lottery does not advertise that lottery winners may remain anonymous, but it posts articles on its website about winners and notes those winners who have “chosen to remain anonymous:” Source: https://www.gw-law.com/blog/anonymity-maryland-lottery-winners
*"Please note that this anonymity protection does not apply to second-chance and Points for Drawings contests run through the My Lottery Rewards program. Those contests are run as promotions for the Lottery. As such, they are operated under a different set of rules than our draw games and scratch-off games. The rules of participating in our second-chance and Points for Drawings contests state that winners' identities are published."" Source: https://www.mdlottery.com/about-us/faqs/
Massachusetts: Not Anonymous/Anonymous via trust "Lottery regulations state that a claimant's name, city or town, image, amount of prize, claim date and game are public record. Therefore, photographs may be taken and used to publicize winnings." Source: https://www.masslive.com/news/2018/05/lottery_sees_increase_in_winne.html
Michigan: Not Anonymous for Powerball and Mega Millions/100% Anonymous if requested by the winner for all other winners over $10,000. "Winner Anonymity. Michigan law requires written consent before disclosing the identity of the winner of $10,000 or more from the State lottery games Lotto47 and Fantasy 5. You further understand and agree that your identity may be disclosed, and that disclosure may be required, as the winner of any prize from the multi-state games Powerball and Mega Millions." Source: https://www.michiganlottery.com/games/mega-millions
Minnesota: Not Anonymous. Anonymity or who can claim is not addressed on lottery website but lottery blog states "In Minnesota, lottery winners cannot remain anonymous. A winner's name, city, prize amount won and the place that the winning ticket was sold is public data and will be released to media and posted on our website." Source: https://www.mnlottery.com/blog/you-won-now-what
Mississippi: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. "In accordance with the Alyce G. Clarke Mississippi Lottery Law, the Mississippi Lottery will not disclose the identity of the person holding a winning lottery ticket without that person's written permission." Source: https://www.mslotteryhome.com/players/faqs/
Missouri: Not Anonymous. "At the Lottery Headquarters, a member of the Lottery's communications staff will ask you questions about your win, such as how many tickets you bought, when you found out that you won and what you plan to do with your prize money. This information will be used for a news release. You will also be asked, but are not required, to participate in a news conference, most likely at the store where you purchased your winning ticket." Source: http://www.molottery.com/whenyouwin/jackpotwin.shtm
A Missouri State Legislator has submitted a bill to the State House to give lottery winners anonymity. Source: https://www.kfvs12.com/2020/02/25/mo-house-considers-legislation-protect-identity-lottery-winners/
Montana: Not Anonymous/Anonymous via trust. "In Montana, by law, certain information about lottery winners is considered public. That information includes: the winner's name, the amount won and the winner's community of residence. Winners may choose to claim as an individual or they may choose to form a trust and claim their prize as a trust. If a trust claims a lottery prize, the name of the trust is considered public information. A trust must have a federal tax identification number in order to claim a Montana Lottery prize." Source: https://www.montanalottery.com/en/view/about-faqs
Nebraska: Not Anonymous/Anonymous via LLC. Anonymity or who can claim is not addressed on lottery website but a winner created a legal entity to claim anonymously in 2014. "Nebraska Lottery spokesman Neil Watson said with the help of a Kearney lawyer, the winner or winners have created a legal entity called Carpe Diem LLC." Source: https://journalstar.com/news/state-and-regional/nebraska/m-nebraska-powerball-winner-to-remain-anonymous/article_a044d0f0-99a7-5302-bcb9-2ce799b3a798.html
A Nebraska State Legislator has now filed a bill to give 100% Anonymity to all winners over $300,000 who request it. Source: https://journalstar.com/news/state-and-regional/nebraska/anonymity-for-lottery-winners-bill-would-give-privacy-to-those/article_1cdba44d-c8bb-5971-b73f-2eecc8cd4625.html
Nevada: No current lottery. Source: https://www.reviewjournal.com/business/casinos-gaming/heres-why-you-cant-play-powerball-in-nevada/
New Hampshire: Not Anonymous/Anonymous via a trust. Anonymity or who can claim is not addressed on lottery website but a winner successfully sued the lottery and won the right to remain anonymous in 2018. Source: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2018/03/12/winner-of-a-560-million-powerball-jackpot-can-keep-the-money-and-her-secret-judge-rules/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.bec2db2f7d2c
New Jersey: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Source: https://www.nj.com/politics/2020/01/win-big-you-can-claim-those-nj-lottery-winnings-anonymously-under-new-law.html
New Mexico: Not Anonymous. “Winners of $10,000 or more will have name, city, game played, and prize amount and photo on website.” Can seek anonymity if you have specific security concerns (rarely granted). Source: https://www.nmlottery.com/uploads/FileLinks/82400d81a0ce468daab29ebe6db3ec27/Winner_Publicity_Policy_6_1_07.pdf
New York: Not Anonymous/Anonymous via a LLC. Anonymity or who can claim is not addressed on lottery website but per Gov. Cuomo: "For the past 40 years, individuals wishing to keep their name and information out of the public view have created LLCs to collect their winnings for them." Source: https://nypost.com/2018/12/09/cuomo-vetoes-bill-allowing-lotto-winners-to-remain-anonymous/
North Carolina: Not Anonymous. "North Carolina law allows lottery winners' identity to remain confidential only if they have an active protective order against someone or participate in the state's "Address Confidentiality Program" for victims of domestic violence, sexual offense, stalking or human trafficking." Source: https://www.charlotteobserver.com/news/local/article54548645.html
North Dakota: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Source: https://www.kfyrtv.com/home/headlines/ND-Powerball-Winners-Have-Option-to-Remain-Anonymous-364918121.html
Northern Mariana Islands: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Source: https://www.nmsalottery.com/game-rules/
Ohio: Not Anonymous/Anonymous via trust. Anonymity or who can claim is not addressed on lottery website but appears to have an anonymous option. "The procedure from there was a little cumbersome. I needed to create two separate trusts. One trust was to appoint me, as the trustee on behalf of the winner, to contact the Lottery Commission and accept the Lottery winnings. The secondary trust was set up for me as trustee of the first trust, to transfer the proceeds to the second trust with the winner as the beneficiary. This enabled me to present the ticket, accept the proceeds, and transfer it to the winner with no public record or disclosure." Source: https://www.altickcorwin.com/Articles/How-To-Claim-Lottery-Winnings-Anonymously.shtml
Oklahoma: Not Anonymous/Anonymous via trust or LLC. In accordance with the Oklahoma Open Records Act and the Oklahoma Education Lottery Act, the name of any individual, corporation, partnership, unincorporated association, limited liability company, or other legal entity, and their city of residence will be made public. Source: https://www.lottery.ok.gov/playersclub/faq.asp Source: https://oklahoman.com/article/5596678/lottery-winners-deserve-some-anonymity
Oregon: Not Anonymous. "No. Certain information about Lottery prizes is public record, including the name of the winner, amount of the prize, date of the drawing, name of the game played and city in which the winning ticket was purchased. Oregon citizens have a right to know that Lottery prizes are indeed being awarded to real persons. " Source: https://oregonlottery.org/about/public-interaction/commission-directofrequently-asked-questions Can seek anonymity if you have specific security concerns (rarely granted). Source: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3353432/Man-living-Iraq-wins-6-4-million-Oregon-jackpot.html
Pennsylvania: Not Anonymous/Anonymous via trust. Source: https://lancasteronline.com/news/local/trust-that-won-powerball-no-relation-to-manheim-township-emerald/article_29834922-4ca2-11e8-baac-1b15a17f3e9c.html
Puerto Rico: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Source: https://www.nbcnews.com/news/latino/puerto-rico-powerball-winner-claims-prize-chooses-stay-anonymous-n309121
Rhode Island: Not Anonymous/Anonymous if requested but all info is subject to FOIA. "While the Lottery will do everything possible to keep a winner's information private if requested by the winner, in Rhode Island and most other states, this information falls under the Freedom of Information Act, and a winner's name and city or town of residency must be released upon request." Source: https://www.rilot.com/en-us/player-zone/faqs.html
South Carolina: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Anonymity or who can claim is not addressed on lottery website but appears to have an anonymous option based on prior winners. Source: https://myfox8.com/2019/03/15/the-anonymous-south-carolina-winner-of-the-largest-lottery-jackpot-is-donating-part-of-it-to-alabama-tornado-victims/
South Dakota: Not Anonymous for draw games and online games/100% Anonymous for Scratchoffs if requested by the winner. "You can remain anonymous on any amount won from a scratch ticket game. Jackpots for online games are required to be public knowledge. Play It Again winners are also public knowledge." Source: https://lottery.sd.gov/FAQ2018/gamefaq.aspx.
Tennessee: Not Anonymous/Can use a trust but info subject to open records act. Anonymity is explicitly noted as not being allowed on the official lottery website. Source: https://www.tnlottery.com/faq/i-won
However if it is claimed via a trust then the lottery will not give out your information unless requested to do so. "The TN lottery says: "When claiming a Lottery prize through a Trust, the TN Lottery would need identity documentation for the grantor and all ultimate beneficiaries. Once we are in possession of these documents and information, records are generated. If a formal request is made by a citizen of Tennessee, the Trust beneficiary's name, city and state must be made available under the Tennessee Open Records Act." Source: https://www.avvo.com/legal-answers/in-tennessee--can-a-lottery-jackpot-be-claimed-whi-2327592.html
Texas: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner for $1 million or more IF the winner claims it as an individual AND chooses the Cash option. Not Anonymous if claimed by a trust or LLC or if the winner chooses the Annuity option. Source: https://www.txlottery.org/export/sites/lottery/Documents/retailers/FAQ_Winner_Anonymity_12112017_final.pdf
Utah: No current lottery. Source: https://www.lotterycritic.com/lottery-results/utah/
Vermont: Not Anonymous/Anonymous via trust. “The name, town and prize amount on your Claim Form is public information. If you put your name on the Claim Form, your name becomes public information. If you claim your prize in a trust, the name of the trust is placed on the Claim Form, and the name of the trust is public information.” Source: https://vtlottery.com/about/faq
Virginia: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner for prizes over $10 million. "A new law passed by the Virginia General Assembly and signed by the Governor prohibits the Virginia Lottery from disclosing information about big jackpot winners." "When the bill goes into effect this summer, the Virginia Lottery will not be allowed to release certain information about winners whose prize exceeds $10 million, unless the winner wants to be known." Source: https://www.13newsnow.com/article/news/local/virginia/new-virginia-law-allows-certain-lottery-winners-to-keep-identity-private/291-c33ea642-e8fa-45fd-b3a4-dc693cf5b372
US Virgin Islands: Anonymity appears to be an option. A $2 Million Powerball winner was allowed to remain anonymous. Source: https://viconsortium.com/virgin-islands-2/st-croix-resident-wins-2-million-in-latest-power-ball-drawing/
Washington: Not Anonymous/Can use a trust but info subject to open records act. "As a public agency, all documents held by Washington's Lottery are subject to the Public Records Act. Lottery prizes may be claimed in the name of a legally formed entity, such as a trust. However, in the event of a public records request, the documents forming the artificial entity may be released, thereby revealing the individual names of winners." https://www.walottery.com/ClaimYourPrize/
West Virginia: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner for prizes over $1 million and 5% of winnings remittance. "Effective January 1, 2019, House Bill 2982 allows winners of State Lottery draw games to remain anonymous in regards to his or her name, personal contact information, and likeness; providing that the prize exceeds one million dollars and the individual who elects to remain anonymous remits five percent of his or her winnings to the State Lottery Fund." Source: https://wvlottery.com/customer-service/customer-resources/
Wisconsin: Not Anonymous/Cannot be claimed by other entities. "Pursuant to Wisconsin’s Open Records law (Wis. Stats. Secs. 19.31–19.39), the Lottery is required to disclose a winner’s name, likeness and place of residence. If you win and claim a prize, the Lottery may use your name, likeness and place of residence for any purpose without compensation to you.
Upon claiming your prize, you waive any claims against the Lottery and its representatives for any and all liability which may result from the disclosure or use of such information." "The original winning ticket must be signed by a single human being. For-profit and non-profit entities, trusts, and other non-human beings are not eligible to play or claim a prize." Source: https://wilottery.com/claimprize.aspx
Wyoming: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. "We will honor requests for anonymity from winners. However, we certainly hope winners will allow us to share their names and good news with other players." Source: https://wyolotto.com/lottery/faq/
Other countries
Australia: 100% Anonymous if requested by winner. "The great thing about playing lotto in Australia is that winners can choose to remain anonymous and keep their privacy, unlike in the United States where winners don't have such a choice, and are often thrown into a media circus." Source: https://www.ozlotteries.com/blog/how-to-remain-anonymous-when-you-win-lotto/
Bahamas: No current lottery. Source: https://thenassauguardian.com/2013/01/29/strong-no-vote-trend-so-far-in-gaming-referendum/
Bahrain: Not Anonymous. Source: https://bdutyfree.com/terms-conditions1#.X8ru92lOmdM
Barbados: Not Anonymous. "No. Barbados Lottery winners cannot remain anonymous. The Barbados Lottery mandates the winner’s name, address, game won, date won and amount won be provided; however Barbados Lottery winners' home addresses and telephone numbers are confidential." Source: https://www.mybarbadoslottery.com/faqs
Brazil: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Source: https://www.lotterycritic.com/lottery-results/brazil-lottery/
Canada: Not Anonymous. Every provincial lottery corporation in Canada requires winners to participate in a publicity photo shoot showing their face, their name and their municipality. Can seek anonymity if you have specific security concerns (rarely granted). Source: https://consumers.findlaw.ca/article/can-lottery-winners-remain-anonymous/
Carribbean Lottery Countries (Antigua/Barbuda, Anguilla, St. Kitts/Nevis, St. Maarten/Saba/St. Eustatius, and Turks/Caicos): Not Anonymous. "No. Caribbean Lottery winners cannot remain anonymous. The Caribbean Lottery mandates the winner’s name, address, game won, date won and amount won be provided; however Caribbean Lottery winners' home addresses and telephone numbers are confidential." Source: https://www.thecaribbeanlottery.com/faqs
China: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Must appear in a press conference and photo but allowed to wear disguise. Source: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2015/01/22/china-lottery-winners-mask/22108515/
Cuba: No current lottery. Source: https://oncubanews.com/en/cuba/society-cuba/cuban-traditions/lottery-the-national-game-infographics/
EuroMillions Countries (Austria, Belgium, France, Ireland, Luxembourg, Portugal, Spain, Switzerland, and UK*): 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Source: https://www.euro-millions.com/publicity
*United Kingdom: Excludes
*Caymen Islands, and Falkland Islands: No current lottery. Source: https://calvinayre.com/2018/11/02/business/cayman-islands-move-illegal-gambling-doesnt-address-real-issue/ Source: https://simonsblogpark.com/onlinegambling/simons-guide-gambling-falkland-islands/amp/#lottery-falkland-islands
*Anguilla, and Turks & Caicos: Not Anonymous. Source: https://www.thecaribbeanlottery.com/faqs
EuroJackpot Countries (Croatia, Czechia, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, Germany, Hungary, Iceland, Italy, Latvia, Lithuania, Netherlands*, Norway, Poland, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, and Sweden): 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Source: https://www.euro-jackpot.net/en/publicity
*Netherlands: Excludes
*St. Maarten, Saba, and St. Eustatius: Not Anonymous. Source: https://www.thecaribbeanlottery.com/faqs
Fiji: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Source: https://fijisun.com.fj/2012/11/08/3m-lotto-win-here/
Georgia (Kartvelia): Anonymity appears to be an option. "2.9.1. Prizes and Winners. Each Bidder shall provide details of:....how winners who waive their right to privacy will be treated;" Source: https://mof.ge/images/File/lottery/tender-documentation.pdf
Greece: Anonymity appears to be an option. "The bearer of the ticket shall keep the details of the ticket confidential and not reveal them to any third party." Source: https://www.opap.gen/identity-terms-of-use-lotto
Guyana: Not Anonymous. Source: https://www.kaieteurnewsonline.com/2013/05/16/winner-says-he-was-too-busy-to-collect-78m-lotto-prize/
India*: Not Anonymous. Source: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-35771298
*: Only available in the states of Kerala, Goa, Maharashtra, Madhya Pradesh, Punjab, West Bengal, Assam, Arunachal Pradesh, Meghalaya, Manipur, Sikkim, Nagaland and Mizoram. Source: https://www.indiatoday.in/india/story/lottery-mizoram-nagaland-sikkim-kerala-975188-2017-05-04
Indonesia: No current lottery. Source: https://apnews.com/45eb94ff1b1132470a7aa5902f0bc734
Israel: Not Anonymous by Law, Anonymous in Practice. “[A]lthough we have this right, we have never exercised it because we understood the difficulties the winners could encounter in the period after their win. We provide details about the winner, but in a manner that doesn’t disclose their identity,” Dolin Melnik, then-spokesperson for Israel’s Mifal Hapayis lottery told Haaretz in 2009." Source: https://www.timesofisrael.com/why-the-israeli-lottery-gives-winners-masks/
Jamaica: Not Anonymous. First initial and last name of winner was released but winner was allowed to wear a mask for photo. Source: https://news.e-servicis.com/news/trending/lottery-winner-takes-prize-in-scream-mask.1S/
Japan: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Source: https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2017/09/08/business/japans-lottery-rakes-declining-revenues-younger-generation-gives-jackpot-chances-pass/#.XRYwVVMpCdM
Kenya: Not Anonymous. "9.1 When You claim or are paid a prize, You will automatically be deemed to grant to O8 LOTTO an irrevocable right to publish, through all types of media broadcasting, including the internet, for the purposes of promoting the win, Your full name (as well as Your nick name), hometown, photograph and video materials without any claim for broadcasting, printing or other rights" Source: https://mylottokenya.co.ke/terms-conditions
Malaysia: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Source: https://says.com/my/news/a-24-year-old-malaysian-woman-just-won-more-than-rm4-million-from-4d-lottery
Nagorno-Karabakh: Not Anonymous. Source: http://asbarez.com/120737/artsakh-lottery-winner-claims-car-prize/
New Zealand: 100% Anonymous if requested by winner. Source: https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10383080
North Korea: Not Anonymous. Source: https://www.nknews.org/2018/11/north-korean-sports-ministry-launches-online-lottery/
Northern Cyprus: Anonymity appears to be an option. Source: https://www.pressreader.com/cyprus/cyprus-today/20181124/281590946615912
Oman: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Source: http://www.omanlottery.com/
Philippines: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Source: https://www.rappler.com/nation/214995-ultra-lotto-winners-claim-winnings-pcso-october-2018
Qatar: Not Anonymous. Source: https://www.qatarliving.com/forum/qatar-living-lounge/posts/qatar-duty-free-announces-latest-us1-million
Romania: Anonymity appears to be an option. Source: https://www.thelotter.com/win-lottery-anonymously/
Russia: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Source: http://siberiantimes.com/otheothers/news/siberian-scoops-a-record-184513512-roubles-on-russian-state-lottery/
Samoa: Not Anonymous. Source: https://www.rnz.co.nz/international/pacific-news/191796/samoa%27s-lotto-winner-still-a-mystery
Saudi Arabia: No current lottery. Source: https://www.arabnews.com/police-arrest-lottery-crooks-victimizing-expats
Singapore: Anonymity appears to be an option. Source: https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/did-you-win-here-are-results-of-136m-toto-hongbao-draw
Solomon Islands: No current lottery. Source: http://www.paclii.org/sb/legis/consol_act/gala196/
South Africa: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Source: https://www.thesouthafrican.com/powerball-results/powerball-winner-r232-million-found-lottery-details/
South Korea: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Source: https://elaw.klri.re.keng_mobile/viewer.do?hseq=38378&type=sogan&key=5
Sri Lanka: Anonymity appears to be an option. Source: http://www.thesundayleader.lk/2010/01/31/where-do-all-the-lottery-winners-go/
Taiwan: 100% Anonymous if requested by the winner. Source: http://m.focustaiwan.tw/news/asoc/201806250011.aspx
Trinidad and Tobago: Anonymity appears to be an option. Source: https://trinidadexpress.com/news/local/student-wins-the-million-lotto/article_3f3c8550-570d-11e9-9cc3-b7550f9b4ad4.html
Tuvalu: No current lottery. Source: http://tuvalu-legislation.tv/cms/images/LEGISLATION/PRINCIPAL/1964/1964-0004/GamingandLotteries_1.pdf
United Arab Emirates: Not Anonymous. Source: https://www.ndtv.com/indians-abroad/shojith-ks-in-sharjah-uae-wins-abu-dhabi-duty-free-big-ticket-4-million-jackpot-rejects-calls-2032942
Vatican City: Anonymity appears to be an option. Source: https://cruxnow.com/vatican/2018/12/04/popes-white-lamborghini-up-for-raffle-winner-gets-trip-to-rome/
Vietnam: Anonymity appears to be an option. Source: https://ampe.vnexpress.net/news/news/vietnamese-farmer-identified-as-winner-of-4-million-lottery-jackpot-3484751.html
Windward Lottery Countries (Dominica, Grenada, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines): Not Anonymous. "Prize winners asked to do so by Winlot must give their name and address, and satisfactory establish their identity. All winners of the Jackpot (Match 6) prize will be photographed. Note that Winlot and CBN reserve the right to publish the names, addresses and photographs of all the winners." Source: http://www.stlucialotto.com/snl/super6_rules_regs.php

What a USL D1 league might look like

TL;DR: Man with too much time on his hands goes deep down the rabbit hole on a concept this sub already didn’t seem that enthusiastic about. If you really want to skip ahead, CTRL+F “verdict” and it’ll get you there.
Two days ago, u/MrPhillyj2wns made a post asking whether USL should launch a D1 league in order to compete in Concacaf. From the top voted replies, it appears this made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
But I’ve been at home for eight weeks and I am terribly, terribly bored.
So, I present to you this overview of what the USL pyramid might look like if Jake Edwards got a head of steam and attempted to establish a USSF-sanctioned first division. This is by no means an endorsement of such a proposal or even a suggestion that USL SHOULD do such a thing. It is merely an examination of whether they COULD.
Welcome to the ~~Thunderdome~~ USL Premiership
First, there are some base-level assumptions we must make in this exercise, because it makes me feel more scientific and not like a guy who wrote this on Sunday while watching the Belarusian Premier League (Go BATE Borisov!).

All D1 teams must comply with known USSF requirements for D1 leagues (more on that later).
MLS, not liking this move, will immediately remove all directly-owned affiliate clubs from the USL structure (this does not include hybrid ownerships, like San Antonio FC – NYCFC). This removes all MLS2 teams but will not affect Colorado Springs, Reno, RGVFC and San Antonio.
The USL will attempt to maintain both the USL Championship and USL League One, with an eventual mind toward creating the pro/rel paradise that is promised in Relegations 3:16.
All of my research regarding facility size and ownership net worth is correct – this is probably the biggest leap of faith we have to make, since googling “NAME net worth” and “CITY richest people” doesn’t seem guaranteed to return accurate results.
The most a club can increase its available seating capacity to meet D1 requirements in a current stadium is no more than 1,500 seats (10% of the required 15,000). If they need to add more, they’ll need a new facility.
Let’s pretend that people are VERY willing to sell. It’s commonly acknowledged that the USL is a more financially feasible route to owning a soccer club than in MLS (c.f. MLS-Charlotte’s reported $325 million expansion fee) and the USSF has some very strict requirements for D1 sanctioning. It becomes pretty apparent when googling a lot of team’s owners that this requirement isn’t met, so let’s assume everyone that can’t sells to people who meet the requirements.

(Known) USSF D1 league requirements:
- League must have 12 teams to apply and 14 teams by year three
- Majority owner must have a net worth of $40 million, and the ownership group must have a total net worth of $70 million. The value of an owned stadium is not considered when calculating this value.
- Must have teams located in the Eastern, Central and Pacific time zones
- 75% of league’s teams must be based in markets with at a metro population of at least 1 million people.
- All league stadiums must have a capacity of at least 15,000
The ideal club candidate for the USL Premiership will meet the population and capacity requirements in its current ground, which will have a grass playing surface. Of the USL Championship’s 27 independent/hybrid affiliate clubs, I did not find one club that meets all these criteria as they currently stand.
Regarding turf fields, the USSF does not have a formal policy regarding the ideal playing surface but it is generally acknowledged that grass is superior to turf. 6 of 26 MLS stadiums utilize turf, or roughly 23% of stadiums. We’ll hold a similar restriction for our top flight, so 2-3 of our top flight clubs can have turf fields. Seem fair?
Capacity is going to be the biggest issue, since the disparity between current requirements for the second-tier (5,000) and the first tier (15,000) is a pretty massive gap. Nice club you have there, triple your capacity and you’re onto something. As a result, I have taken the liberty of relocating certain (read: nearly all) clubs to new grounds, trying my utmost to keep those clubs in their current markets and –importantly--, ensure they play on grass surfaces.
So, let’s do a case-by-case evaluation and see if we can put together 12-14 teams that meet the potential requirements, because what else do you have to do?
For each club’s breakdown, anything that represents a chance from what is currently true will be underlined.
Candidate: Birmingham Legion FC
Location (Metro population): Birmingham, Ala. (1,151,801)
Time zone: Central
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Legion Field (FieldTurf, 71,594)
Potential owner: Stephens Family (reported net worth $4 billion)
Notes: Birmingham has a pretty strong candidacy. Having ditched the 5,000-seater BBVA Field for Legion Field, which sits 2.4 miles away, they’ve tapped into the city’s soccer history. Legion Field hosted portions of both the men’s and women’s tournaments at the 1996 Olympics, including a 3-1 U.S. loss to Argentina that saw 83,183 pack the house. The Harbert family seemed like strong ownership contenders, but since the death of matriarch Marguerite Harbert in 2015, it’s unclear where the wealth in the family is concentrated, so the Stephens seem like a better candidate. The only real knock that I can think of is that we really want to avoid having clubs play on turf, so I’d say they’re on the bubble of our platonic ideal USL Prem.
Candidate: Charleston Battery
Location (Metro population): Charleston, S.C. (713,000)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Johnson Hagood Stadium (Grass, ~14,700)
Potential owner: Anita Zucker (reported net worth $3 billion)
Notes: Charleston’s candidacy isn’t looking great. Already disadvantaged due to its undersized metro population, a move across the Cooper River to Johnson Hagood Stadium is cutting it close in terms of capacity. The stadium, home to The Citadel’s football team, used to seat 21,000, before 9,300 seats on the eastern grandstand were torn down in 2017 to deal with lead paint that had been used in their construction. Renovation plans include adding 3,000 seats back in, which could hit 15,000 if they bumped it to 3,300, but throw in a required sale by HCFC, LLC (led by content-creation platform founder Rob Salvatore) to chemical magnate Anita Zucker, and you’ll see there’s a lot of ifs and ands in this proposal.
Candidate: Charlotte Independence
Location (Metro population): Charlotte, N.C. (2,569, 213)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Jerry Richardson Stadium (Turf, 15,314)
Potential owner: James Goodnight (reported net worth $9.1 billion)
Notes: Charlotte ticks a lot of the boxes. A move from the Sportsplex at Matthews to UNC-Charlotte’s Jerry Richardson stadium meets capacity requirements, but puts them on to the dreaded turf. Regrettably, nearby American Legion Memorial Stadium only seats 10,500, despite a grass playing surface. With a sizeable metro population (sixth-largest in the USL Championship) and a possible owner in software billionaire James Goodnight, you’ve got some options here. The biggest problem likely lies in direct competition for market share against a much better-funded MLS Charlotte side due to join the league in 2021.
Candidate: Hartford Athletic
Location (Metro population): Hartford, Conn. (1,214,295)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Pratt & Whitney Stadium (Grass, 38,066)
Potential owner: Ray Dalio (reported net worth $18.4 billion)
Notes: Okay, I cheated a bit here, having to relocate Hartford to Pratt & Whitney Stadium, which is technically in East Hartford, Conn. I don’t know enough about the area to know if there’s some kind of massive beef between the two cities, but the club has history there, having played seven games in 2019 while Dillon Stadium underwent renovations. If the group of local businessmen that currently own the club manage to attract Dalio to the table, we’re on to something.
Candidate: Indy Eleven
Location (Metro population): Indianapolis, Ind. (2,048,703)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Lucas Oil Stadium (Turf, 62,421)
Potential owner: Jim Irsay (reported net worth of $3 billion)
Notes: Indy Eleven are a club that are SO CLOSE to being an ideal candidate – if it weren’t for Lucas Oil Stadium’s turf playing surface. Still, there’s a lot to like in this bid. I’m not going to lie, I have no idea what current owner and founder Ersal Ozdemir is worth, but it seems like there might be cause for concern. A sale to Irsay, who also owns the NFL Indianapolis (nee Baltimore) Colts, seems likely to keep the franchise there, rather than make a half-mile move to 14,230 capacity Victory Field where the AAA Indianapolis Indians play and expand from there.
Candidate: Louisville City FC
Location (Metro population): Louisville, Ky. (1,297,310)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Lynn Family Stadium (Grass, 14,000, possibly expandable to 20,000)
Potential owner: Wayne Hughes (reported net worth $2.8 billion)
Notes: I’m stretching things a bit here. Lynn Family stadium is currently listed as having 11,700 capacity that’s expandable to 14,000, but they’ve said that the ground could hold as many as 20,000 with additional construction, which might be enough to grant them a temporary waiver from USSF. If the stadium is a no-go, then there’s always Cardinal Stadium, home to the University of Louisville’s football team, which seats 65,000 but is turf. Either way, it seems like a sale to someone like Public Storage founder Wayne Hughes will be necessary to ensure the club has enough capital.
Candidate: Memphis 901 FC
Location (Metro population): Memphis, Tenn. (1,348,260)
Time zone: Central
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Liberty Bowl Stadium (Turf, 58,325)
Potential owner: Fred Smith (reported net worth $3 billion)
Notes: Unfortunately for Memphis, AutoZone Park’s 10,000 seats won’t cut it at the D1 level. With its urban location, it would likely prove tough to renovate, as well. Liberty Bowl Stadium more than meets the need, but will involve the use of the dreaded turf. As far as an owner goes, FedEx founder Fred Smith seems like a good local option.
Candidate: Miami FC, “The”
Location (Metro population): Miami, Fla. (6,158,824)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Riccardo Silva Stadium (FieldTurf, 20,000)
Potential owner: Riccardo Silva (reported net worth $1 billion)
Notes: Well, well, well, Silva might get his wish for top-flight soccer, after all. He’s got the money, he’s got the metro, and his ground has the capacity. There is the nagging issue of the turf, though. Hard Rock Stadium might present a solution, including a capacity of 64,767 and a grass playing surface. It is worth noting, however, that this is the first profile where I didn’t have to find a new potential owner for a club.
Candidate: North Carolina FC
Location (Metro population): Durham, N.C. (1,214,516 in The Triangle)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Carter-Finley Stadium (Grass/Turf, 57,583)
Potential owner: Steve Malik (precise net worth unknown) / Dennis Gillings (reported net worth of $1.7 billion)
Notes: We have our first “relocation” in North Carolina FC, who were forced to trade Cary’s 10,000-seat WakeMed Soccer Park for Carter-Finley Stadium in Durham, home of the NC State Wolfpack and 57,583 of their closest friends. The move is a whopping 3.1 miles, thanks to the close-knit hub that exists between Cary, Durham and Raleigh. Carter-Finley might be my favorite of the stadium moves in this exercise. The field is grass, but the sidelines are artificial turf. Weird, right? Either way, it was good enough for Juventus to play a friendly against Chivas de Guadalajara there in 2011. Maybe the move would be pushed for by new owner and medical magnate Dennis Gillings, whose British roots might inspire him to get involved in the Beautiful Game. Straight up, though, I couldn’t find a net worth for current owner Steve Malik, though he did sell his company MedFusion for $91 million in 2010, then bought it back for an undisclosed amount and sold it again for $43 million last November. I don’t know if Malik has the juice to meet D1 requirements, but I suspect he’s close.
Candidate: Pittsburgh Riverhounds SC
Location (Metro population): Pittsburgh, Penn. (2,362,453)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Heinz Field (Grass, 64,450)
Potential owner: Henry Hillman (reported net worth $2.5 billion)
Notes: I don’t know a ton about the Riverhounds, but this move in particular feels like depriving a pretty blue-collar club from its roots. Highmark Stadium is a no-go from a seating perspective, but the Steelers’ home stadium at Heinz Field would more than meet the requirements and have a grass surface that was large enough to be sanctioned for a FIFA friendly between the U.S. WNT and Costa Rica in 2015. As for an owner, Tuffy Shallenberger (first ballot owner name HOF) doesn’t seem to fit the USSF bill, but legendary Pittsburgh industrialist Henry Hillman might. I’m sure you’re asking, why not the Rooney Family, if they’ll play at Heinz Field? I’ll tell you: I honestly can’t seem to pin down a value for the family. The Steelers are valued at a little over a billion and rumors persist that Dan Rooney is worth $500 million, but I’m not sure. I guess the Rooneys would work too, but it’s a definite departure from an owner in Shallenberger who was described by one journalist as a guy who “wears boots, jeans, a sweater and a trucker hat.”
Candidate: Saint Louis FC
Location (Metro population): St. Louis, Mo. (2,807,338)
Time zone: Central
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Busch Stadium (Grass, 45,494)
Potential owner: William DeWitt Jr. (reported net worth $4 billion)
Notes: Saint Louis has some weirdness in making the jump to D1. Current CEO Jim Kavanaugh is an owner of the MLS side that will begin play in 2022. The club’s current ground at West Community Stadium isn’t big enough, but perhaps a timely sale to Cardinals owner William DeWitt Jr. could see the club playing games at Busch Stadium, which has a well established history of hosting other sports like hockey, college football and soccer (most recently a U.S. WNT friendly against New Zealand in 2019). The competition with another MLS franchise wouldn’t be ideal, like Charlotte, but with a big enough population and cross marketing from the Cardinals, maybe there’s a winner here. Wacko idea: If Busch doesn’t pan out, send them to The Dome. Sure, it’s a 60k turf closed-in stadium, but we can go for that retro NASL feel and pay homage to our nation’s soccer history.
Candidate: Tampa Bay Rowdies
Location (Metro population): Tampa, Fla. (3,068,511)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Raymond James Stadium (Grass, 65,518)
Potential owner: Edward DeBartolo Jr. (reported net worth $3 billion)
Notes: This one makes me sad. Despite having never been there, I see Al Lang Stadium as an iconic part of the Rowdies experience. Current owner Bill Edwards proposed an expansion to 18,000 seats in 2016, but the move seems to have stalled out. Frustrated with the city’s lack of action, Edwards sells to one-time San Francisco 49ers owner Edward DeBartolo Jr., who uses his old NFL connections to secure a cushy lease at the home of the Buccaneers in Ray Jay, the site of a 3-1 thrashing of Antigua and Barbuda during the United States’ 2014 World Cup Qualifying campaign.
Breather. Hey, we finished the Eastern Conference teams. Why are you still reading this? Why am I still writing it? Time is a meaningless construct in 2020 my friends, we are adrift in the void, fueled only by brief flashes of what once was and what may yet still be.
Candidate: Austin Bold FC
Location (Metro population): Austin, Texas (2,168,316)
Time zone: Central
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Darrel K Royal – Texas Memorial Stadium (FieldTurf, 95,594)
Potential owner: Michael Dell (reported net worth of $32.3 billion)
Notes: Anthony Precourt’s Austin FC has some unexpected competition and it comes in the form of tech magnate Michael Dell. Dell, were he to buy the club, would be one of the richest owners on our list and could flash his cash in the new first division. Would he have enough to convince Darrel K Royal – Texas Memorial Stadium (I’m not kidding, that’s its actual name) to go back to a grass surface, like it did from ’96-’08? That’s between Dell and nearly 100,000 UT football fans, but everything can be had for the right price.
Candidate: Colorado Springs Switchbacks FC
Location (Metro population): Colorado Springs, Colo. (738,939)
Time zone: Mountain
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Falcon Stadium (FieldTurf, 46,692)
Potential owner: Charles Ergen (reported net worth $10.8 billion)
Notes: Welcome to Colorado Springs. We have hurdles. For the first time in 12 candidates, we’re back below the desired 1 million metro population mark. Colorado Springs actually plans to build a $35 million, 8,000 seat venue downtown that will be perfect for soccer, but in our timeline that’s 7,000 seats short. Enter Falcon Stadium, home of the Air Force Academy Falcons football team. Seems perfect except for the turf, right? Well, the tricky thing is that Falcon Stadium is technically on an active military base and is (I believe) government property. Challenges to getting in and out of the ground aside, the military tends to have a pretty grim view of government property being used by for-profit enterprises. Maybe Charles Ergen, founder and chairman of Dish Network, would be able to grease the right wheels, but you can go ahead and throw this into the “doubtful” category. It’s a shame, too. 6,035 feet of elevation is one hell of a home-field advantage.
Candidate: El Paso Locomotive FC
Location: El Paso, Texas
Time zone: Mountain
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Sun Bowl (FieldTurf, 51,500)
Potential owner: Paul Foster (reported net worth $1.7 billion)
Notes: God bless Texas. When compiling this list, I found so many of the theoretical stadium replacements were nearly serviceable by high school football fields. That’s insane, right? Anyway, Locomotive don’t have to settle for one of those, they’ve got the Sun Bowl, which had its capacity reduced in 2001 to a paltry 51,500 (from 52,000) specifically to accommodate soccer. Sure, it’s a turf surface, but what does new owner Paul Foster (who is only the 1,477th wealthiest man in the world, per Forbes) care, he’s got a team in a top league. Side note: Did you know that the Sun Bowl college football game is officially, through sponsorship, the Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl? Why is it not the Frosted Flakes Sun Bowl? Why is the cereal mascot the promotional name of the football game? What are you doing, Kellogg’s?
Candidate: Las Vegas Lights FC
Location: Las Vegas, Nev. (2,227,053)
Time zone: Pacific
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Allegiant Stadium (Grass, 61,000)
Potential owner: Sheldon Adelson (reported net worth $37.7 billion)
Notes: Sin City. You had to know that the club that once signed Freddy Adu because “why not” was going to go all out in our flashy hypothetical proposal. Thanks to my narrative control of this whole thing, they have. Adelson is the second-richest owner in the league and has decided to do everything first class. That includes using the new Raiders stadium in nearby unincorporated Paradise, Nevada, and spending boatloads on high profile transfers. Zlatan is coming back to the U.S., confirmed.
Candidate: New Mexico United
Location: Albuquerque, N.M.
Time zone: Mountain
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Isotopes Park – officially Rio Grande Credit Union Field at Isotopes Park (Grass, 13,500 – 15,000 with expansion)
Potential owner: Maloof Family (reported net worth $1 billion)
Notes: New Mexico from its inception went deep on the community vibe, and I’ve tried to replicate that in this bid. The home field of Rio Grande Cr---I’m not typing out the whole thing—Isotopes Park falls just within the expansion rules we set to make it to 15,000 (weird, right?) and they’ve found a great local ownership group in the Lebanese-American Maloof (formerly Maalouf) family from Las Vegas. The only thing to worry about would be the metro population, but overall, this could be one of the gems of USL Prem.
Candidate: Oklahoma City Energy FC
Location: Oklahoma City, Okla. (1,396,445)
Time zone: Central
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Chickasaw Bricktown Ballpark (Grass, 13,066)
Potential owner: Harold Hamm (reported net worth $14.2 billion)
Notes: There’s a bright golden haze on the meadow and it says it’s time to change stadiums and owners to make it to D1. A sale to oil magnate Harold Hamm would give the club the finances it needs, but Chickasaw Bricktown Ballpark (home of the OKC Dodgers) actually falls outside of the boundary of what would meet capacity if 1,500 seats were added. Could the club pull off a move to Gaylord Family Oklahoma Memorial Stadium in Norman, Oklahoma – home of the Oklahoma Sooners? Maybe, but at 20 miles, this would be a reach.
Candidate: Orange County SC
Location: Irvine, Calif. (3,176, 000 in Orange County)
Time zone: Pacific
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Angels Stadium of Anaheim (Grass, 43,250)
Potential owner: Arte Moreno (reported net worth $3.3 billion)
Notes: You’ll never convince me that Rangers didn’t choose to partner with Orange County based primarily on its name. Either way, a sale to MLB Angels owner Arte Moreno produces a fruitful partnership, with the owner choosing to play his newest club out of the existing Angels stadium in OC. Another baseball conversion, sure, but with a metro population of over 3 million and the closest thing this hypothetical league has to an LA market, who’s complaining?
Candidate: Phoenix Rising FC
Location: Phoenix, Ariz. (4,857,962)
Time zone: Arizona
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): State Farm Stadium (Grass, 63,400)
Potential owner: Ernest Garcia II (reported net worth $5.7 billion)
Notes: We’re keeping it local with new owner and used car guru Ernest Garcia II. His dad owned a liquor store and he dropped out of college, which is making me feel amazing about my life choices right now. Casino Arizona Field is great, but State Farm Stadium is a grass surface that hosted the 2019 Gold Cup semifinal, so it’s a clear winner. Throw in Phoenix’s massive metro population and this one looks like a lock.
Candidate: Reno 1868 FC
Location: Reno, Nev. (425,417)
Time zone: Pacific
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Mackay Stadium (FieldTurf, 30,000)
Potential owner: Nancy Walton Laurie (reported net worth $7.1 billion)
Notes: The Biggest Little City on Earth has some serious barriers to overcome, thanks to its low metro population. A sale to Walmart heiress Nancy Walton Laurie and 1.6 mile-move to Mackay Stadium to split space with the University of Nevada, Reno makes this bid competitive, but the turf surface is another knock against it.
Candidate: Rio Grande Valley FC
Location: Edinburg, Texas (900,304)
Time zone: Central
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): McAllen Memorial Stadium (FieldTurf, 13,500 – 15,000 with expansion)
Potential owner: Alice Louise Walton (reported net worth $45 billion)
Notes: Yes, I have a second straight Walmart heiress on the list. She was the first thing that popped up when I googled “McAllen Texas richest people.” The family rivalry has spurred Walton to buy a club as well, moving them 10 miles to McAllen Memorial Stadium which, as I alluded to earlier, is a straight up high school football stadium with a full color scoreboard. Toss in an additional 1,500 seats and you’ve met the minimum, despite the turf playing surface.
Candidate: San Antonio FC
Location: San Antonio, Texas (2,550,960)
Time zone: Central
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Alamodome (FieldTurf, 64,000)
Potential owner: Red McCombs (reported net worth $1.6 billion)
Notes: I wanted to keep SAFC in the Spurs family, since the franchise is valued at $1.8 billion. That said, I didn’t let the Rooneys own the Riverhounds based on the Steelers’ value and it felt wrong to change the rules, so bring on Clear Channel co-founder Red McCombs. Toyota Field isn’t viable in the first division, but for the Alamodome, which was built in 1993 in hopes of attracting an NFL franchise (and never did), San Antonio can finally claim having *a* national football league team in its town (contingent on your definition of football). Now if only we could do something about that turf…
Candidate: San Diego Loyal SC
Location: San Diego, Calif. (3,317,749)
Time zone: Pacific
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): SDCCU Stadium (formerly Qualcomm) (Grass, 70,561)
Potential owner: Phil Mickelson (reported net worth $91 million)
Notes: Yes, golf’s Phil Mickelson. The existing ownership group didn’t seem to have the wherewithal to meet requirements, and Phil seemed to slot right in. As an athlete himself, he might be interesting in the new challenges of a top flight soccer team. Toss in a move to the former home of the chargers and you might have a basis for tremendous community support.
Candidate: FC Tulsa
Location: Tulsa, Okla. (991,561)
Time zone: Central
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Skelly Field at H.A. Chapman Stadium (FieldTurf, 30,000)
Potential owner: George Kaiser ($10 billion)
Notes: I’m a fan of FC Tulsa’s rebrand, but if they want to make the first division, more changes are necessary. A sale to Tulsa native and one of the 100 richest men in the world George Kaiser means that funding is guaranteed. A move to Chapman Stadium would provide the necessary seats, despite the turf field. While the undersize population might be an issue at first glance, it’s hard to imagine U.S. Soccer not granting a waiver over a less than a 10k miss from the mark.
And that’s it! You made it. Those are all of the independent/hybrid affiliates in the USL Championship, which means that it’s time for our…
VERDICT: As an expert who has studied this issue for almost an entire day now, I am prepared to pronounce which USL Championships could be most ‘ready” for a jump to the USL Prem. A reminder that of the 27 clubs surveyed, 0 of them met our ideal criteria (proper ownership $, metro population, 15,000+ stadium with grass field).
Two of them, however, met almost all of those criteria: Indy Eleven and Miami FC. Those two clubs may use up two of our three available turf fields right from the outset, but the other factors they hit (particularly Silva’s ownership of Miami) makes them difficult, if not impossible to ignore for the top flight.
But who fill in the rest of the slots? Meet the entire 14-team USL Premier League:
Hartford Athletic
Indy Eleven
Louisville City FC
Miami FC
North Carolina FC
Pittsburgh Riverhounds SC
Tampa Bay Rowdies
Saint Louis FC
San Antonio FC
New Mexico United
Phoenix Rising FC
Las Vegas Lights FC
Orange County SC
San Diego Loyal SC
Now, I shall provide my expert rationale for each club’s inclusion/exclusion, which can be roughly broken down into four categories.
Firm “yes”
Hartford Athletic: It’s a good market size with a solid stadium. With a decent investor and good community support, you’ve got potential here.
Indy Eleven: The turf at Lucas Oil Stadium is no reason to turn down a 62,421 venue and a metro population of over 2 million.
Louisville City FC: Why doesn’t the 2017 & 2018 USL Cup champion deserve a crack at the top flight? They have the market size, and with a bit of expansion have the stadium at their own SSS. LCFC, you’re in.
Miami FC, “The”: Our other blue-chip recruit on the basis of ownership value, market size and stadium capacity. Yes, that field is turf, but how could you snub Silva’s chance to claim victory as the first division 1 club soccer team to play in Miami?
Pittsburgh Riverhounds SC: Pittsburgh sacrificed a lot to be here (according to my arbitrary calculations). Their market size and the potential boon of soccer at Heinz Field is an important inclusion to the league.
Saint Louis FC: Willie hears your “Busch League” jokes, Willie don’t care. A huge market size, combined with the absence of an NFL franchise creates opportunity. Competition with the MLS side, sure, but St. Louis has serious soccer history and we’re willing to bet it can support two clubs.
Tampa Bay Rowdies: With a huge population and a massive stadium waiting nearby, Tampa Bay seems like too good of an opportunity to pass up for the USL Prem.
Las Vegas Lights FC: Ostentatious, massive and well-financed, Las Vegas Lights FC is everything that the USL Premier League would need to assert that it didn’t intend to play second fiddle to MLS. Players will need to be kept on a short leash, but this is a hard market to pass up on.
Phoenix Rising FC: Huge population, big grass field available nearby and a solid history of success in recent years. No brainer.
San Diego Loyal SC: New club? Yes, massive population in a market that recently lost an absolutely huge sports presence? Also yes. This could be the USL Prem’s Seattle.
Cautious “yes”
New Mexico United: You have to take a chance on New Mexico United. The club set the league on fire with its social media presence and its weight in the community when it entered the league last season. The market may be slightly under USSF’s desired 1 million, but fervent support (and the ability to continue to use Isotopes Park) shouldn’t be discounted.
North Carolina FC: Carter-Finley’s mixed grass/turf surface is a barrier, to be sure, but the 57,000+ seats it offers (and being enough to offset other fully-turf offerings) is enough to put it in the black.
Orange County SC: It’s a top-tier club playing in a MLB stadium. I know it seems unlikely that USSF would approve something like that, but believe me when I say “it could happen.” Orange County is a massive market and California likely needs two clubs in the top flight.
San Antonio FC: Our third and only voluntary inclusion to the turf fields in the first division, we’re counting on San Antonio’s size and massive potential stadium to see it through.
Cautious “no”
Birmingham Legion FC: The town has solid soccer history and a huge potential venue, but the turf playing surface puts it on the outside looking in.
Memphis 901 FC: Like Birmingham, not much to dislike here outside of the turf playing surface at the larger playing venue.
Austin Bold FC: See the other two above.
FC Tulsa: Everything’s just a little bit off with this one. Market’s slightly too small, stadium has turf. Just not enough to put it over the top.
Firm “no”
Charleston Battery: Small metro and a small potential new stadium? It’s tough to say yes to the risk.
Charlotte Independence: A small new stadium and the possibility of having to compete with an organization that just paid over $300 million to join MLS means it’s best for this club to remain in the USL Championship.
Colorado Springs Switchbacks FC: When a club’s best chance to meet a capacity requirement is to host games at a venue controlled by the military, that doesn’t speak well to a club’s chances.
El Paso Locomotive FC: An undersized market and a turf field that meets capacity requirements is the death knell for this one.
Oklahoma City Energy FC: Having to expand a baseball field to meet requirements is a bad start. Having to potentially play 20 miles away from your main market is even worse.
Reno 1868 FC: Population nearly a half-million short of the federation’s requirements AND a turf field at the hypothetical new stadium makes impossible to say yes to this bid.
Rio Grande Valley FC: All the seat expansions in the world can’t hide the fact that McAllen Memorial Stadium is a high school stadium through and through.
Here’s who’s left in the 11-team Championship:
Birmingham Legion FC
Charleston Battery
Charlotte Independence
Memphis 901 FC
Austin Bold FC
Colorado Springs Switchbacks FC
El Paso Locomotive FC
Oklahoma City Energy FC
Reno 1868 FC
Rio Grande Valley FC
FC Tulsa
With MLS folding the six affiliates it has in USL League One, the league is a little bit thin (especially considering USSF’s requirements for 8 teams for lower level leagues), but seems definitely able to expand up to the necessary numbers with Edwards’ allusions to five new additions this year:
Chattanooga Red Wolves SC
Forward Madison FC
Greenville Triumph SC
Union Omaha
Richmond Kickers
South Georgia Tormenta
FC Tucson
Format of Assorted Leagues – This (like everything in this post) is pure conjecture on my part, but here are my thoughts on how these leagues might function in a first year while waiting for additional expansion.
USL Premier – We’ll steal from the 12-team Scottish Premiership. Each club plays the other 11 clubs 3 times, with either one or two home matches against each side. When each club has played 33 matches, the top six and bottom six separate, with every club playing an additional five matches (against each other team in its group). The top club wins the league. The bottom club is automatically relegated. The second-bottom club will enter a two-legged playoff against someone (see below) from the championship playoffs.
USL Championship -- 11 clubs is a challenge to schedule for. How about every club plays everyone else three times (either one or two home matches against each side)? Top four clubs make the playoffs, which are decided by two-legged playoffs. The winner automatically goes up. I need feedback on the second part – is it better to have the runner-up from the playoffs face the second-bottom club from the Premiership, or should the winner of the third-place match-up get the chance to face them to keep drama going in both playoff series? As for relegation, we can clearly only send down the last place club while the third division is so small.
USL League One – While the league is so small, it doesn’t seem reasonable to have the clubs play as many matches as the higher divisions. Each club could play the other six clubs four times – twice at home and twice away – for a very equitable 24-match regular season, which would help restrict costs and still provide a chance to determine a clear winner. Whoever finishes top of the table goes up.
And there you have it, a hypothetical look at how the USL could build a D1 league right now. All it would take is a new stadium for almost the entire league and new owners for all but one of the 27 clubs, who wouldn’t feel that their property would be massively devalued if they got relegated.
Well that’s our show. I’m curious to see what you think of all of this, especially anything that you think I may have overlooked (I’m sure there’s plenty). Anyway, I hope you’re all staying safe and well.

[S] King's Survivor: David Vs Goliath

After 26 seasons, we are reintroducing a twist used in the early days of King's Survivor: the Champions Vs Contenders twist. This time, it will be referred to as the David Vs Goliath twist, and it will feature 20 new contestants: 10 people who are underdogs, and 10 who are overachievers. We will soon find out whether overachievers or underdogs do better under the circumstances in King's Survivor.
Vuku (Davids) Tribe:
Celine Mayer, 26, Receptionist, u/ClayTAnderson
Even though Celine is your typical quiet girl, she welcomes everybody that she meets with a great smile. Everyone has skills and is good in doing something - and with Celine, by being a good listener. They enjoy talking to her and she can immediately identify their needs and help to satisfy them. But behind this angelic façade, is a girl who's already two steps ahead, planning her next move.
Christa Mason, 34, Unemployed
Douglas Chance, 29, ER Nurse, u/TDSwaggyBoy
Ever since he was born, Douglas' family taught him how to be a ''gentleman''. Be the kind of person that people are proud to call their friend. Always help others when they need your help, always be there for people. He decided to become a nurse, wanting to help in the medical field as he always had a knack for it. Douglas has dedicated his life to helping others, and hopes to come on SURVIVOR and use this platform in order to shine a light on big and important matters. He doesn't necessarily care about winning, but he'll give it his all. Douglas has overcome a lot of challenges in his life, and he's ready to face this one head on.
Eric Carter, 23, Professional Rock Climber, u/UltDragon
Eric has always enjoyed traveling and the outdoors even more. The first chance he was allowed to he moved out of his town in Ohio to see the world. He manages to scrap buy as a professional rock climber thanks to gas stations and the bed in the back of his van. Eric tried out for the show for the same reason he choose to do most things in life, because it sounded like fun.
Jennifer "Jenn" Greene, 46, Fast Food Employee
Ji-Hyun "Jean" Choi, 23, Analytical Student, u/FabColette
Jean does not want to become that typical Asian girl, who's dubbed as just smart and hardworking. She wants to live up to that unfair standards and prove everyone wrong about their race.
Michael Krumptone, 47, Band Director, u/swoldow
Michael had dreams of being a musician since he was a kid, and had the drive to learn his craft to the best of his ability.... however the eighties weren't really the most popular time period for French horn players, so he could never get that big break he always thought he'd have, despite getting a music degree. As a result, he grew old and bitter, resenting modern genres of music like rock and rap, as they are what took his career away from him. He does marching band at a few high schools and basically treats it like it's prison camp due to how bitter he is, and he eventually grew to love his job; torturing kids like him into giving up on their dreams. However, he still hates his life, as he recently had to pick up another school to teach to pay for his ungrateful wife's Netflix, so he needs money somehow.
Michael "Mike" Phillips, 26, Unemployed, u/acegamer1337
Michael was always a David he was always on the bottom he had lost his job and his girlfriend left him he was at the lowest part of his life and decided to go on this show to show that anything is possible.
Michelle Carters, 29, Rocket Scientist, u/AngolanDesert
Michelle is a woman who has built herself up from the ground. She comes from a family where nobody even finished high school, so she has had to make sure to work extremely hard from day 1. She is here to win to provide for her family.
Zen Atame, 24, Unemployed, u/asiansurvivorfan
Zen is an odd dude. Not much is known about him and it seems like it will probably stay that way. He never really talks and he likes to keep to himself most of the time. Despite seeming pretty useless, he is fairly smart so that may be his saving grace.
Jabeni (Goliath) Tribe:
Brett Herman, 28, Professional Poker Player, u/Twig7665
Brett was born into wealth on a mansion in Texas, and lived through most of his childhood in that wealth, until his father was caught up in a huge scandal that left him without money, so at age seventeen Brett ran away to Las Vegas where he could begin a new life. He started playing poker in the streets, and when he was old enough to gamble, he went to a casino, and stunned his opponents by winning the first time he played for money. Soon, people began to realize his talent, and he played in his first professional poker game at the age of 22. Once again, he won, and he became one of the most successful professional poker players in history. This fame caused him to grow arrogant and become a huge jerk, even to his manager. Now rich again, he isn't playing the game for money, he's playing the game to try something new and to gain another title.
Cattleya Peralta, 29, Fashion Agent, u/FabColette
As a fashion agent, Cattleya has mastered the art of persuasion and that helped her a lot during showrooms and fashion weeks. She is socially aware and use her charm to sway people on her side. She may not be the most physically active person, but she's got a badass persona.
Georgia "Gigi" Seedrow, 21, Unemployed, u/AngolanDesert
There’s always that one girl in high school who was the most popular but was also the most mean. This was Gigi in high school. Her parents are millionaires and made sure that she was set for life. Her only worry is what shoes to pick out the next day. She wanted to play survivor because she loves to manipulate people. Maybe her insecurities will be shown this season.
Jeremiah Barak, 38, Drummer, u/zohnster
Barak is a very confident man in his strategy and in his power of persuasion. In addition to training physically every day, he works hard on his brain to be the best version of himself every day. Arrogant sometimes? YES, but you have a good heart of loyalty and trust.
Lukasz "Luk" Zabolcki, 50, Professional Triathlete, u/zohnster
Lukasz is a Polish man who came to the United States in the 1980s looking for a better life for his newly created family. With a wife and a newborn baby, he finds happiness in the adrenaline of the sport. A great triathlete, he gained notoriety about 5 years ago, when he competed in the Ironman Triathlon. Soon after, he opened a gym where he trained young people for marathons in all sports.
Even at the age of 50, Lukasz has the strength and determination of a young man and sees Survivor as another challenge that he will do with all his strength.
Neveah Nwosu, 50, CEO, u/TDSwaggyBoy
Ever since a young age, Nevaeh always knew how to get what she wanted. And not with the help of others, no no. She always managed to get what she wanted and get it herself. Nevaeh HATES counting on other people to do what she can do, after all.
Becoming a CEO at a rather young age, Nevaeh is very proud of herself and her career. Although, admittedly, she was quite busy her entire life and never really found time for her family. That's why, at age 50, Nevaeh is still single and she doesn't plan on getting married anytime soon. It's sad, but it's true.
Nevaeh doesn't care about the prize. She cares about the competition and about going down as one of the greats. So you all better mark it down in your diaries boys, because NEVAEH NWOSU is going to be the winner of Survivor: David Vs Goliath.
Rita Maureira, 43, Data Analyst, u/ghetra
Rita is a very successful data analyst. She has always been very smart and analytical, so she worked very hard to become as successful as she is now. At 43, she has reached a point in her life where she is very happy where she is at, and rather well off. Because of this, she doesn't bother biting her tongue much anymore and is very blunt with people. She has a great sense of humor which attracts many people to her, but she can be quite polarizing due to her bluntness and tendency to provoke people for no reason. She is not very open about her personal life and is able to deceive others quite well.
River Goulding, 47, Family Physician, u/FabColette
Even if River grew up in an elite neighborhood, he didn't let the money get into his head. He worked hard to achieve where he is right now and he's ready to take on a new challenge in his life. Despite his age, he plans to be everyone's friend with the help of his good sense of humor.
Siddhi Sanjay, 28, Bollywood Actress, u/Thisaccountishaunted
Siddhi was born in Mumbai, India but moved to the States as a child. She has dual Indian and American citizenship. She moved back to India in her early twenties to take care of her grandparents, and acted in Bollywood films to help earn them money. She has two homes in each of her countries and is used to traveling. She has a busy life and chooses not to marry, despite the traditions of arranged marriage, and turns down any insistence from her parents to get married. She wants to get on Survivor because she wants more outdoor adventure in her life and wants to join this season because she wants to find herself and who she can really be as a Goliath in tough situations.
Vaughn Barton, 22, College Athlete, u/TDSwaggyBoy
Vaughn never had it easy. His parents died in a fire when he were young, and he spent the majority of his childhood in an orphanage. But at age 11, he was adopted by a successful lawyer who tried giving the poor boy the best life she could. In the next 11 years, Vaughn managed to make a name for himself, now playing football at his university as a quarterback. Why? Because someone gave him a chance. And now, Vaughn pleads you, the production team, to give him a chance. He'll prove he's got what it takes to win.
Link to Season
Episode 1: Two boats, containing the two tribes, dock at a larger ship where the host awaits them. The two tribes size each other up, and then the host announces the twist. The Goliath tribe would pick who they thought was the strongest members of their tribe, and the weakest of the other tribe. The Goliaths pick Brett and Neveah to represent them, and Douglas and Michelle to represent the David tribe. The David representatives get to pick the obstacles they have to go through. In the end, the Goliath tribe narrowly beats out the Davids. The two tribes go to their camps, and at the David camp, Christa and Celine, and Douglas and Michael get into a disagreement about the former two being lazy. Christa then forms an all female alliance with Celine, Michelle, and Jenn. At the Goliath camp, Barak and Neveah bond, and Cattleya and Luk bond a lot. Siddhi, pitching in on the shelter a little too much, causes everyone to see her as a threat. Two overlapping alliances form on the Goliath beach. One with Brett, Cattleya, Luk, Nevaeh, and Rita, and one with Brett, Cattleya, Gigi, Barak, Nevaeh, Rita, River, and Vaughn, leaving Siddhi as the only outsider. Siddhi does not have to worry, as the Goliath tribe wins immunity. Figuring out that there is a female alliance happening right under his nose, Douglas tries to round up the guys to oust Jenn, who he believes is the head of the female alliance and the most dangerous of them. He relays the information to Mike, Zen, Michael, Eric, and Jean, who was on the outer of the female alliance, and they decide to join his side. At tribal council, the women vote for Zen, thinking the others will vote him too due to how introverted he is, and in the end, Jenn becomes the first blindside in a 6-4 vote.
Episode 2: After being blindsided at the first vote, Celine decides to flip from her side over to the majority, much to Michael and Douglas's glee. Mike starts to flirt with Michelle, and that causes Eric to pull him aside and let him know that flipping is a bad idea. This causes them to get in a bit of an argument, leading to a bit of a schism in the majority alliance. Zen sneaks off and finds the immunity idol on his tribe beach, and keeps it to himself. At the Goliath tribe, Brett and Barak start to bond, and Vaughn gets into an argument with Nevaeh. The Goliaths win immunity again, and Christa starts to get on everyone's nerves at the David tribe for telling everyone that they need to be more physical, while not pulling her weight in challenges, and in the end, it was her who got voted out in a 7-2 vote over Douglas.
Episode 3: Wanting to have a sub alliance within the alliance in case they lose again, Michael forms an alliance with Jean, Mike, and Zen, and he plans for it to be the final four. Eric has a bit of a fight with Jean, and Michael and Zen grow very close. At the Goliath tribe, Cattleya and Luk bond a bit, but not much else worthy of mention happens. After losing three challenges, it is the David tribe's turn to win immunity, and they are thrilled at the prospect of winning a challenge. Vaughn starts to insist that Siddhi needs to be the first to go from their tribe, and most of his alliance agrees with that, and they decide to split the vote between Luk and Siddhi in case one of them has an idol. Siddhi herself targets River, seeing him as slimy. Brett, Rita, River, and Vaughn pin votes on Luk, and the rest of the tribe votes out Siddhi, and she goes out without an idol in a 5-4-1 vote.
Episode 4: At the Goliath camp, Barak and Vaughn get into a large argument over something small, and Luk is able to get them to stop fighting, causing the others to respect him a lot more. Barak and River bond and form an alliance after Barak's fight with Vaughn in hopes of getting him out. At the David camp, Eric continues to be a nuisance around camp, as he has a fight with Jean for no reason. Michael finds Zen's idol, and he is furious about how he kept it a secret from him all this time. This causes Zen to be kicked out of the alliance, so he decides to flip from his side to Douglas's side. The Goliath tribe wins immunity yet again, and the David tribe is very demoralized after suffering four losses to one win. Michael, Mike, and Jean decide to target Eric for being too much of a loose cannon, while Douglas's majority targets Jean for being a liability in challenges, since both Michael and Mike were great providers, and Jean was doing nothing. At tribal council, Jean is blindsided in a 5-3 vote.
Episode 5: A tribe swap is announced, and the two tribes become three. Zen is exiled and will join the losing tribe after tribal council. The Vuku tribe consists of Douglas, Barak, Luk, Rita, and River, while on the Jabeni tribe is Eric, Gigi, Mike, Michelle, and Nevaeh. Finally the brand new Tiva tribe has Brett, Cattleya, Celine, Michael, and Vaughn. At Vuku, not much happens when they build their shelter, and at Jabeni, Nevaeh tries to form a bond with Gigi, which works. The Vuku and Jabeni tribes both win immunity, and at Tiva tribe, Brett tries to vote out Celine for being the least close to him, and for being less of a provider than Michael. Brett gets Cattleya and Vaughn on board, and unsuccessfully talks to Michael, who decides to put aside his differences with Celine and works with her to try and eliminate Cattleya, and at tribal council, Celine becomes the fifth person voted out in a 3-2 vote. Zen then joins Tiva.
Episode 6: Brett, Cattleya, Michael, and Vaughn welcome Zen to their camp, but see him as the biggest threat on their tribe, thinking that Zen got an advantage at Exile, which he did not. Brett looks for and finds the idol, so Zen wouldn't have it, and for future safekeeping. Brett decides to go rogue from his five person alliance and forms a bond with Michael, promising to keep him safe in subsequent tribal councils. At the second reward challenge of the season, Vuku and Jabeni win reward, increasing Tiva's losing streak. At Vuku, Barak's strength in challenges impresses the rest of his tribe, and also makes them see him as a threat. Barak also leaves the alliance he's in. Mike impresses his tribe on Jabeni, making Nevaeh want to blindside him next. Gigi and Michelle bond, and Nevaeh pulls them into an alliance with Eric to vote off Mike if they lose, and the Jabeni tribe indeed loses the immunity challenge. Unfortunately, Nevaeh has to be evacuated due to a medical emergency in her family, and she emotionally leaves the game, leaving her four tribemates to fend for themselves.
Episode 7: The day after Nevaeh leaves the game, the remaining contestants compete in a reward challenge, and Vuku loses their first challenge as a new tribe. After losing the reward, Douglas blames the loss on Rita, and asks the others on his tribe to vote her off. This outburst causes him to be seen as threatening to the other tribe members. Rita leaves her alliance of six, not wanting to be associated with them anymore. Not much happens on the Tiva and Jabeni beach, but the Jabenis lose immunity yet again, and back at camp, Eric and Mike get into a huge fight, and the two begin to target one another. Eric wins the support of Gigi and Michelle, and Mike gets voted out 3-1, becoming the first man to be voted out of this season.
Episode 8: The tribes merge into the Kalokalo tribe, with buffs of light blue. Still in the game is Brett, Cattleya, Douglas, Eric, Gigi, Barak, Luk, Michael, Michelle, Rita, River, Vaughn, and Zen. Michael is angered to see Mike be voted out over Eric, and he makes his thoughts very clear to the other tribe members. Luk, knowing that he'll be targeted for his physical strength, sneaks off and finds the idol. River, knowing that Barak is a sinking ship, flips on him and starts to target him. Barak himself targets Vaughn, who sees the young man as troubled, after Vaughn had an outburst earlier that day. River bonds with Zen and convinces him to join his side. Luk wins immunity, cementing his status as a physical threat, and making the other tribemates want to go after him even more. At tribal council, Eric, Barak, Michelle, and Zen vote off Vaughn, while the rest vote for Barak, and Barak becomes the first juror in a 9-4 vote.
Episode 9: The final 12 compete in the first post merge immunity challenge of the season, which is won by a group consisting of Cattleya, Douglas, Michael, Michelle, Rita, and Zen. Michael and Zen reconcile, as Michael, being on the bottom, needs as many allies as he can get. Michael goes on to win the immunity challenge. Back at camp, Rita leaves her alliance with Cattleya and Luk, and they decide to target her. They get Douglas on board, and Brett calls him out for it, calling him a traitor. In the end, they decide to stick with the original plan to vote out Luk, and Luk plays his idol, sending Rita home in a 3-0 vote.
Episode 10: After the biggest blindside of the season so far, the remaining contestants compete in another reward challenge, minus Luk, who sits out for rice. The group of Cattleya, Gigi, Michelle, Vaughn, and Zen win the reward, and they get to enjoy a burger bar and get their minds out of the game for a bit. When they get back to camp, Gigi and Douglas get into an argument, as Douglas feels like Gigi had never had to work for anything in her life. Brett forms a deal with Michael, and Luk tries to get Michelle to work with him, which fails. Eric wins immunity, and the majority decides that Luk is their best bet to vote out. Douglas and Cattleya vote alongside Luk, but it is not enough, and Luk goes in a 8-3 vote.
Episode 11: After Luk's vote off, Cattleya and Douglas are on the bottom, with really nowhere to go. Brett forms a new alliance, with Gigi, Cattleya, and Vaughn, and soon enough, Michael figures out that alliance. He talks to the outsiders, which all turn against Brett, and their first target is the one who they think is the most likely to go on an immunity streak- Vaughn. When Brett, Douglas, Eric, Michelle, and Zen win reward, Brett tries to get Eric and Michelle to join his alliance, and it fails, since both of them were pro-Michael. Brett saves himself from being tenth by winning immunity, and the majority of the tribe is ready to vote Vaughn out. Thinking he has the majority to take out Douglas, he chooses not to play his idol on Vaughn, and Vaughn becomes the fourth member of the jury in a 6-4 vote. Back at camp, Cattleya confronts her tribe about who flipped, and takes out her anger on Eric, but forms a bond with Michelle, for some odd reason. Michelle looks for and finds the idol that Luk used a couple episodes before, and keeps it to herself. Cattleya wins immunity, and Michael decides to cut the head off the snake, so Brett becomes the next big target. Luckily for him, he has the idol, so at tribal council, he plays said idol, and takes out Eric in a 3-0 vote.
Episode 12: Brett goes off and looks for an idol, unable to trust his tribemates, but is unsuccessful. The remaining contestants get a visit from their loved ones, and the group of River and Zen win reward, and they bring Gigi and Michelle along. Michelle bonds with River, and Cattleya and Zen also bond, but nobody decides to flip. The majority decide to target Brett again, but Douglas goes rogue and tries to vote for Cattleya, seeing her as more physical than Brett. Michael wins immunity, and at tribal council, Gigi plays her idol for Brett, and Douglas gets voted out 3-1 and becomes the sixth jury member.
Episode 13: During the last reward challenge of the season, Gigi pulls out a tremendous effort and wins the reward, and brings her close allies Cattleya and Brett along. They plot to get rid of Zen, due to how closed off he is, but the majority four, still in power, target Brett for being an all-around threat, and after Michael wins immunity, the final nail in Brett's coffin has been hammered in. He makes a desperate plea to stay in the game at tribal council, but it is to no avail, and he gets voted out in a 4-3 vote and becomes the seventh member of the jury.
Finale: Six players remain: Cattleya, Gigi, Michael, Michelle, River, and Zen. Michelle impresses the rest of the team, but some also start to see her as a goat, since she played a very safe game. Gigi wins immunity and shares the reward with Cattleya and Michael, thinking the latter would flip. He doesn't. Gigi and Cattleya target Zen again, while Michael targets Cattleya as the only person in the minority that he still hasn't vote off. At tribal council, Cattleya is voted off in a 4-2 vote. Michael wins his fourth immunity of the game, if he were to win one more, he would tie the record for most immunity wins with Jerry and Deef. Everyone in the majority, knowing what to do, all vote off Gigi, but Michelle and Zen both play their idols to be safe, and in total negate only one vote, and Gigi becomes the ninth jury member. After almost three hours, Zen beats out comp beast Michael in the final immunity challenge, but feeling indebted towards him, and the fact that River and Michelle hadn't done much to prove themselves, he puts Michelle and River in the fire making challenge, and River is able to win, making Michelle the ninth and final jury member. In the first all male final tribal council since Arabia, the final three consists of Michael, River, and Zen. River is called out for making big moves over good moves, Zen got flack for having no social game while having decent everything else, and Michael is considered the best all-arounder, even though he relied on challenges, he never got a single vote throughout the game, and the jury decides that it's good enough, and so Michael wins in a 6-4-0 vote, losing Erik, Gigi, Barak, and Luk's votes, as they vote Zen instead of him. Barak is announced as the fan favorite for being the most relatable person on the Goliath tribe, and for getting voted out in a way that did him dirty.
Winner: Michael Krumptone, u/swoldow
Fan Favorite: Jeremiah Barak, u/zohnster
Next season, we will see the introduction of a new twist called the Edge of Extinction, and four returnees will come back to the game to face off against the 14 newbies. Will a new player win, or will a returning favorite claim the prize? Find out in King's Survivor: Edge of Extinction!

OBLIGATORY FILLER MATERIAL – Just take a hard left at Daeseong-dong…7

Continuing
Well, when the props fouled the third time, I suggested we call it a day, as we’d already made some 32 sea-kilometers. We were out on the fringes of the worst of the kelp forest beds, and after a good night’s sleep, we’d be ready to deploy bright and early and get some seismic data acquired and recorded.
But, first, there was the first night aboard ship. In a rusty old tin-can with few creature comforts, as the annual winter monsoon winds wane and the seas actually begin to settle slightly.
I took that as both good omens. The bitching and kvetching I head from the locals about the ‘abominable weather they had to endure’, even from the Coast Guard types, really struck me as uproariously funny.
I just chalked it up to being sequestered from the rest of the world for so long. Put these characters in the path of a Midwestern tornado, East Indian summer monsoon, or Siberian blizzard, and they’d shit themselves blind. I didn’t really think too much of it, although it became somewhat of a game when the imperialistic foreigners tried to one-up each other with horror stories from excursions past.
“No shit”, Dax said, “We were snowed in for a full fortnight.”
“No!” several of us recoiled in mock horror.
“Oh, yah, hey.” Dax continued, “It’s just great when blizzards snap the power lines, and all the toilets freeze. The house cat didn't die until we burned up all our wood. Considering we ate her raw, she tasted pretty good…”
Several of our handlers, a few in the Coast Guard and most of the Korean scientists reacted rather badly to Dax’s story; especially when it had been gorily translated.
Seeing this, Dax stood up, got the soju bottle, and asked if anyone needed a top-up. I asked while puffing away on a large Jamaican cigar if anyone needed a smoke.
At this point, Dax was winning. He had seven of the assembled crowd run to the rail to relieve themselves of our canned Chinese dinner.
Not ever one to shrink from a challenge, I related my second-hand story of my Brother-in-law, who was in the US Coast Guard for years and years. I waited for the green crowd to re-join us and regain what remained of their composure. I figured the quasi-military national Coast Guarders here would appreciate the tale.
Mine wasn’t a gory or shocking tale, just one of the incredible water conditions off the coast of California.
I waited until everyone was settled, drink in hand, and smokin’ ‘em if you got ‘em.
“Well”, I said, “It was on board a ship much like the one we’re currently on,” I said as a rascal wave broke over the railing in counterpoint. “About the same size as this vessel, but with smaller wheels. You know these Coast Guard shallow-water boys”, I chuckled. Always meaning to jab one group or another in the place where I know it stings.
Yeah, I’m a real bastard that way sometimes.
The Korean Coast Guarders sneered hardly at me; but not too hard. They liked my cigars, cigarettes, and open disbursement policy too much.
“Yeah, anyways”, I continued, “He was offshore California in one of the US Coast Guard cutters. It was a boat about 26 meters or so in length. They were out doing search and rescue after a mega-nasty storm blew in from the west and scuttled a sailing regatta race.”
I was drawing them in with my ‘just so’ story, nice and easy, until…
“Yeah, there were several capsized monohulls, catamarans and trimarans. Damn, these things were fucking yachts. Owned by rich idiots that almost knew how to sail but didn’t know enough to get out of the way of a fucking severe storm…”
I really had their attention with ‘soaking the rich’.
“Well, the waves grew and grew, but my Brother-in-laws's boat was built to handle severe weather. These patrol and rescue boat has the capability to roll over 360 degrees and self-right within 30 seconds. Like right now, you’d never even notice this degree rock and roll”, I said as I demonstrated with my cigar, tracing out tighter and tighter rolls, and higher degrees of rocking and rolling.
“They were approaching a capsized trimaran, but the waves kept growing and growing…” I said, leading by example and having them watch me with unblinking attention.
“The waves grew and grew, and normally you’d take these head-on. But that was impossible, because when afternoon came it was slashin' rain, in the face of a hurricane west wind. The boat rolled to the left, heeled, almost keeled, a then rolled the other way just as quickly.” I noted.
They followed me as I timed it with the heavings of our own boat, to the left…to the right…
“Then, just as they were about to reach upon the trimaran, a rogue wave! Out of nowhere”, I said, rocking and rolling along with our own little boat, “BAM! Hit amidships! It didn’t roll once, it rolled twice!” I made great and magniloquent gestures of a tiny boat being savaged by a monstrous rogue sea wave.
I stood up, blew a great blue cloud of smoke towards the poop deck, and said, loudly, “Rolled over once. A full 360! Then rolled right over again. A full 720 degrees!” as I demonstrated what happened with my cigar and drink.
The eyes following me rolled and rolled as well. Some straight back into the owner’s head and some to the left, some to the right…it was like ‘Loose Slots’ night in Vegas, they were rolling and rolling.
And then racing for the rails. Topside to deliver the remains of their hearty canned dinners.
“Beat you, Dax!” I smiled as I sat back down, “I got nine with that at one. And two of them were Coasties!”
“Did that really happen?” Ivan asked.
“According to my Brother-in-law. But he’s an engineer if you know what I mean…” I smiled.
We concluded story night as we had drifted free of the kelp forest and the Captain of the boat decided he’d risk an anchorage for the night. The weather was ameliorating, the seas calming themselves down, and the wind dropping a couple of notches on the Beaufort Scale.
“Well, gents”, I said, “I need some air. The aroma down here of Chinese Aplo™ for dinner, those who didn’t make it to the rails, and the solitary head for the entire crew has lost its charm. If you’ll excuse me”, I said as I grabbed a bottle of ersatz vodka, and several cans of Taedonggang beer, “I’ll be on the aft deck; in my comfy chair and contemplating the wonder of it all.”
With that, I ventured up the stairs and out onto the aft deck.
Dax naturally followed and he found his own not-bolted-down deck chair. We had a constant flow of visitors, foreign and nationals alike. It was shaping up to be a fine night for being out under the stars, there was no light pollution at all. We sat in our chairs, drank our drinks, smoked our smokes, and argued the finer points of astronomy as seen from this part of the world.
I had several side chats with the scientists and academicians from the Korean side. They all had one thing on their minds. Well, one thing after cigars and cigarettes. They wanted Western scientific journals. They were actually trying to bribe me to get those copies, any age, any subject; of Science, AAPG Explorer, and SEPM Proceedings, anything of Western science as it is today. I said they were welcome to a couple of copies of Science and SPE journals I had brought with as an afterthought, for free. With 900 won to the dollar, they needed every won they could get. I wasn’t about to take anything for the free dissemination of knowledge.
However, if they saw it fit to buy me a drink or seven, I wouldn’t object.
In reality, I’d buy those as well.
We made secret pacts to meet at the hotel-casino the night before we left, whenever the fuck that would be. We had a lot of work before us as it stands. It won’t be for a few weeks, I reminded them.
They had no problem. If I could ask the other in the team if they’d do likewise, the appreciation would be palpable.
Great. Now I have to go get my field notebooks and make some more new entries.
Dax cratered around 0100. I elected to stay the night and sleep under the stars as the boat slowly rocked one way and rolled the other. It was quiet, dark as a tomb, and brilliantly lit up by the stellar backbone of the night once the clouds fumbled out. Tomorrow looked as if it were to be bright and sunny if the gentle westerlies had anything to say about the next day’s conditions.
The next day dawned early, bright, and ridiculously sunny as it usually does when the monsoons have departed and it had stopped raining.
“OK.”, I thought, “Time for a hearty breakfast. For someone else. I wonder what’s available here.”
I ventured down to the cold galley and there were several boxes of dry Chinese breakfast cereal, “Shredded Tweet” and the like, some sort of obviously aged bakery, and a case of Taedonggang beer.
“Hmmm”, I mused out loud, “Beer and rice crispies. Breakfast of champions.”
Dax walks in, rubbing his eyes. He sees me drowning my rice cereal in foamy ersatz milk.
“Reminds me of field camp!” I smiled as I chowed on the morning’s offerings.
After our ‘hearty’ breakfast, all the scientific parties gathered in the main stateroom. It was cramped, but the walls were magnetic and we could hang maps, well, charts actually since we’re well offshore now, and plots the day’s course.
Out in the Yellow Sea, we were supposedly over a subsurface, and by dint of being offshore, submarine, dome. Salt dome? Unlikely. Probably more of a shale dome, which isn’t a bad thing when hunting for oil and gas.
Looking at the charts, I ask the locals what our current position was relative to the domal uplift.
After several long moments of silence, I asked again.
“Umm, guys”, I said, “If you’re not going to be forthcoming with something as simple as positional data, then turn this boat 180^0’s and take us back to shore. I am fed up, as are my team, with this tight-holing of the simplest of data when you are the knotheads that asked us here for help. We get paid either way, and I for one wouldn’t mind being paid triple to sit in the hotel’s basement and drink”
After telling the translator to translate that last part literally, I sat back, pulled out a really nasty cigar, and went through all the threatening moves of firing it up in the enclosed cabin.
“You will have to excuse us”, came the reply from one of the elders, “We are not used to dealing with oegugseon [foreigners].”
“Are you used to following orders?” I asked brusquely.
“Of course!” came the near-unanimous reply.
“Great. Then consider this an order: You will relay the appropriate information when asked by any Westerner on this cruise. Consider it as coming from the Supreme Leader of this expedition.” I noted.
Using the term ‘Supreme Leader’ was both a bow to their current bad-hair-cut in charge and my desire to let them know I was serious as a kick to the scrotum about the whole fucking deal.
There were a couple of gasps and some consternatious talk, but eventually, one brave soul got up, walked over to the chart, and pointed to our relative location.
“There”, I added, “That wasn’t so hard, was it? Didn’t hurt in the least, did it?”
There were a few chuckles amongst our national colleagues, so I figured that was at least a little progress.
“OK, then”, I continued, “Volna? Ack? You’re up to bat.”
I turned the proceedings over to the geophysicists. They would devise the configuration of the towed array, our speed, direction, charge size, which was based on depth, and all the other geophysical flips and twists one has to do in order to acquire the best data.
This shit doesn’t come cheap. The Mesozoic-Paleozoic marine residual basin in the South Yellow Sea where these domes live is a potentially significant deep potential hydrocarbon reservoir. However, the imaging of the deep prospecting target is quite challenging due to the specific seismic-geological conditions. In the Central and Wunansha Uplifts, the penetration of the seismic wavefield is limited by the shallow high-velocity layers (HVLs) and the weak reflections in the deep carbonate rocks. With the conventional marine seismic acquisition technique, the deep weak reflection is difficult to image and identify. We confirm through numerical simulation that the combination of multi-level impulse source (i.e., explosive) array and extended cable used in the seismic acquisition is crucial for improving the imaging quality.
With that, we’re going to be recording a minimum of four stacks, with a receiver interval of 25 meters. The array will have a shot interval of 50 meters, with a 25 meter near offset, and a 2500 meter far offset. We will attempt to record 180 channels, off-end, with a sampling period of 0.5 seconds, and a record length of 5 seconds. We’ll sail the same course 4 times to verify previous records and attempt to add ‘fold’, i.e., extra data from the same point, to the overall records.
That’s the plan, at least.
Loads of preparation, logistics, and execution.
After a half an hour or so, both Volna and Ack are finished with the national scientists.
They set down their notebooks, pens, notes, and pointers; walk out of the meeting room and directly over to the galley.
“Hungry, fellas?” I inquire.
“Rock?”, Ack asks, “You have explosives here, right? Sink us. Just fucking sink us right now.” As he pours himself and Volna a stiff shot of real vodka.
“Uh, oh. Problems in Dreamland?” I ask, utilizing the derogatory name for the geophysical domain of exploration data.
“Un-be-fucking-believable.”, Volna adds.
“Your colloquial American is coming along well, Volna.” I snickered a bit.
“I learn from you”, he spat, “Cannot believe this. They don’t record while underway. They tow single array and stop. Then drop dynamite over side. They record. Then they do it again. Claim this gives them good fold. This is bullshit. You said devise program. HA! Take us to shore and let me teach them the fucking basics of geophysical acquisition. Then in a few years, we come back and do it right.”
“Oh, fuck”, I reply, wincing, “That bad?”
“Oh, no”, Ack continues, “It’s worse.” As he down 100 milliliters of booze in one draught and pours another for Volna and is own self, “No on-board demultiplexing. No on-board pre-processing. No-onboard QA/QC. No on-board anything. It’s fucking hopeless. Sink us, I’d rather take my chances with the sharks.”
“They can’t do all that stuff or they won’t do all that stuff,” I asked, expecting the worst.
“Oh, it might be possible, with this museum-grade crap they call a computer they have on-board. It’s just time-consuming, tricky, and will need constant attention. But with this raft of sad-sacks, flub-a-dubs and third rate hobbyists?” Ack and Volna agree as one.
“Consider it job security”, I replied, “How about this? One test loop and we use that data to do what’s necessary; just once. Then we can say we’ve shown them the way. After that, I’ll leave it up to the National scientists.”
“Good thing we have 2 full days, Rock”, Volna said, “Because we do a single AC (acquisition) run, it’ll take the rest of the time to show these buggers how it’s done.”
“Ack? You agree?” I asked.
Ack agreed, in spades.
“OK, gentlemen”, I said, “Let’s make it so. About time, too. I haven’t blown anything up in a couple of weeks. I’m getting antsy. Let’s go tell them the good news.”
“NO! WE REFUSE!” was the cheery response from the nationals when Ack, Volna, and I laid out the rather lengthy program for the next couple of days.
“OK. Someone tell the Captain to head for home. We’re done here.” I calmly told our handlers and the translators.
Panic in Pyongyang.
Immediately, there is this hue and cry about how this was not supposed to be how this trip was going to work. This was to be an acquisition trip only. This was to be a one-off to show Best Korea geophysical prowess. This was supposed to be data gathering trip on the Western scientists…
Oops.
That last one was a bit of a mistake.
I turn to one of the translators and ask them to re-translate that last part, just in case I was hearing imaginary things.
“Oh, yes”, he replied, “He said they were here to gather data on the Western Scientists as well as offshore data.”
“Is that a fact?” I reacted. “Please tell them I need to see all my team members on the fantail immediately if you would. Sorry, translators and nationals not included in this little meeting.”
We reconvene on the fantail a few minutes later. I walk in on this little conclave with cigar and drink in hand.
“OK, gents”, I say, puffing a huge blue cloud, swigging a tot, “Here’s what I think we, as responsible international scientists, should do in this regrettable situation. We were asked to come here, with provisions that we would not be under cynosure, observation, or surveillance. Given ‘Open and Free Access’, no questions asked. We were to be treated as “esteemed guests”. This is obviously a load of dingo’s kidneys. I think we need to get as creative as possible and do whatever we can to provide as much deliberate misinformation to these characters to annoy, amaze, or disgust them as much as possible. Comments?”
There’s a general buzz, but no real dissention. After a few moment's discussion, Dax suggests we get a load of XXXXL condoms, and leave them around packaged as “Texas Medium”.
“That’s the spirit”, I reply. “Anyone one else up for a little Psychological Operations on our not-so-clever-nor-truthful hosts?”
We all agree that we will, in our own little way, start a campaign of deliberate misinformation, misdirection, and general petty bullshit nastiness for our hosts to discover and by which be dismayed.
Everyone’s in agreement. This trip has been a rotund bale of jeers from the get-go.
Promises made, promises broken. Itineraries approved then inexplicably disapproved. We make requests, they accede; and then nothing ever happens. It’s most frustrating.
We’re tolerating a lot of horse, bull, cow, and assorted other farmyard excrements; all in the name of international harmony and scientific goodwill. This has been an outgoing one-way street for too long. We’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take it anymore.
“Hellfire and Dalmatians!” I growl, growing angrier every minute I think about the subject, “We need to take the high, low, and middle ground on this offensive. Nothing too overt or obvious; however we need to jank these bastards good. But they can’t realize they’re being janked…!”
Ack cuts in.
“The esteemed Dr. Rock is right. Psychotic...but absolutely right. We got to take these bastards. We could fight them with conventional weapons. That could take years...cost millions of lives. In this case... I think we have to go all out. I think this situation absolutely requires...a really futile and stupid gesture... be done on somebody's part.”
There’s a general buzz among the assembled.
“And we're just the guys to do it.”
Shouts and catcalls of deep agreement.
“Operation ‘Confound-a-Korean’” is now enacted.
“About fucking time!”
“Let’s do it!”
“Dissen gonna be bery messy! Me no watchin!”
“OK, I think, “Who’s the prequel-series wiseass?”
“OK, gentlemen”, I continue, “We continue with our scientific duties. No fucking around there. But, when it comes to…interpretation…opinion…or personal viewpoint; let’s go full impede. Dazzle them with brilliance or baffle them with bullshit.”
We all agree and after a couple of quick rounds of old thought provoker, we realize this trip has just taken a hard left into Wackyland. We will have to let our comrades onshore know of this, but that can wait until we return. Right now, we all have jobs to do. Real jobs, serious jobs, covert and sneaky jobs…
So, it’s back to the recording shack as we lay out the plans for the next couple of days.
Volna begins: “OK, listen up you primitive screwheads. We’re going to assemble and layout a recording array that’s called a Meisenheimer Triplet. You do know what a simple Meisenheimer Triplet is, don’t you?”
There’s a slight murmur from our national friends, but in the end, they all plead ignorance.
“Right. Thought so. A Meisenheimer Triplet is a central towed array flanked by two shorter, subparallel flanking sub-frammitz arrays. We will assemble this array on-board, even though it’s probably going to take every ounce of silver solder and electrician’s tape you’ve got. The amount of data received is orders of magnitude greater than any single Sheriff-sonde array, like the ones you been using.”
Suddenly, there are nods and murmurs of agreement.
“Right”, Volna smiles sinisterly to me, “With that, we’ll need to devise an explosive package, well, actually, a series of explosive packages based on the harmonia of the pre-bottom fore-sets, water depth, tow vehicle velocity, water column density, and decomposition coefficients of the said water column. Oh, yeah. Fish too.”
Volna is really getting into the spirit of the affair.
“Who is your explosives engineer?” Ack asks, “He’s going to have to do some serious number-crunching with all the pre-blast data we’ll need to supply. “
One quick translation and there’s nothing but long faces and querulous looks from our national crowd.
“We have no explosives engineer”, the head Best Korean geophysicist laments. “Explosives are very, very heavily regulated by the government. That’s why we have several Government Observers on board. They handle the explosives.”
“Oh?” Ack remarks, “Are they fully up to speed on the Barnard-Reichmann equations for hydro-displacement of serial charges? Which subset of the marine rarefication coefficients do they employ?”
“Ummm, don’t know.” was the answer.
“Don’t know? Well”, Volna continues, “Then, they must be pretty good with the Langefors-Kihlström formulae, right?”
“No. Not as such.” Came the response.
“I see”, Ack sighs, “Well, then, I guess they must utilize the Il’yushin algorithms then. OK, it’s a bit old school, but they should still work.”
“Ah. Well. No.” was the rejoinder they offered.
“Well, then what the fuck do they use?” Volna explodes, “A modified Ambraseys-Hendorn model? Ghosh-Damen 1? Ghosh-Damen 2? Indian Fargin Standard? Prejaculated Rai-Singh protocols, fer’ chrissake? Which?”
Nothing but shaking heads and wringing hands.
“They take a case of dynamite, wire it up, and throw it overboard with a long fuse.” Was the eventual answer. “That’s why we stop to record.”
Long, exasperated sigh later, “Jesus Q. Tapdancing Christ on a crème cracker. No wonder you never get anything done.” Volna continues, “You characters are in luck. You just happen to be so lucky to have an internationally-renowned Master Blaster right here on board ship today.”
Volna turns the crowd over to me, “Doctor? Do your damnedest. And good luck.”
“Thanks, Volna”, I say, cigar in one hand, stalwart drink in the other, “OK, guys. Here’s the deal. When it comes to explosives and explosive design, I’m the hookin’ bull. No one has authority over me. Not the Captain. Not the boson’s mate. Not the Captain’s Consort even. Nor the guys in the cheap shiny suits. What I say, goes. No exceptions. No hesitation. We green or are we going back to shore?”
“Cholog?” they ask.
“Yes. ‘Cholog’. Green. Are we understanding one another? Are we all in agreement? Are you fuckin’ diggin’ me, Beaumont?”
There’s some quick back and forth in Korean, a lot of seeming bad noise. Even the shiny suit squad and Coasties join in the fun.
“Grudgingly, we agree. Green as you say, Doctor Rock. You are the one in charge.” Came the head national’s reply.
“Splendid. I’m in charge of the charges.” I chuckle, puffing an enormous cloud of expensive Oscuro smoke, “Volna, Ack; please get me the required parameters. I’ll be in the ordnance locker to see what we’re working with here. C’mon fellas, chop-chop!”
Volna and Ack take their select set of geophysical wishers and wannabes while I get the rest of the locals, the shiny suit squad in reserve, but in tow.
I head off to the ordinance locker.
Dax runs behind “Hey! Wait for me.”
“We have to”, I snigger a reply, “We’re going to need a drinks runner.”
“Marvelous…” was the one-word response.
We get to the locked ordinance locker. It’s one of the few original structures remaining on the ship. The boat was torn down almost to the waterline and re-built for seismic acquisition, but they had enough brains to realize that the source of the seismic signals was usually explosive in nature. Dinoseis and Mini-Sossie were closed books to them.
Therefore, the locker remained intact, however grudgingly.
“Whew! And what a locker.” I whewed. “And what a lock. OK, who’s got the keys?”
There are general hemming and hawing and no one seems to know where the keys for the ordinance locker are kept.
“Well, gents”, I say, pointedly, “I would suggest that one or more of you toddle off and fucking find the goddamn keys or this will turn out to be a very short and unproductive trip, indeed.”
A while later, a bit longer than I personally care for, the boat’s Captain wanders up, all a-scowl and generally pissed-off looking.
“Who here needs the key to the explosives locker?” He asks in his Captainly, no-nonsense manner.
There’s more muttering and murmuring, but eventually, all fingers point toward me.
The Captain looks at me.
“Hello.”
He’s giving me the once over with a LASER stink eye. I don’t know which irritated him the most; the lit cigar, the drink, the Stetson, Hawaiian shirt, cargo shorts, Scottish knee socks or field boots.
“And who the hell are you”? He asks, oh, so wrongly, through an interpreter.
I stand up, fully puffed to full mammalian threat posture and say in a loud steady voice;
“I’m THE Doctor Rocknocker, the MOTHERFUCKING PRO FROM DOVER!, that’s who.”
Since I had a good 6 inches and way too many kilos on him; my loud, American and very un-oriental answer took him completely by surprise.
His eyes got as big as dinner plates and he shakily held out the ring of keys for the explosives locker.
“Why thank you very much”, I said, bowing in his direction ever so slightly. Wasn’t his fault he wasn’t totally clued in on all the recent goings-on aboard his vessel.
I toss the keys to Dax, “Here, earn your keep.” I snickered.
Dax deftly fields the keys, chuckles back, and begins the game of ‘which key for which lock’?
I thank the Captain and explain that I’m the de facto leader of this special education class, and make some pointed, mild epitaphs about landlubbers, national scientists, and the cargo of the totally clueless on board.
He sees I’m not a total boor and relaxes some. We haven’t really had a real introduction, so I grab a translator and engage the Captain in a short, though insightful conversation.
Cigars were exchanged. Handshakes were as well.
Seems he’s just as aggravated by these know-it-alls who really know-fuck-all. We see eye to eye and part friends once Dax finally figures out the combination to the weapons locker.
“Holy fuck!” I exclaim, “Now that’s a door.” I say looking at the slowly-opening covering of the weapon’s portico. Fully five solid inches of solid steel. Triple reinforced hinges. Deadman's latches. Bringles-jams and solid, non-decabulated cast-steel cross-members.
Just the thing to contain an errant blast and send all that excess energy skyward instead of into the bowels of the boat.
OK, bonus points for that design feature.
I look inside, but it’s dark and fragrant as the inside of an irritated oyster in the bottom of the Tonga-Kermadec Trench.
Dax fumbles around and finds the light switch.

FLIP

“Hmmm.” I hmmed. “Well, we’re all set for dynamite, I see.”
Case after case after case of leaking, cheap-ass Chinese knock-off sort-of Du Pont-style 50% dynamite. Box after box of Pseudo-Dyno-Nobel blasting caps. Delaminating, unwinding spools after spool of “PrimUcord”. Sticky “Korea” brand silk-woven coated Demolition Wire.
“Gads.” I sigh. “What a nightmare. Either this stuff goes off when you give it a dirty look or it doesn’t go off at all.”
Dax looks to me, “So, the trip’s a bust. Is that what you’re saying?”
“If we don’t find something that’ll work, probably,” I reply. “This shit’s worthless.”
We continue to search after I shoo everyone but Dax out of the locker. It’s damp and musty in here, smelling disconcertingly of kerosene, gherkins, and old sardines. That’s one sure sign of dynamite going bad. I warn Dax to be extra careful, that this stuff hasn’t had the best of handling. We could be in for an unexpected surprise.
So, we redouble our efforts and are much more circumspect.
Knock-off this and fake-ass that.
All Chinese in origin. It might have worked one day; but after sitting in here, unattended, unturned, and uncared for? I’m ready to both literally and figuratively pull the plug on this whole fiasco.
Dax is all smiles.
“Doctor?” Dax asks, “What is it that would make you happy?”
“A nice fishing boat, a huge never-emptying bank account, endless cigars, and a comfy chair back in the north of Baja Canada in a tavern on a good fishing lake,” I replied.
“Well”, Dax smiles, “I can’t do that, but how about this?” as he opens a cleverly hidden door.
I look in, let my eyes adjust to the low-light scenario to see no lakes, no huge bank accounts, nor fishing boats; but what I do see makes me smile wide.
It’s a sub-locker full of familiar Made-in-the-USA, True Blue, American-manufacture cyclo-trimethylene-tri-nitramine, or Good Ol’ C-4 explosive. Block after lovely hexahedral block of the stuff.
“Dax”, I say, “Take a gold star out of petty cash. You’ve just saved the mission.”
“I’ll settle for a tall vodka and one of your cigars”, Dax smiles.
“Later”, I say, “We now have a little job which to attend.”
With C-4, designing the impulse charges is seriously a walk in the park. They’re already waterproof, so all I need is water depth and the number of seconds to which they want to record data. I can bundle a series of blocks of the stuff, charge them with a couple-three or four, just in case, blasting caps, and connect them with stout lengths of demolition wire. These will be dragged, with a ‘Herring Dodger’, to control depth, behind the boat as we are underway.
It’s a novel idea, I know. One that’s only been in use in the west for about 60 years.
We’ll drag a daisy chain of C-4 packets. One after another, individual charges in the packets will detonate milliseconds apart. I can bundle the packets so that we can run a charge string of up to 12 discrete packets which will attenuate the amplification of the arrhythmic flux, I tell one of my Korean onlookers.
With this set-up, we can record data for literally sea-miles.
First, we will moosh the C-4 into a flattened, semi-hydrodynamically stable pancake or airfoil, OK, hydrofoil, shape; wire three or five of them together, charge them, then repeat.
Depending on what parameters Volna and Ack supply, the chain will just be a number of similar packets, trailing one after the other, detonating from back to front; down below the hydrophones, but well above the seafloor.
We know that the hydrophones will be at or very near the surface, but we need to know, explicitly, the basal bathymetry of the area we're about to shoot. Wouldn’t do anyone any good if we drove over a seafloor hump and dragged the C-4 over it to have it detonate prematurely.
Or not at all.
So, we need to plot our course and sail it today while we get the hydrophone arrays built and we image the seafloor where we’re going to do some blasting. After that, it’ll probably be an all-nighter to create the blasting strings so we can spend the next day recording, and then head for home as we’re nearly out of victuals and potables.
At least, that’s the plan.
I convene a quick meeting and we plot a course on the latest charts. 30 kilometers of recording.
Shit, that’s going to be a lot of explosives. Doable, but a pain.
Remembering the quality of the recording equipment, I suggest we do a test run in the morning of just 5 kilometers. If that works, and we can up it in increments.
Dax, Sagong the head Korean geophysicist, and I go to visit the Captain.
We visit the Captain and lay out our plans. He has no objections, as were in Best Korean waters and there are no obstacles out here like sunken wrecks, kelp forests, American aircraft carriers, or other impediments.
With that, we tell him to align the ship and let us know when he can begin doing the recon sortie.
He says that he can do that immediately, and before we're out of the pilothouse, we’re recording bathymetric, i.e., depth, data. The technology’s not much different, nor advanced, than a standard Lake Winnebago fish finder, so that’s one disaster sorted.
We are sailing along in a series of parallel straight lines, which when the data are played back and deconvoluted, will give us a good idea of the bathymetry which we’ve been motoring over. It’ll basically give us both a depth map and a surface, ok, bottom, map of the seafloor above which we’re sailing. A little basic submarine hyperbolic quantum trigonometry and well, we have the data we need to plug into the various equations to see what we’ll require when we want to record seismic data to 5000 milliseconds.
With that, there’s not much else to do until we have the survey map. I dragoon Dax and Cliff into helping me inventory the explosives bunker.
“The hell with the dynamite, PrimUcord, and other Oriental-Knockoff Horseshit”, I instruct my helpers, “Let’s just count up the C-4, and see what our tally is. Oh, yeah, give me a tally of the blasting caps. Gotta use those ratty bastards, they’re the only actuators here I sort of, kind of, trust.”
With Dax, myself, and Cliff, we’re done in less than an hour. I decide that I’ll be the keeper of the keys and take them back to the Captain my own self. Rules of engagements, chain of command and all that hogwash.
I hand the keys over to the Captain and instruct the co-pilot to make an entry in the logbook that I returned the key to the Captain, this date, this time.
“By the book. It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law.” I muse.
To be continued…

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