Best Bets in Roulette - Popular Roulette Numbers to Bet On

There seems to be a lot of interest in stocks from young investors. I imagine that many will make their way from WSB to this sub because WSB is a bunch of monkeys flinging poo. You may have lost some money and now you want to explore stocks from less of a Meme and emotional perspective.
There is nothing wrong with Meme stocks. Meme stocks can be fun. I have had fun with it. I am also a 42-year-old man with rental properties, commercial properties, and a few small businesses. BB, NOK, AMC, and even GME are all fine. The DD is fine behind all of them. The issue is that if I lose $1,000 then I can write myself a check from one of my businesses for $10,000 to make myself feel better. That is not a brag...it is simply sharing that people come from different places in life.
You are just starting off life and probably have far fewer resources and every dollar matters more.
I challenge anyone to CMV but I am not a big proponent of stocks as a core investment strategy. Here are my reasons why.

1. Information has a time-decay of value. Meaning that information becomes less valuable over time. Data is what is mined to often produce new Information. You are at a disadvantage when it comes to both data and information. The information that you get on a retail level has already lost much of its value. This is where the saying "if you read it in the news you are already too late"
2. You have no power. You simply cannot compete with whales and whales don't become whales by letting people glean the crumbs that are leftover. They have the power to move markets, you don't.
3. You have no control over outcomes. You have no control over the success of a company. You have no control over other investors. You have no control over anything.
4. The odds on options are not that great. Even compared to blackjack our betting the outside of a roulette table they are just not that good.
5. Many people that are far more intelligent than you are, lose money at stock investing.
6. Your emotions and FOMO will be a hindrance and problematic.
7. Most stock investors are too young to understand the market cycles

I like stocks as a small part of an overall investment strategy for young people for the following reasons.

1. Time is valuable and you have the most time
2. Compound interest is the "force" behind all investing and compound interest compliments the stock market very well
3. Certain strategies can complement long-term wealth building

Building wealth through stocks is like trying to build a house one brick at a time...just you, and you are gathering the straw, digging the mud, and pressing each brick by hand. When it rains many of your bricks will wash away. If the sun shines for enough days then you will make good progress.
The problem is that all markets cycle. The housing market cycles. Petroleum and natural gas cycles. The stock market cycles. I believe that a full market cycle is around 18 years with around 7-12 years in an up cycle and 6-11 in a down cycle. In the stock market, they call these bull and bear markets. We are currently in one of the longest bull markets on record due to interest rates and the feds printing money. No one has a crystal ball but sooner or later the market will peak. When this happens Boomers will be the first to pull money out and put it into bonds or CDs. Boomers are as big of a whale as retail can get. Anyone and I mean anyone could have made money in the current market. If ten years ago you had asked a five-year-old to pick five of their favorite things and invested in their choices you would have made money. That could be Barbies, YouTube, Pizza, Sprite, and their Dog. They would have made money on any stocks you picked around those five things.
There will come a day sooner or later when Boomers and GenX will see trends in the market that they don't like. Boomers own multiple houses and are deep into retirement. GenX is a small but powerful generation that is now on the back Nine Holes of life. Gen X will largely inherit the wealth of the Boomers. There will come a shift towards mitigating losses and that shift is not far away. When they move their money from markets so goes the market.
Is it fair to say that one of the longest bull cycles on record could transition to one of the longest bear cycles?
Let's look at Millenials...a generation that is struggling to just buy a home. Boomers own a few. GenX may own a couple and Millenials that are now entering into their forties struggle with one. Millenials are a massively sized generation that I believe is now bigger than both GenX and Boomers combined because Boomers are dying at a rapid pace. Millenials are the generation that were adults starting life and careers in 2008 and full-blown families with Covid-19. Maybe one of the unluckiest generations.
GenZ is this very talented and intelligent generation. Y'all are creating disruptions in culture, in politics, and in Wall Street. You are savvy and demanding. Giving billionaires the finger while pissing on the front door of their mansions.
But you need to be careful.
Stocks are not the key to your success. They are just a single tool in your toolbox. A better tool may be early homeownership or owning a small business. Life is about options...and I am not talking about the gambling options of Wall Street. I am talking about the options of having equity in a home to adapt to economic swings. I am, talking about the options of owning a small business where your day to day decisions make you smarter and more valuable. Where you own assets that make you money. Most importantly you have control over your own destiny.
I am not telling you not to invest in stocks. I am just telling you that it should be a limited part of your overall strategy in life. Unless someone has been through two complete cycles of the stock markets then I would take their advice with a grain of salt.
General advice:

1. Don't sell stocks that you have taken a loss on
2. Buy when everyone is selling and sell when everyone is buying
3. Invest in stocks with a strategy based on your knowledge and experience
4. Invest only what you can afford to lose
5. Stocks work best with time. Leave them alone
6. Be a value investor
7. Invest with a purpose

Number seven is important. For example, I like Robotics, AI, and Automation. I like these is two specific areas....transportation and mining. I operate in the Transportation industry. I know that very soon human drivers will be eliminated and self-driving trucks will take over. Trucks will be loaded, driven, and unloaded without a single human being doing any of that work. With that will come an entire supporting industry. Tow trucks will need to be automatically dispatched when trucks break down or in accidents. AI will need to be involved in decision making. I will see these changes before I am dead and I am 42.
I like underwater mining. Our oceans are the next frontier and the next gold rush. We have areas of sea bottom that has very little life but is rich in gasses, minerals, and thermal energy. Automation, AI, and robotics will play a huge role in underwater mining. I will see this transition start in my lifetime and I am 42.
Beyond that, once we have machines that are capable of underwater mining then we have the basics for machines that can mine inner-system planetary objects. From nearby asteroids to the moon, to thermal energy collection closer to the sun, to Mars and beyond. The wealthiest person in existence will be the person that is able to start the first off-planet mining operation. Where there is no EPA, no taxes on land, where we are not building sub-divisions next to mines. Where we don't have to worry about the ecosystem. Where gasses and pollutants are not pollutants because there is nothing of consequence to pollute. The largest land-owners in existence will be the owner of off-world mining operations. That may not happen in my lifetime...but it may in yours.
I like investing in Meme stocks because they are fun. But I also invest in Robotics, AI, and automation with one-single question....is this company taking humanity one-step close to automated transportation or underwater mining? I invest with a purpose.
Sure I will grab up some value stocks every now and then. People are going to be flying more than ever in a few years. People are going to be more social than ever in a few years. Shoot Condom manufacturers are a buy right now because people will be..........you get the idea.
The whole reason that I wrote this excessively long post is to maybe get you into thinking about your strategy....what is it? And to caution you on being "all-in" on stocks.
Stonks don't always go up.

Hello everyone! I have only been on Reddit for a few months but I learned so much from it that I figured I should try and give back to the community. English is my second language and this is the first time I ever write a full-length article, I hope you will enjoy reading it and I would be very thankful if you could provide some feedback about my writing, about the topic, or about anything else really… So here goes!
Why you should learn poker and game theory:
My story is similar to that of many: I learned about the game 10 years ago (during the golden age of online poker) when some friends of mine invited me to play a home game. Although I initially thought of poker as just another game of chance akin to playing slots or roulette in a casino, I quickly came to realize that there is a lot more to it as my more experienced friends would repeatedly get the best of me during these home games, which led me to start watching videos and reading strategy books to improve my skill… Little did I know it’d be the start of a journey that would impact many different aspects of my life way beyond the game itself, as most of the fundamental principles learned through poker can be applied to your decision-making outside of the game, especially when it comes to money management and investing. Now, let’s dive into a few of these principles:
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- Risk management (i.e. Bankroll management)
When learning about how to be successful playing poker, the first big piece of advice most people come across is bankroll management or BRM. To understand BRM, you must first realize that poker has a lot of variance: you might be vastly ahead in a given hand but there is almost always a slim chance that you will lose in the end if one specific card hits. This implies that you will sometimes lose even though you were a 99% favorite, and that you will sometimes get unlucky and lose 2, 5 or maybe even 20 such encounters in a row. THIS is variance. It doesn’t mean that you played bad or that you made bad decisions, but rather that you got unlucky. Over time you will have lucky streaks and unlucky streaks, and these will average out in the long term… It’s just the way the game goes.
Now that we understand variance, let’s get back to BRM. What is it exactly? Let’s say you are the best poker player in the world but you only have 1000$ that you can EVER use to play with. Taking your whole 1000$ on one table and multiplying your stack at an exponential rate might seem like a good idea. Surely nothing can go wrong since you’re the best player in the world right? But variance can be a bitch ;) Even if you’re the best you will lose regularly and you will sometimes get unlucky, it’s just part of the game. The correct move here is to apply BRM, which means only using a small % of your available capital for each game you play in order to reduce the risk of going broke. Using only 100$ per game would already be a lot safer, but you still run the risk of going under on a streak of bad luck. If you only allocate 10$ per game you play, then it becomes virtually impossible for you to ever go broke, even on a huge streak of bad luck. Sure it’s not as exciting and you won’t be making money quite as fast as you could, but this is the way to go to make sure you don’t go broke…
This approach to risk management translates very well to investing:
- Only invest what you can afford to lose. Once the money is on the table it’s as good as gone, which is why you should only use your “spare” cash and never invest with your living expenses or worse, borrow money to invest.
- Diversify your investments. There is always a chance, however slim it might be, that you will lose most of your investment. This is why going all-in on a specific investment is generally a bad idea (this applies particularly well in the crypto space).
Proper BRM allows you to make sure that you will come out ahead in the long run if you play well, which basically comes down to making more good decisions than bad ones. But that’s assuming you don’t let emotions come in the way of your decision-making, which brings us to our next point…
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- Emotional management (i.e. Handling tilt/Positive mindset)
Nobody likes losing… In the same way we enjoy winning because of the dopamine rush, we feel bad when we lose which is totally natural. Overcoming this and avoiding tilt (irrational decisions made out of angefrustration) is an essential skill for any successful poker player. You might play a sound game of poker and apply good BRM, but you will still lose if you let your emotions get the best of you.
After a loss, rather than being angry and frustrated, you should evaluate your decision-making. If your decision-making was good, you just got unlucky and you shouldn’t worry about it since you are playing for the long run (remember that variance teaches us that anything can happen in the short-term). If your decision-making was bad, you need to learn from your mistakes and move on. The key here is to always have a positive mindset: making mistakes is part of the learning process and should be seen as an occasion to improve. Being angry and ranting, on the other hand, rarely result in anything positive.
Again, this translates very well to investing:
- Don’t be impulsive, don’t let your emotions cloud your judgment. You should not FOMO because the price is pumping, nor should you sell because of FUD or price corrections. If you believe in a project, short-term price changes (did I hear someone say “variance”?) shouldn’t bother you.
- Don’t get stuck up on losses. You bought the top and it crashed immediately after? You sold the bottom right before a huge rally? Don’t let this bother you: what’s done is done and you just need to move on and make the best of your current situation.
- Have a positive mindset. Anger and frustration lead to nothing. Yes you could have bought in 2009 when you first heard about it, hindsight is always 20/20. Stay positive and keep learning/improving yourself.
The good thing about all this is that it goes way beyond poker or investing. Being aware of your emotions and how they affect you, learning how to handle losing even when you were “supposed” to win, etc… All this can tremendously help you in all aspects of life by making you less impulsive and more rational in your decision-making. Now, this leaves us with our last fundamental principle of a sound poker strategy:
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- Basic stats and probabilities (i.e. Expected value/Odds)
To become an accomplished player, you will inevitably have to learn about these simple mathematical tools that poker players use all the time in their decision-making process, such as odds and expected value. To make it very simple, the expected value (EV) of any bet is (REWARD \ WinRate - RISK), meaning that if you can bet 1000$ with a chance to win 10k$ half of the time, your EV is *(10000\0.5)-1000 = +4000$**. Obviously these are great odds to take as long as you have enough capital to overcome variance. But things would be very different if the odds of winning were only 5% as your EV would then be negative *(10000\0.05)-1000 = -500$.*** Now this is clearly a bet you should not take…
Now that you know probabilities, statistics and game theory are useful decision-making tools in poker, guess what? They are also extremely useful in investing! Even better, the study of game theory with problems such as the “Byzantine generals” or the “Three prisoners” has been, along with cryptography, the foundation on which blockchain technology was built, enabling the trustless and decentralized services that are about to revolutionize our world…
Assuming this was enough to pique your interest and make you want to dig deeper, I’ll just add that just like the other topics we discussed and as you might have guessed, this translates very well to investing and also to pretty much anything in your life:
- Learn how to break down complex situations. Logical thinking paired with a statistical approach will help you break down any complex problem into several easier problems, making the whole thing a lot easier to approach/comprehend.
- Base your decisions on a methodical and rational approach. List every possible outcome along with its associated upside/downside, estimate the probability of each outcome to occur and make the best decision based on the information available.
My point here is that risk management, emotional management and statistics/game theory are all awesome tools that you should definitely add to your arsenal. Not only will it improve your money-management and investing, it will also be beneficial to your decision-making and to your life in general. Of course poker is not the only way to learn about these, but I personally found it to be the best practice ground to refine and improve them, which is why I strongly encourage you all to try it out and study the game.
I hope you enjoyed the article, and I wish you all a happy 2021 bull run! May we all come closer to retirement and financial independence!
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TL;DR: more than a game, poker is a school of thought. It teaches you to be reasonable, to assess the risk of every single choice you make, to overcome you emotions, to play the long game rather than the short game, to make informed decisions, etc… This has made me a lot wiser in every aspect of my life, which is why I strongly encourage to try it out and read about poker strategy.

I was asked to make a post about some stories within the Casino grounds so I thought I'd share. I have many so I'll do my best to pick the better ones.
Some back information: I've been a Casino Dealer for 11 years, I've been a supervisor for five years, and I've been a Surveillance Operator for one year. I've worked at three properties, none of which are connected or owned by the same company. I've worked on : Government/Private/Native American owned casinos.

1. From Hero to Zero.

At my first Casino, I was one of the first group of people who were trained to deal Roulette . After 4 weeks of working 6PM-3AM then doing roulette training from 3AM-8AM (Not paid) , I actually really enjoyed the game and after about six months I became extremely quick at the number game and the pace of the action was steady with very low margin of errors. Young man walks in, cashes in for $500. He buys in for $2 chips and just loads the board. After a few spins and pretty decent hits, he then changes his chips from $2 to 5$ then to $10 and racks his winnings up to $10,000. It was then, five spins in a row, he loaded the board with some pretty gross bets, and every spin I would hit the ONE number with either NO CHIPS on it, or maybe 1 chip , He lost all $10,000 in a matter of minutes. He leaves , and I go on break. After my break I was going back to the same table and wouldn't you know it, the same young man walks in and cashes in another $500. He tells me he just sold his car outside and this is all that he had left. So we do the same deal, buys in for $2 chips, then slowly starts betting $5 chips, $10, $25...and he makes $10,000 AGAIN. Within the next 25 minutes it was straight agony. Every spin, same thing, he would bet $2500 in chips, and win only $250, $400, and after about a half hour he lost it all . Never saw the guy again.
2) Man down
At this property, we are 24 hours for table games. It's currently 5AM , and I'm dealing some $25 Blackjack to this guy. He's probably early thirties , heavy guy. He's sober as can be, but right away I can tell he's been losing. We know how much you've bought in for, how much your down, or up, and I could see he was down $2000+. After about twenty minutes of pure losing, his temper starts to flare.At this point I now have two other guests at my table. Drinking coffee, not saying a word, just losing their money. After losing hand, after hand, this guy looks me straight in the eye, seized up, starts shaking, he can't move. He tries to punch towards me and smashes his stack of chips all over the place and falls backwards to the floor. I call for security, we cannot touch him due to liability . I can't move from my table because, well, liability / casino cash property, all I can do is try to talk to him. As I'm doing so, these other two woman who are sitting at my table just look at me and one says "OK, dealer, cmon lets go " as she taps the table telling me to start dealing and forget about the guy having a stroke on the floor. As security takes him to the ambulance out front, I had to stay behind for a couple minutes and give a statement. I go on break. I come back, and 45 minutes later, he comes right back in with a oxygen tank and keeps gambling for the remainder of the morning.
3) You get a dildo, and YOU get a dildo!
On a late summer Saturday night, we had a large event for these massive muscle guys/strongman competition type thing. After their show, I'm at the roulette table , and five of these boys come over to play. They were absolutely hilarious. They were feeling pretty good, cashed in somewhat large amounts and I could tell this was going to be a fun time. After about a hour of dealing to these guys, it's almost midnight, everybody is pretty hammered , I spin the ball, and all five of these guys take out these god damn (what I can only tell was) two feet purple dildos from inside their pants, and wiping them around in the air. The ladies were just loving it, one of the dildos landed in the roulette wheel and we had to shut the table down to re-calibrate the wheel to make sure nothing had been changed. I just remember that night was so much damn fun, I couldn't believe what I was seeing and I would never forget it.
4) Full Moon
On this day, I was actually training dealers / supervising them on small games like Three Card poker. We opened the table at 10AM, and this older man came and sat down . He played all day. The jackpot was $21,000 and that was pretty high for this table. He played, and played and played. He's one of the players where you know he's wearing a diaper because he's been drinking coffee/pop all day and hasn't moved in eight hours. As the day went on, this man never moved from his chair. Getting closer to midnight, he was aggravated and said "I need to go have a smoke, I'm getting killed in here". He left, and the very next hand, the lady beside him was dealt the jackpot . He didn't say much, but you could just tell he just hated life at that very moment because had he not gotten up, it would of been his hand. The man calmly took his cane , his hat, jacket, coffee, and left. The next morning I found out when he did leave he drove his car straight through his bank and was arrested.
5) Slick Robber
I actually give props to people who can actually pull this off. This story may confuse you so I'll try and explain things as best as possible. A lot of casinos have machines as soon as you walk through the front doors. A man walks up to one of these machines and sticks in HIS $100 bill. He doesn't gamble it, instead he hits the cash out button and gets a $100 TITO ticket where he then takes the ticket to the ATM machine to get his $100. Now remember, his Original $100 is in the slot machine. He then takes the $100 from the ATM and goes back to the same machine, and repeats this process over a hundred times. Essentially he's taking money from the ATM, and loading up the Slot Machine . Now he knows he can't do it too much because if the slot machine gets full of money, the machine will shut down and the slow attendant will have to take all the cash out. So he deposits over $10,000 , then has a small crowbar, he cracks the machine open and makes a run out the front door. To my knowledge he was never caught . But damn, that was pretty smart .
EDIT:
6) Mental Health is a thing.
10PM man walks in to play some high limit BlackJack. This guy knows the game and played well. Dressed nice, drank juice/tea , a little bit of a attitude, cashed in over $10,000. When this man was half way down his buy in, he said something a long the lines of "If I don't win here tonight, I'm going to go set myself on fire." I wasn't sure if he was serious because when people are down, they tend to say a lot of nonsense. I actually left early that night, and from a third party was told he did exactly that in the parking lot. The next day it was clear something terrible had gone wrong in the parking lot .
EDIT:
7) Nothing good happens after midnight
After a busy Saturday night, I was dealing a mix of games, and during this story I was in the middle of Blackjack. I had one young kid (probably 19) sitting in the middle, one older male probably in his later 40's sitting beside him on his right, and I had a really nice couple in their 20's sitting together at the other side. This young kid wasn't playing just sort of watching, and ever time the old man won he would give this young guy some of his winnings. The older man, was a wine drinker, and he had black between all of his teeth, I'll never forget. He's a little drunk but nothing terrible. As the night goes on, the older man goes and uses the washroom, at which point the couple asked the young guy "Oh was that your dad?" and the young guy says "Hah, no I wish!". The couple and I just looked at each other. This old guy, was in complete control over this kid. Absolutely disgusting. The night ends, and I find out the couple called a few of their friends, and they all waited outside by this old mans truck and beat the living hell out of him. 40 years old, sleeping with a 19 year old, completely brain washed . Very weird.
8) That one co-worker where you just wish they would quit.
One of our co-workers, nice guy but had a very big ego and we as employees just sorta left him alone. One day he had enough of the atmosphere and quit. Now usually when you quit, you cannot come back until you paperwork is finalized. How ever, HR was in that day, and he was given the paperwork the very next day. He came in, cashed in $1000, and made $50,000 in about a hour at the Baccarat table. My manager, was extremely annoyed, because now this guy is just mocking the casino and having the time of his life (Thanks for the big tip by the way :) ) and so he decides to call it quits. He wants to ban himself and he wants $50,000 in cash. The casino says Nope, we are going to give you a cheque. Now here's the thing, most business people will take the cheque, how ever you CANT CASH the cheque until the following monday because it's on that day where the funds are available. The casino on the other hand will cash their own check in anytime , because they want you to play. So this guy pretty much said go to hell I want my cash, and he called the police. Police show up, and management promptly gave him the cash.I though it was absolutely hilarious .
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9) No good deed goes un punished
I was dealing Three Card Poker, and the jackpot was around $17,000. This old man (a regular) was sitting there all day grinding it out. Super nice guy, always a pleasure to deal to. Well, after hours of playing, he stands up and says "Hey john!, can you come here for a minute?" so his buddy John comes over. He says to John "I need to go take a piss real quick, can you play my card until I get back?" John agrees . John takes the chips and I stop him and explain he can't play his friends chips, he needs to cash in and play his own. And he does. Welp, second hand out and bam, doesn't he win it. The old man comes back and is so happy, he can't believe it. John, took his $17,000, didn't say a word to his "buddy" and walked away. I never felt so much hatred in all my life. Didn't give him a dollar, not a thank you, nothing. The old man sits back down again, the progressive resets to $2500, and he sat there grinding away again.
10) The Top Knot
I had this player , young guy, who was born into a fortune. One of his relatives passed away and left him a pretty big sizable amount of money, so he played poker every single day for the rest of his days. I will add, he IS a good player. I did not enjoy his company just because of the "Know-it-All" attitude, but he was good. We'll call him John. John is 5'10, and well build, with muscle. John also decided today was the day to show off his Top Knot. (google top knot if you're not sure what I mean) So he sits down, and he's absolutely KILLING the table. Every hand, after hand, after hand. And because he's in such a good mood, he's playing any two cards, calling any $500 bet, and he's just dominating. This one guy at the table decided he had enough. He got up, without saying a word and left. A moment later, he comes back in, walks behind John, and takes a pair of scissors , and cuts off his Top Knot. I for one couldn't believe it, dying laughing inside, and it just turned into one big brawl. That was a good day.
11) That one bad seed
One of my best friends who I haven't seen in YEARS ended up being part of the crew. Was kind of nice to catch up. We never really got along as we grew up because he has a very high picture of himself . He wanted that 10/10 woman. A mansion, and a new Corvette. So every month or so we would all go up to the other casino to play. I myself would bring no more than $500, but I couldn't understand how this guy (we'll call him Kyle) was spending THOUSANDS of dollars at the tables. So this wen on for a few months. Well, one day, as we're closing the casino, he and I are in the High Limit room and we're getting ready to close the tables. We are told to take the chips out, count them, put them back, sign this piece of paper and that's it. Well as the supervisor was locking the tray, the piece of paper fell to the floor, so she asked Kyle to grab the piece of paper. As he bends over, a great big $500 chip falls right out of his sock. Kyle was fired immediately , but it all made sense. They offered Kyle a deal where if he replaced all the stolen chips they would not make it public. Not sure how that turned out.
12) If I ever decide to write a book, this will be the last chapter: <3
After working at my first Casino for five years, I met a Indian woman who was visiting from another part of the country. During this time I was explaining a game to her, which honestly I don't think she even cared. She explained she was visiting and sight seeing , and that was that.Well, two years later I ended up moving to the other side of the country and transferred casinos, and low and behold she worked there as a Dealer. We got married , and it's been 5 years.
13) The Tip
One of our tables that we've had for a couple years had a progressive jackpot that had reached $100,000. The dealer at the table was sitting pretty lonely. Nobody really played the game because people knew it was extremely difficult to win the jackpot. My memory is a tad foggy, but you somehow needed to flop the royal flush. This young guy sits down and says to the dealer, we'll call him John. "John, if you pay me that jackpot, I will tip you $10,000" Well John started dealing, and about a half hour into his shift, he F*cking did it. He dealt him the royal. And you know something?This young lad, kept his word, and he made sure there was a audience, and he tipped exactly $10,000. That was a moment right there. That pay cheque was real nice. I think we all got about $500 more than usual. The moment that jackpot was awarded they got rid of the table because the money it was making was not near what the casino wanted. I'm sure there have been bigger tips at other casinos, but that was something special .
14) The Lawsuit
Now this story I'm going to have to beat around the bush a bit due to the nature of what happened. I can't won't answer any questions that you may have on this topic other than what I have to say because it had a lot of publicity . The waitresses at this casino had to wear very thin sexy clothes. Not borderline legal, but it was noticed. One day they called all the waitresses to come in and explained they were changing their outfit to something even more sexier. Now these new dresses were very very borderline legal . The staff said No way. We're not wearing that.So , friday night comes, and the staff work their whole shift, then at the end of their shift were called into a meeting and were all fired. Welp, one of those ladies father was a pretty big time lawyer. Brough the casino to court and won. They won big. Good for them. We had no waitresses for a couple days haha.
Thanks for reading along, I have many more I can add as the day goes on, those were just some off the top of my head. Feel free to ask any questions of the Casino industry. I don't really have many stories about the surveillance department because that's the one area where I can't really say a whole lot due to its privacy and contracts I was and still am under.

I grew up in a small mountain town named Eureka. It was founded in the late 1800s during the gold rush, but after the mines dried up the town began its slow descent into decay. Half the houses are empty or abandoned now.
You can see a picture of the kind of houses here in Eureka:
First house
Second house
When a massive construction project began nearby, it was the talk of the town for weeks. Why would they build something in a sleepy dying town like Eureka? It wasn’t until my sister Selene talked to a few construction workers that we discovered they were building a casino.
A casino up in the mountains, over two hours away from Denver. None of us could understand why they’d chosen here of all places. After a few months of work, the casino was done.
I took a picture of the town with the completed casino in the background to the right. The ten-story-structure sticks out like a sore thumb off in the distance.
Town+Casino
After the casino opened, they hired a few dozen members of the town, offering high paying jobs to work as dealers or cleaning staff. I was already employed as a firefighter, but my sister Selene got a job as a blackjack dealer. She’s a widow with two young kids, so the paycheck was a real lifesaver.
Still, something about the situation seemed too good to be true. The jobs over there paid far too well, and the management was far too accommodating. The fire station where I work is located high on a hill overlooking the town, so I began watching the casino from a distance each day.
I had initially thought that the casino was located in a terrible location, but I was apparently wrong. True, Eureka was hours from any major city, but despite that, a bus full of people arrived every morning and left every evening.
One night I was over at my parent’s house and had dinner with Selene and her kids. I asked her about her experience as a dealer.
“It’s Ok,” she said. “Just a little boring I guess.”
“Boring?” I asked. “I’m surprised you don’t have your hands full.”
“Why’s that?” she asked. “It’s like you said, Eureka’s too small. I never have people playing cards. The casino is almost always completely empty.”
I wasn’t sure what to make of that. If the place was always empty, what happened to the people who I’d seen arriving on buses? “I’ve been keeping an eye on the building,” I said. “A bus full of people typically arrives around 9 AM every day.”
“Really?” she asked, looking confused. “If that’s true, I’ve never seen them.
“I can see it from the fire station,” I said. “If you head out for a smoke break at 9 AM, you’ll probably see them arriving.”
“Interesting,” she said. “I’ll do that. If they’re being processed for their organs or something, I’ll let you know.” She laughed.
“Har har,” I said sarcastically.
The next night she sent me a text calling me over. When I arrived, she was nearly breathless with excitement.
“Orin, You were right,” she said. “A big group of people did arrive, but they didn’t walk into my part of the casino. Instead, they all walked into an elevator at the back of the building. I’m not sure where that goes.” She looked thoughtful. “It was weird. They looked… How can I say it? Desperate? Something about the whole situation was very off. I’m gonna check out the elevator tomorrow.”
I told her to be careful, though, to be honest, I was excited to hear about what she discovered. When I visited my parent’s house the next night, I found her two kids there alone. They told me that Selene had never returned from work.
I called all her friends, then all our neighbors, but no one had seen her since she left for work that morning. Our conversations regarding the casino flooded my mind, then a plan began to form.
Early the next morning I walked across town in my nicest pair of jeans and a button-up shirt. I pushed through the door to the casino and saw that Selene wasn’t lying. The place was all but deserted. Three dozen slot machines crowded the walls surrounding a few tables interspersed throughout the floor of the casino. The only players in the whole building were Bob and Donald, two locals.
I walked up to a nearby table where Bridget, a girl I’d gone to high school with, was shuffling cards. She broke into a grin when she saw me. “Hey Orin, you here for a few rounds of blackjack?”
“I wish,” I said. “No, I’m here to ask about Selene. She never made it home last night.”
Bridget’s expression darkened. “Really? Have you asked around?”
“I already called around. Have you seen her?”
She shook her head. “No, our schedules rarely line up. I’ll be sure to let you know if I--” Her eyes focused on something behind me, and she cut herself off.
I turned around to see the casino’s pit boss watching us both. He was a tall thin man in an impeccably clean black suit. When I turned back towards Bridget, she was looking down at the table and shuffling cards absent-mindedly.
“Well, if you hear anything, let me know,” I said.
She nodded, so I turned around and headed for the pit boss. I stuck out my hand. The temperature of his hand was so hot that I had to pull my hand away after a few seconds.
“Have… have you seen my sister Selene?” I asked. “She hasn’t been seen since her shift here yesterday.”
He smiled. “Sir, this floor is for players. You’re more than welcome to head to the tellers for chips, but barring that I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
I stared at him for a long second before stalking towards the door. When I looked back, he was talking with Bridget.
I checked my watch. 8:55 AM, just as I’d planned. I walked around the back of the building and waited as the morning bus pulled around the building. I waited for the telltale hiss of the opening doors and the sound of people descending before I rounded the corner and joined the crowd. None of them paid any particular attention to me as I walked with them into the casino.
The crowd walked through a side door down a hallway to an elevator. Small groups of people entered the elevator as the rest of us waited for our turn. I shot a glance at the casino patrons, surprised at their diversity. There seemed to be people from all different countries and ethnicities. I heard one speaking Japanese and another speaking what sounded like an African language.
My turn came along with a few other patrons in the elevator. A sickly woman hobbled into the elevator beside me carrying an IV that was still connected to one of her veins. We piled in and rode up to the top.
The elevator rose for a few long seconds. I wasn’t sure what I would find, but I steeled myself for something horrible. The elevator’s speaker let out a TING, then the doors opened.
We all walked out onto what looked like a standard casino. Another few dozen slot machines ringed the walls, but on this floor, they were almost all occupied by customers. I took in the scene, confused at why they’d have a ground floor that was almost completely empty when this place was almost--
Selene was dealing cards at a nearby table.
I jogged over and sat down at an open seat. None of the players around me paid me much attention.
“Selene!” I said. “Are you OK? Did you spend the night here last night?”
Her eyes were glassy and confused. She looked up at me with a dumb expression and didn’t respond to my question.
“Selene?” I asked.
“What’s your bet?” she asked me. “This table is for blackjack players only.”
“I…” I trailed off, looking at the players around me. None of them were betting with chips of any kind. “What’s the minimum bet?” I asked.
“Three years,” she responded.
“Three years then,” I said, not knowing what that referred to.
Selene nodded, then began dealing cards. I shot a look down at my hand. King and a 9. Selene dealt out cards for herself, showing a 9. I stood, then leaned forward again. “Should I call the police? Are you--”
“Congratulations,” she said tonelessly.
An almost impossibly warm hand grabbed my shoulder. I spun to see the pit boss I’d spoken to earlier. He gave an impressed smile. “Orin, was it? I’m impressed, truly. Would you mind if I had a word with you?”
I shot a look back at Selene who was dealing the next round of cards. Then I got to my feet, balling my hands into fists. “What did you do to her?”
The pit boss clasped his hands behind his back. “Nothing more, and nothing less than what I’m going to do to you. That is, offer you the chance to play.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
The pit boss nodded his head towards a nearby slot machine. A woman in a wheelchair pulled a lever and watched the flashing numbers spin. They exploded in a cacophony of sirens and flashing lights. “WINNER WINNER WINNER!” The machine screeched.
The woman in the wheelchair put her feet on the ground and stood up on a pair of wobbly legs that had clearly never been used before.
“As in any other casino,” the pit boss said, “you must wager for the chance to win.”
“She... won the use of her legs?” I asked, feeling light-headed. “Wait,” I said. “I played blackjack just now. ‘Three years,’ Selene told me. What does ‘three years’ mean?” I asked.
“Three years of life, of course. Did you win?”
My mouth felt dry. “I-- Yes, I won.”
He smiled warmly. “Congratulations. I hope you enjoy them. I can tell you from personal experience that watching the decades pass is a bore. Give it some time and you’ll be back to spend them.”
I watched the pit boss’s face. He couldn’t have been more than a few years older than me, and I was in my early thirties. I looked around at the casino. No one was playing with chips of any kind. “So what?” I asked. “I won years of life. That woman won the use of her legs. What else can a person win here?”
“Oh, almost anything. They can win almost anything you can imagine.”
A cold feeling settled in my stomach. “And what do they wager?”
His eyes flashed with greed. “Almost anything. They can wager almost anything you can possibly imagine. Anything equal in value to the item they want in return.” He nodded towards a nearby roulette table.
A man stood by the table, cradling his hands. “Another finger,” he called out. He only had three fingers remaining on his left hand. As I watched, the ball came to a stop, and another finger disappeared from his left hand.
The pit boss extended his hands. “Feel free to try any of our games. Bet and win whatever you’d like.” He reached out and snatched my hand. A feeling of intense warmth passed up my arm to my chest. “There,” he said. “I’ve even given you some house money to get you started. An extra decade of life, on me.”
I ripped my hand away, staring at him in horror. Then I looked back at Selene. Something clicked in my mind. “You offered her the chance to play. What did she want?” I asked.
“Her husband,” the pit boss said. “Quite the sad story. He died two years ago. She wanted him brought back to her.”
“What did she wager?” I asked.
“She wanted the chance to win a soul, the most valuable object in existence. I’m sure you can imagine what she needed to wager for the chance to win it. What she wagered is unimportant. The important question is: What do you want, Orin?”
I stared at Selene with a flat expression. “I’m sure you can imagine.”
His eyes flashed with greed again. “How wonderful. The casino could always make use of another dealer. Feel free to make your wager at any one of our games; I’ll be eagerly awaiting the results of your night. Oh, and do take advantage of our waitresses. We always supply food and drink for ‘high rollers’.” He walked away.
I spent the next few hours trying to decide which game to play. I was going to be wagering my soul, so I wanted the highest chance possible. Slots and roulette were out. I’d done some reading online about counting cards, so I figured that blackjack gave me the best odds.
I walked up to Selene’s table and sat down. “Bet?” she asked with that same toneless voice. “Three years,” I said.
I spent the next hour or so doing my best to remember how to count cards. I knew that low cards added one to my count and high cards decreased it by one, but the casino used three decks. I had read something about how that was supposed to change my calculation, but I couldn’t quite remember how.
Every time I won a hand, I cursed myself for not putting everything on the line. Every time I lost, I breathed a prayer of thanks that I’d waited. And all the while, I kept track of the count.
I had lost fifteen years of life when the count finally reached +5.
“Bet?” Selene asked.
“I wager my soul so you can be free,” I said.
The table around me fell silent. Selene’s eyes flickered, but she showed no other emotion as she dealt the cards. I watched my first card, punching the air in excitement when I saw a Jack. My excitement turned to ash when my second card was a four. Fourteen.
I looked at her hand. One card was facedown, but the faceup card was a King. I swore loudly, staring down at my hands.
“Hit?” she asked. The entire table was silently watching me.
“Hit,” I said, not looking down. The table erupted in cheers. I looked down to see a 7 atop my two other cards. 21. Blackjack.
I looked at Selene who flipped over her facedown card to reveal a 9. 19. I won.
The glassy look left her eyes immediately. She looked around in surprise, then her eyes locked on mine. “Orin?” she asked, then almost immediately began to cry. The entire casino broke out in cheers.
I grabbed her hand and headed for the elevator. The doors had begun to close when the pit boss reached out with a hand to stop them.
“Congratulations,” he said, beaming. He seemed to be honestly excited.
“Shouldn’t you be upset?” I asked.
“Not at all. Casinos love it when we have big winners. It inspires the other players to make larger bets. I imagine I’ll gain two or three dealers before the night is through from your performance.”
“Great,” I said flatly. “Now let us go.”
“Not yet,” he said. “You didn’t just win, Orin. You got a blackjack. And blackjack pays out 1.5 times your bet. You won your sister’s soul and more.”
I stared, not sure what to say. “What are you saying? I won half a soul extra?”
The pit boss grinned wildly. “Just remember what I said. You’ll find living for decades and decades to be a boring experience. After a few centuries, you’ll be back to gamble that half a soul away. Congratulations!”
He removed his hand, and the elevator doors slammed shut.
I helped Selene back to her house. Her children were relieved. I watched them cry, then moved into the kitchen to start making dinner.
It’s been a few days since that experience. The casino is still out there, and buses full of people still arrive. I… I cut my hand pretty bad a few days later. When I checked it an hour later, it had already healed, no scar or anything. I’m not sure exactly what I won at that casino, but there’s no way I’m ever going back.
X

I used to be a Financial Advisor for a very brief period almost 10 years ago for Peter Schiff. At the time I was in my early 20s and liked a lot of what he said. He frustrates me a lot more now and fails to adapt accordingly. Anyhow, I now run junkiebonds.com. Mostly a website researching US macro and discussing the worst institution ever created: The Federal Reserve.
Here’s some quick advice for beginners and even further on up I’m sure.
I've seen an unbelievable amount of these advertisements in the last few weeks. I just came across a comment in this room about just beginning and who to trust for paid services.
This may seem counterintuitive but if you're just beginning in the stock market DO NOT buy anything for education or trading. All the material you need is available for free online. Investopedia and YouTube have everything.
If you're just beginning you need to educate yourself and make small purchases. Education is the easiest part of trading in the stock market. The hard part is educating yourself about yourself. I've seen a few beginners that trade frequently and have done very well - in all likelihood they'll eventually lose all of their gains(+95% chance at bare minimum).
Stay away from paid services that claim they can help you trade. 99% are bullshit. Only experienced individuals should use these services because those individuals most likely know the few real people or firms that actually provide value. Experienced traders use these services for insight, education, and to help their process. Beginners have other obstacles to deal with first before these would properly benefit them.
Fuck Tim Sykes, those raging bull fucks, and others. They're full of shit. They are just a salesman using flashy marketing. It doesn't mean they haven't ever done well themselves - I think Tim Sykes actually did - but they realize selling hope, making millions, along with a little education is not just more profitable but it also eliminates risk.
In my opinion, I believe I could start a very “successful” subscription service. It’s aggravating seeing these guys because fooling beginners is almost like shooting fish in a barrel. But I’m not going to start a business where 95% of profits are based off of fooling others with slick marketing.
If anybody comes across a service you may be interested in but aren’t sure of its validity, feel free to send it to me and I’ll provide my two cents.
I’m going to explain trading by summarizing how I go about it. I’m not a day trader - I’m not making multiple trades a day and I recommend you do not do that either unless you want to lose money.
Before joining Euro Pacific Capital I would make a few trades a day. 50% of my portfolio was for long term investments 1+ years and the other for my speculation. I was fortunate enough to begin these investments at end of 2008 and early 2009. The long term side would do well and my speculations did alright too. The problem was I had big goals and desires for more wealth even though I had almost doubled the 12500 in less than a year. This led me to abandon stock speculating/trading because gains were too small and slow. However, stock options provided the leverage needed and I thought I had a trading process that would work.
Btw... “back in those days” I was paying 5.99 to buy and then 5.99 again to sell every trade! In 2010 my commissions were well above 2gs.
Reflecting on it now my process was abysmal and I’m surprised I was able to hold up for time I did. I was making reckless trades but one in particular really boosted my confidence. I bought far OTM calls on VXX(volatility) that expired in a few days. It was only a 100 dollars or so.
The market got slaughtered the next day. My calls were up over 4000%. I was up 4,950 dollars at 1205pm and then 4,150 a few minutes later. I believe I exited with a return of just over 4,300% which was a close figure to the actual dollars I made.
Here’s one of the most important points I’ll make: a PROFITABLE trade does not make it a GOOD trade by any means. That’s still one of the largest returns I’ve ever had and certainly the quickest but it was foolish.
It’s like going up to the roulette table and placing money on any number. The outcome of the spin does not change the fact this is a bad decision. Do not fool yourself by thinking your gains are all good decisions or investments. The only way you can have a good bet playing roulette is if you have knowledge or insight which puts the odds in your favor. And the only way you can do that is through some illegal con I believe. However, the market is not roulette. It can be. It can be worse if you make it that way.
Moving on... A few months after the big gain I had steadily lost money and I was getting a bit frustrated ——-
understanding how your emotions impact your thought processes and decision making is fundamental. There’s no manual for this part because every tradeperson is different. Happiness can and will influence your decisions. For some people it may cause them to be less disciplined or open to taking a risk and for others it will do the opposite. Traders create a process to eliminate the effects emotions can have - a simple example is to set a stop loss on a trade so you aren’t trying to guess when or if should prevent further losses or risk it. It’s important for beginners to do this. Do not enter trades where the losses cause worry and stress and you have no idea whether or not to sell. I don’t always have pre determined actions when I trade these days but I’ve also been doing this for over a decade and there are trades where it’s not as important or just not a good strategy. Again, if you’re a beginner please do not do this.
Back to my frustration... I entered an abnormally large call option order attempting to make up some losses - another stupid and beginner mistake. Unfortunately, the next day my parents needed help moving to Florida from Iowa. I had a 5g option that expired in 4 days and I wasn’t at my computer so I put in an order to (stop)sell if it so happens to fall quite a bit. This stock was amazon and it just so happens a negative headline came out right before opening bell. I had no idea bc I was still sleeping and dealing with moving.
The option price was around 5.20 and I had 10. My stop was at 4.
At 1030am we were going out for lunch and I went to check my position.
I was down 4,700 dollars.... because I put a LIMIT at 3.85.
You see, On this trade I went through ETRADE for whatever reason and I knew these sleezy guys sell their order flow - oh, btw Robinhood also sells their stock option orders but it’s really only important for a very small% of ppl - basically ETRADE profits from selling orders to other brokers who then complete your trade. So if these guys can see a price quickly drop and pop back up they’ll execute your order at worst price and then sell it for a profit a second later. Free money.
I was trying to limit any excessive scalping by putting a limit but amazon dropped quickly so E*TRADE of course did not get my order executed. If they were an honest and customer first company the order would’ve been executed and I wouldn’t have lost thousands of dollars. However, ultimately it is my fault and once again a stupid trade.
Trading is different from investing. Being an advisor certainly doesn’t make you a good trader. Advisors are typically there to plan long term investments and get to know their client so they’re able to adjust the risk in their portfolio accordingly.
A year or so after amazon I was working for Peter Schiff. He had really exploded in popularity because his predictions about the housing bubble all came to fruition. As an advisor you can’t trade. I was only there for a year because my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and I left to be with her. I had to save funds and for a few years after didn't trade either.
These days I'm back trading but its much different. I enjoy macro research and writing so i use this to my advantage. In 2020, I made around 40 trades total. Some of these are still open. Most of my trades are options and last a few weeks to months but two open positions don't expire until Jan 2022. Last year I made a return of 135%. I made a few huge mistakes and one out of laziness. Earlier in the year I was up 200%. I believe my process is solid but also needs improvement.
I try to limit my trades and find areas I'm most confident in. I also recommend you do not make hasty decisions. MISSING TRADES can be hard but it's a much better result. 135% really isn't that great of a gain considering how well the market did and the style of my trading. I missed many trades I was really confident in and thought were easy bc I have a strategy that may require 100% of my proceeds into Few positions. It sucks knowing I should've and could've easily had a 400/500% year if I chose to be aggressive. But I stick to my game plan because I'm confident later this year or next my returns will be multiple 1000s of percent. Maybe I'm wrong. We will see. I do best when Im unbelievably confident in an outcome and yet able to remain patient. I find I can do better or much worse if I change these.
My friend that's a girl did better than me because she bought her first and only stock this year which was Tesla. Does it suck underperforming your beginner girl friend having been in this trade for 10 years?
Absolutely.
But all of that noise must be drowned out lol. Everybody has to find their own way and what works best for them. I don't use reddit too often but for some reason I received an invitation to this board and joined tonight. I figured I'd share my thoughts and story and I hope this helped. I didn't proofread this.
My website is junkiebonds.com and you can find me on @Twitter at @junkiebonds - I started both in 2020 but am just really beginning to take off.
I'm always willing to help anybody with questions. Thanks for reading

Barely getting this one in under the wire before the new year! The holidays can be a tough time and I hope all you readers are making a good time of it and staying safe this year! Also all my judgements for being on time are based on my timezone, so far all of you who have been waiting this entire new year for another post? Well here you go! Just in time! As always enjoy!
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First Chapter
Previous Chapter
Neu Vieumau Joint Occupation Zone
Raiden was pretty happy with how the day was going so far. Get some credits, maybe actually get some new shoes… He wasn’t sure exactly if he should get his hopes up though. Why would the barter shop guy give him something so good for free? Would the human military police not live up to the coupon? His various experiences with the local militia had not exactly warmed him up to the idea that they had his best interests at heart. Yet… when he had called for help in the alleyway that squad of them had come running without hesitation.
Shifting the straps of the small pack a little he felt a growing unease gnawing at his insides as he walked along the streets towards the old police station. There were so many unknowns that could flare up that gave rise to a vast imagination of everything going wrong. He was just one corner away from the street it was on. Since the humans had moved in they’d set up barricades and more security than the old militia had, and just the thought of turning onto the street was making him hesitate. He wanted to consider his options here…
“Raiden!” He turned and saw Lenk and Neff exiting an alley across the street. Lenk was holding a bent pipe in one hand menacingly. Raiden immediately considered his options and turned the corner onto the street with the police station. Whatever else might happen they weren’t Neff and Lenk who were obviously still pissed he’d ruined their chance to scavenge that fancy bot. “Raiden!” He heard him call from around the corner and picked up his speed a little, gripping the straps of his pack as he tried to walk fast enough to make sure he’d get to the barricades, without making it look like he was running away from people exactly.
A little up the street were the sandbags and razorwire being manned by the blue armor human soldiers. Most of them seemed to just be sitting around, two had their helmets off and were smoking. But in the middle of the post and towering above everything else was a three meter tall mech suit. Someone had gone through the trouble of painting a black band on its arm with MP in white letters on the outside. As if that really meant anything. The effect was also somewhat spoiled by the mech having “To Pillage and Stomp” written on the side of its head.
Once Raiden had gotten closer to the barricades he looked back and saw Lenk and Neff round the corner, but stopped short when they realized where they were. “[Can’t hide forever!]” Lenk angrily yelled at him and then they both quickly retreated.
This had gotten the attention of some of the soldiers at the post who looked Raiden’s way when he approached. “What did you do to piss those guys off, kid?” One asked as he neared the opening in the barricades off to the side of the street.
“Yeah I uh… guess they’re mad I fucked their sister.” He responded with the first thing that came to mind. The soldiers around him all laughed at that.
“Hey sorry kid we can’t offer police protection to sister fuckers if that’s why you’re here.” One mentioned with a chuckle.
“No, but we can offer you a smoke.” One of the soldiers who had been smoking pulled a crumpled pack from his armored vest to hold it out.
“Dude, don’t go giving a kid a smoke. Fuck is wrong with you?” Mentioned the other smoking soldier right next to him.
“I’m not saying he has to! Just offering. The kid made me laugh.” Replied the first smoker.
“Uhm…” Raiden eyed the pack being held out. “If I took one it would be just to barter with. Is that okay?”
“I’m offering you a smoke. Don’t have to smoke it here.” The smoker replied with a grin. Raiden nodded and took a cigarette to carefully tuck behind his ear.
“Thanks.” He nodded to the smoker and headed up the stairs into the police station itself. First he noticed the doors had been substantially reinforced, then the moment he stepped inside he was met with a security scanner. A pair of soldiers were manning it, chatting in the middle, but seeing him they split up, one heading to the cargo scanner while the other stood by the frame in the middle.
“Pack on the conveyor. Any sharp objects or hazardous stuff we need to know about?” The first soldier sounding bored out of his mind asked as Raiden approached and unslung his pack to set on the conveyor.
“I don’t think so? I’m making deliveries. It’s… food and stuff. Please don’t open the packages. I would like to get paid. Also be careful cause one of them has a laxative in it.” When he said that the soldier arched a brow but nodded and began to push the bag into the scanner. Raiden headed into the central frame then, already lifting his arms above his head before needing to be told. He was familiar with the operation.
There was a light hum as the scanner… scanned he supposed. Then he heard a light beep. “Hey kid…” This would be it. Something was wrong, or there was a tax they hadn’t mentioned. “You’re too young to smoke.” The soldier manning the scanner frame reached out to take the cigarette from behind his ear.
“Oh, uhm the guy outside gave it to me for making him laugh.” Raiden explained. “I’m not going to smoke it. Just use it to barter for like a candy bar.”
“Huh… alright. Well just remember kid, smoking is bad.” The soldier handed Raiden the cigarette back and waved him through. Grabbing his pack he headed further inside and yet still felt a bit apprehensive. Was this really going to be this easy? Ahead was a desk with the first soldiers he’d seen not in armor. There were two, and they were wearing what looked like basic olive drab uniforms. One up front was wearing a hat he’d never seen before either. Then again he only ever saw them in helmets or without. It struck him as a little odd the man would wear a hat indoors but who was he to judge? He did notice stripes on his arm, that meant he was in charge right?
Just as Raiden was trying to figure out how to address the soldier he looked up and saw Raiden looking at him. “What can I do for you kid?”
Did everyone have to call him Kid? “I uh… I am here with a coupon. For boots.” He opened his pack to fish around for the paper the barter store owner had given him.
“A coupon for boots? Kid this isn’t a shoe store.” Raiden focused on moving the boxes around trying desperately to find the paper. How was it in a small pack with so few things in it he suddenly couldn’t find the only piece of paper? “Is that a cigarette behind your ear? Kid you shouldn’t smoke, it’s bad for you.”
“Why does everyone keep telling me that?” Raiden blurted out, feeling flustered. “I’m not going to smoke it! I’m just going to barter it! And I don’t have anywhere else to keep it safe. Besides don’t you guys get cigarettes in your rations?” Raiden countered.
“Yeah but if we die before retirement age they don’t have to pay us any pensions.” The soldier replied with a shrug.
“What?” Raiden asked, feeling more confused now.
“Never mind kid it’ll make more sense when you’re older. If you don’t smoke that is. Otherwise you’ll die young and runty. It’s bad for you.” Raiden rolled his eyes a moment but finally fished out the piece of paper to hand over. “Kid I’m telling you this isn’t a shoe store it’s a police station.”
“Guidelines state we’re not supposed to call it a police station. It’s an MP CP.” The other soldier without a hat working behind the desk mentioned.
“Excuse me?” The striped soldier glanced over.
“Official guidelines state we’re supposed to refer to it as a police station since we’re still a military unit. Therefore we’re supposed to refer to it as a military police command post. Command point? Control post? Control point?” The soldier sounded less sure with every iteration. “MP CP.” He returned to the first set of letters.
“Since when the fuck do you read guidelines?” The front soldier asked.
“Since you told me to sarge.” The other replied sounding a bit defensive.
“Yes, because you kept fucking up your paperwork and now you’re lecturing me on calling this place an MP CP?” He shook his head and sighed before finally returning his focus on Raiden. He did take the paper though and as he looked it over a moment he frowned, then he turned to type on his computer. Raiden stood there, unsure of what to do until the sarge finally spoke up. “Huh… Well… it’s actually real. Whadya know. Alright kid I guess you’re off to requisition. Down that hall, down the stairs on your right, and then take a right at the bottom and go straight. It’ll be posted. The other way is the morgue. Don’t go that way.” The sarge handed him back the coupon.
“Thanks.” Raiden nodded, and headed off to follow the directions. The hallway he headed down smelled vaguely of paint, and when he looked it seemed like they must have painted it recently. They’d gone with a sort of… deep purple. Like on their void flag. Probably to distance themselves from the militia they’d replaced. The militia always used gold, or what they claimed was gold color. He always thought it looked more like dry mustard.
Finding the stairs was easy, and once he reached the bottom he saw the sign on the far wall easily. Requisition to his right, morgue to his left. The fresh paint smell was even more heavy down here. Heading towards requisition he carefully opened a door and saw another desk ahead much like the one upstairs. Except behind it was glass overlooking some kind of big… warehouse filled with shelves. The arrangement of the stuff inside reminded him of Clay and his barter shop.
Down here there were two soldiers, a man and woman in the same olive drab uniforms as upstairs, though neither wore a hat and neither was working. Instead they were facing the window and talking. Just as he got closer he could start to overhear the woman first. “So then what did you do?”
“The fuck do you think I did? I pulled up my pants and got the fuck out of there before she noticed what happened.” The man replied which caused the woman to laugh.
“You dirty fuck.” She shook her head slowly.
“What the fuck else could I do?” The man shrugged.
“You say excuse me ma’am in the interest of human Davari relations I feel I should inform you that I’ve made a bit of a mess of your sheets and need some help.” The woman was laughing even as she suggested this.
“Fuck you.” Came his reply.
“So what happened when you went back to the bar?” The woman asked next.
“You think I went back? Fuck no. I’ve been avoiding it ever since! And it sucks cause those drinks were good too. Strong. And cheap. And strong…” The man shook his head slowly and let out a heavy sigh.
“Yeah strong enough to make you-” The woman just began to turn in her chair and saw Raiden standing at the counter. “HOLY SHIT!” She jumped a bit which made the other soldier jump and Raiden flinched, worried he was about to get shot. But neither pulled out a gun or anything and the woman just set a hand over her chest. “Fuck kid! Where the hell did you come from?!”
“How much did you hear?!” Asked the man, seeming more worried about that.
“I uh… something about you pulling up your pants. I don’t know.” Raiden looked between them. “I have a coupon for boots.”
“What? This isn’t a shoe store.” The woman replied but when he handed over the paper she typed the details into her computer and just upstairs something positive happened. “Huh… okay. Well… but it says footwear. Not boots. We just have to give you footwear.” Raiden sighed a little, boots had been a bit much of an ask anyway.
“Do we have anything else for footwear?” The male soldier asked with a confused look.
“Well… no. But… he’s a civvie. Can we give him mil-spec?” The woman asked.
“They’re fucking boots.” The man countered.
“Yeah, mil-spec boots. You remember that fucking lecture on no mil-spec items distributing across the civvies.” The woman shrugged and scratched her head. “Check… check the regs.”
“Why me?” The man asked.
“Because I’m the corporal and I fucking told you to.” She sternly growled back. The man sighed and pulled a worn looking book out of a desk drawer as he started to flip through it.
“What’s going on here?” It was Raiden’s turn to jump as he was surprised to hear a voice behind him. Turning he saw a soldier entering the room wearing armor.
“Staff Sergeant.” The woman stood up. “This civilian brought in a… uh coupon for boots. But the form only specifies footwear. Yet, we only have boots.”
“And… this is a problem… why?” The armored soldier asked as he approached Raiden and looked him over.
“They’re mil-spec. And we just had the meeting about not distributing mil-spec good to-” She was about to continue but the staff sergeant just waved it off.
“This kid helped us out earlier. Told us who that van belongs to that we’ve been trying to figure out for a week.” Raiden realized this must be the sarge from the squad in front of the pawn shop. In the armor and helmets he didn’t recognize them.
“The one by the pawn shop?” The woman asked, confirming his realization.
“Yep. Turns out it belongs to the guy who lives at the home it's parked in front of.” The armored soldier shook his head slowly.
“How did it take us a week to figure that out?” The woman asked.
“Because no one there would talk to us. Kid, why would no one talk to us?” The armored soldier asked him directly then.
“Uhm… because they don’t really trust the occupiers. The militia before they pulled out said a lot of… stuff.” Raiden didn’t feel like getting specific.
“Save these miserable bastards only for them to hate our guts.” The woman muttered with a sigh.
“Still, he helped us out. So, get him some boots.” The armored soldier commanded then.
“Yes, sir.” The woman nodded before looking at Raiden. “What’s your shoe size kid?”
“Uh…” Raiden paused.
“Right… in which units. We’ve got five around here don’t we? Just… give me a shoe.” She held out a hand and Raiden looked down at his feet. He felt a flush of embarrassment rise to his cheeks but he carefully leaned against the desk and raised his ankle over his other knee in a squat so he could delicately pull the rubber and fabric he’d fashioned into footwear off his foot. When he set it on the desk then a look crossed her face. Pity. He looked away, feeling even more humiliated with the position he was in. “Boots… and. Staff Sergeant mind if I get him some socks too?”
“That’s a good idea.” Soon as he approved it the woman headed into the back. Raiden felt a heat grow within him as they talked about it. They all pitied him. They felt bad. He didn’t have proper shoes or socks. He was some… street rat. Some kid to them. Somehow this felt worse to him than if they’d been berating him and insulting him like the militia used to. His hands clenched at the straps of his backpack. “I bet your feet are tougher than mine kid. You’re a real badass, you know that?”
Raiden looked up at the armored soldier in confusion when he said that. “What? I’m not.”
“Yeah, you are.” The armored soldier nodded slowly. “Growing up around here can’t be easy. Between the war and everything else but you’re sticking it out. You didn’t have that pack when you entered the pawn shop. Do you work there?”
“It’s… I’m trying out for it.” Raiden nodded slowly. “Gave me some deliveries to make and the coupon for the boots.” He felt quiet as he spoke. His emotions somewhat jumbled up between the confusion and embarrassment.
“That’s nice of him. What’s your name anyway?” The soldier set a hand on his shoulder then applied just a little bit of pressure as if to help reassure him.
“Raiden.” He answered with a light gulp.
“Well Raiden, I’m sure you’re tougher than half my platoon. They bitch if they don’t get fruit punch in their rations and here you are hoofing it around town with shoes you made yourself. It’s admirable. Isn’t it specialist?” He looked over at the other soldier behind the desk.
“Uh yes. Yes, staff sergeant it is admirable. Very-very admirable.” He nodded. Raiden felt a slightly different flush of embarrassment now. He didn’t know how to process compliments.
“Thanks.” He nearly whispered as he looked at the floor. His one foot clad only in a thread bare dirty sock, his big toe sticking out of a hole in the front.
“Raiden, since you’re here and you helped me out earlier, mind if I ask you something else? You seem pretty streetsmart. Maybe you’ll know.” Raiden looked up at the sarge wondering what the question was. “Little over a week ago a building exploded. Or… the top did. Hear anything about it? Any… word on the street?”
“That tower over in the Ravex occupation zone?” He asked and the sarge nodded. “I mean… nothing really. I had heard it belonged to some… eccentric Kra’Kto’Sui. Lived in the pool up top. Uhm… just… rumours about crime… maybe drugs. People said he paid for info on stuff.” Raiden shrugged.
“Remember kid, uh Raiden, just say no to drugs.” The soldier behind the desk added. Raiden looked at him with a confused frown. “If you’re offered drugs… just say no. Isn’t that right sarge?”
“Yes… Yes specialist that is correct. Say no to drugs. Like all the amphetamines you do. Or the booze.” The specialist blinked at that.
“Wait. How did this become about me? I only do mil-spec amphetamines sarge! Honest! And I only drink off duty! I follow all the stup-uuhhhh official guidelines! I don’t rape people or drive drunk or get into fights or anything! And… I am… well noted for… my… uuhhhhh… consistent drive to improve our relations with local Davari. I was… just speaking to Corporal Colbert about my efforts in fact staff sergeant.” The armored soldier released Raiden’s shoulder just so he could grip the front of his helmet visor and shake his head. “What?”
“Here, see if these fit.” Raiden had been so focused on the sarge and the specialist that he didn’t notice the woman had returned until she was setting out some socks on the desk before him, and a pair of black boots that looked brand new. Raiden nervously reached out to take the socks and boots, almost expecting the soldiers to yank them away in a moment. Yet, they just watched him. Looking around he saw a chair in the corner and walked over to it, so he could sit down and try the boots and socks on.
“Staff sergeant, by the way I didn’t mean to hassle the kid about the boots. It’s just the CO had that memo about mil-spec items-” The woman began to explain but the sage just raised a hand.
“CYA. I understand corporal.” Raiden glanced up as he removed his other shoe and socks. Just pulling the full thick military socks over his feet made him shiver a little. They were so soft… Then he looked at the boots. They were… tall. Very tall. He also didn’t see any laces and was a bit confused.
“Are those jump boots? Why does he get jump boots? We don’t get jump boots.” The specialist complained while Raiden looked the boots over. When he looked up both the woman and the sarge were staring at him. “Uh… I mean… those are very nice boots ki-Raiden. Hope you enjoy them.”
“How do I put them on?” Raiden confessed then. “I don’t see laces.”
“Just pull them on first.” The sarge instructed, so Raiden pulled one onto his right foot first. It felt… cushoiny. Unlike why he expected. “Now feel along the top for a little nub on either side and pinch them at the same time.” Raiden’s fingers carefully squeezed along the top lining of the boot to find the nubs set inside the fabric. Then he pinched them and suddenly the boot seemed to shrink around his foot feeling perfectly snug.
“Whoa…” He muttered as the soldiers chuckled a bit.
“Nice isn’t it? Sometimes they don’t skimp on gear. Sometimes. How does it feel?” Raiden looked down at his foot and hesitantly put weight onto his heel. It was hard to describe exactly. His foot felt wrapped up in a soft cushion and yet… supported at the same time. It was unlike anything he’d experienced.
“Good? I think? I’ve never… had new shoes or… anything like this.” He confessed.
“Put the other on, stand up, and take a few steps. Wiggle your toes. You want enough space so your toes aren’t crushed but not so much your foot slides around.” The sarge informed him. Raiden quickly pulled the other boot on and repeated the process to make the boot snug up. When he rose to his feet he nearly jumped up, it felt like there was such little weight on his feet, yet so much more… Just… better.
After hesitating a moment he took a few steps and then slowly rose up onto the tips of his toes and back down as if trying to get a feel for being a couple centimeters taller thanks to the thick soles. “It feels amazing.”
“Glad to hear it. Did you get more socks corporal Colbert?” The sarge asked.
“Right yeah. I don’t care what you think you should be doing. Put on a new set every day. And please wash them regularly.” The woman handed him four more sets of socks.
“Thanks… I… I don’t know what to say.” Raiden shrugged a little, feeling put on the spot.
“Don’t worry about it Raiden. Just remember, if you hear anything or see anything we need to know come tell us. Crime, planned attacks, terrorists, anything like that at all. You come find me. Or, any of the human patrols here honestly. Doesn’t have to be void.” The sarge mentioned.
“Aren’t you all void?” Raiden asked with a frown. “Didn’t you guys get approval to move into the joint occupation zone? Isn’t that why you’re here?”
“We’re the ones who moved into the MP CPs, uh the police stations here yes. But this zone is patrolled by all members of the joint occupation forces. We’re in blue armor, the American marines are in desert camo and high vis vests, and the slavs are usually in urban camo and have SSR patches. Hard to miss.” Raiden squinted a moment.
“You’re all different? Also… desert camo?” Some of the planet was arid, and there were a few deserts sure. But Neu Vieumau was coastal and not even close to desert.
“Don’t ask me, it’s what they’re wearing. And yes, we’re all different. Plus there’s Ravex, and Kra’Kto’Sui, and of course the Rimjobs. Uuhhhh Rimmers. Shit. Reformed Imperial Military. Don’t call them Rimmers. They don’t like that.” Raiden knew that the joint occupation situation was complicated but he hadn’t realized just how complicated until now. Then again for the last several years his primary concern had been surviving his dad and passing the public education tests.
“Okay. I’ll let you know.” He nodded. “But thanks again.”
“Good luck getting your job.” The sarge added as Raiden nodded and headed out the door. He couldn’t help but move a bit faster down the hall and then once he got to the stairs he rushed up them as if his feet didn’t weigh a thing. He felt a little silly but he knew he had a big grin on his face. Real footwear! It was like a dream.
“Guess we do give out boots.” Raiden looked over at the guy at the front desk and nodded.
“Yes. They were very nice down there.” He added.
“In requisition? If you say so.” The soldier made a face as if it was impossible to believe. Even so Raiden headed out of the police station… MP CP and back into the cluster of soldiers posted out front.
“Hey kid, nice drop boots.” One commented as he walked out. “Off to fuck someone else’s sister in those?”
“Yeah yours.” He was as surprised as the soldier no doubt by his immediate reply but around him the other soldiers all began to laugh. It was a bit of an instinct from dealing with comments by the militia before but now he felt bad.
“Kid… my sister would eat you alive and not in a way you’d enjoy but you’re fucking welcome to it.” The soldier shook his head a moment as the others kept laughing. Raiden just gave a nervous grin and kept walking before anything worse happened.
With that done he pulled out the paper that listed all the packages and their addresses. There was one just a few streets up. That old house that had been abandoned he thought. Maybe someone had moved in? Either way he began heading that direction and caught himself bouncing on the heels of his feet a little with his steps. His feet felt so good! The boots were amazing! Nothing could ruin his day now!
“[A reckoning has come across the bilge rat!]” Raiden just barely had time to process Neff stepping out of the basement steps to his side, swinging a board at Raiden. Moving purely on reflex, Raiden jumped to the side, feeling the edge of the board tug at the sleeve of his shirt a moment. Lenk was across the street having been waiting in case Raiden had turned the other way.
The soldiers were just around the corner, but Neff was between him and them, not to mention Lenk would be rushing over. So Raiden turned and began sprinting up the street. Neff’s full force swing with the board had shifted his momentum so Raiden had a second of lead to use. If he’d been in his old rags… He’d left them with the soldiers! He’d completely forgotten to pick them up! They were probably thinking he was a rude- “[Wrath knows no distance! Run and die tired coward!]”
Right focus on running. Neff and Lenk were both older than him and taller. Raiden could outrun them with a swift burst of speed but every time he focused on just running straight they’d catch up to him eventually. He could already hear their footsteps racing behind him though he didn’t dare spare a glance. Instead he broke hard left down the alley behind the Tviraki restaurant. There were always plenty of leftover crates down there.
Sprinting past some empty boxes he grabbed the edges and yanked to tumble them in Neff’s path while he looked at the big fence up ahead. Normally he’d never make it but in these boots… He could jump up the trash can onto the dumpster and then roll over the top of the fence and drop down onto the dumpster on the other side. He could do it. He had to do it. “[Nowhere to go you cancerous runt!]” He really had to do it.
Raiden jumped up onto the trash can, and felt it start to tilt with his weight as he stepped off it to charge across the thankfully closed dumpster before leaping as high as he could muster. Rather than roll over the top of the fence however he was shocked to find he cleared the top of the fence easily. Though his added height meant he was coming down on the far edge of the dumpster, not the middle… And it was open, not closed.
His eyes went wide with horror as he seemed to be coming straight down into a pile of rotten food scraps and whatever else the restaurant had thrown out. The stench wafted up into his nostrils even as he descended. Desperately he waved his arms, spinning them in the air as if to fly, or just get that tiny bit of extra momentum. Thankfully this seemed to work as his feed landed on the edge of the dumpster. He wanted to shout in victory, yet the shock of his landing transferred up to his knees which buckled a bit and had to quickly lean forward, sloppily rolling forward as he tumbled down into a cluster of trash cans.
Having his fall broken by metal trash cans was hardly ideal as he rolled off them to the ground, his shoulder and ankle immediately groaning in pain. Yet, he had made it over and he looked back at Neff on the other side of the fence obviously surprised. “Hah! [Scum sucking parasite!]” Raiden did his best to hide his pain as he raised his middle finger at the bully chasing after him.
Yet Neff was not easily deterred. He jumped up onto the dumpster and got ready to hop over the top of the fence after Raiden. “Oh shit…” He turned and quickly ran off down the alley before Neff could drop down. His ankle groaned a bit harder but he pushed through and kept running. The house was just up ahead. What good was that going to do him?! They were just going to beat his ass on the doorstep! But he had no other way to try and get away. So he just kept running.
On the far side of the alleyway he looked to his right and sprinted as best he could to the structure. It had a brick wall around it to isolate it from the neighbors. The three story structure looked ominous, with blacked out windows and a bone white paint along the old wooden structure. Wrought iron spikes lining the wall, and the gate leading in was bent into the shape of the Paragon of Wrath Bioujar Dooritay. One didn’t usually want to mess with the disciples of Dooritay.
But Raiden didn’t have a choice as he frantically opened the gate and rushed inside then up the steps to the door. His finger hammered on the doorbell as he heard it beeping and buzzing from the other side while he looked back in fear as Neff, then Lenk rushed up to the gate. Raiden turned, pressing his back to the door as he watched. Why had he come here? He was so screwed… Lenk took a step forward but Neff grabbed his shoulder.
“[No. That crazy lady lives here.]” The two thugs glanced at one another for a moment, then back at Raiden, considering their options. “[You have to get lucky every time Raiden! We only have to get lucky once!]” Neff threatened before they backed up. Raiden felt the door behind his back start to open and he quickly leaned forward so he didn’t fall backwards when the door was opened.
Turning around just as it opened he was faced with a dark figure silhouetted against the light from inside, his eyes taking a moment to adjust. First he noticed the horns, which meant a Davari. They were rather wide too, no doubt bulky with muscles. Then his eyes went to some kind of claw weapon in their right hand. He was so screwed. But then the figure stepped forward into view. “Oh deary me are you alright? I saw those young ruffians chasing you.”
Raiden was face to face with an old Davari woman. The hair around her temples was grey, and her horns had begun to bleach white with age. She was wearing an oversized shirt with sunflowers on it, an old set of sweatpants, and some big rubber galoshes on her feet. The claw thing she was holding in one hand was matched by a small digging trowel in the other. Also, had she spoken to him in English? Had he imagined that? “Uh… thank you. Uhm…” His eyes did return to the claw she held.
Noticing his stare she looked down and then held it up. “Oh! My claw? It’s just for gardening work. I’m sorry if I gave you a fright, you caught me just before I was going to tend to my garden. I only moved in recently so I need to get the bulbs in and get them growing! Bring some life to this little place.” Her big bright smile was comforting. “Now, did you just try to seek shelter here young man?”
“Oh uhm… no. I uh… Package.” Raiden’s breath was a bit ragged as his body seemed to catch up with what was happening. Slipping the pack off his shoulders he opened it up and rummaged around to pull out the box for her.
“Oh! You’re from that pawn shop? Wonderful. It’s my heart medication. The ticker just can’t handle the church orgies like it used to.” She let out a deep laugh that filled the air even as Raiden blushed at her comment.
“Could I… get water?” He asked next.
“Oh yes, you must be tired from running! Yes yes, come on in.” She waved him in then, setting the claw and little trowel down on a table near the door. Looking around the room he noticed a lot of paintings that were splashes of colors that didn’t seem to form anything but still had a… happy vibe to them? He also noticed lots of pictures of flowers and plants and the old lady standing in front of various buildings or landmarks. He noticed a lot from Partizania Rai, the tropical resort world.
There were also lots of pictures and paintings of cartoonish, happy animals. Cats, dogs, Vukos, Quibs, Lormites, even some kind of bushy tailed orange thing he’d never seen. She led him into a kitchen that was as big as the apartment he lived in and waved for him to sit at a giant wooden table. “Would you like some water sweetie?” She asked and he nodded as she grabbed a glass covered in dancing bunnies and filled it from a spout in her fridge. He blinked as he looked at her giant fridge. It actually had an ice and water dispenser on the front! He’d seen it in vids but never in person.
“Now, you just sit a moment and catch your breath sweetie. I’m just going to make sure it’s the right medication. Is that okay?” As she asked that Raiden nodded and grabbed the glass, gulping at the water as he suddenly found himself far more thirsty than he realized. The old Davari lady just smiled and took the box as she shuffled off into another room.
Agnivra frowned as she looked at the box in her hand. Everything looked to be in order except a small hand written note just under the label. “Exceptional Service Guaranteed! No good neighbor is beyond our reach! Check out our web hotline service immediately for a special vibrant offer! These offers aren’t dreams! Awaken to the truth, of our low low deals!” To any normal person it would just be a slightly odd ad for the business. But to particular people it held a very different meaning. Pulling out a slate she returned to the Pawn Shop’s website. Scanning the page she then clicked on a very small icon that nearly looked like just part of the background.
A customer review template popped up asking her to fill in a username. Ignoring the usual suggestions she quickly typed in a set of keywords and then hit the button to talk to a rep. There was a delay and then a message popped up. “Reliqua non est aeternum.”
“Ooohh…” She bit her lower lip a moment as she scratched her head. “Nemo nostrum est quam ira.” She typed in and sent. Then immediately followed up. “Quam irae nemo nostrum.” Was that it? “Listen, no one is beyond our wrath. I can’t remember all the phrases exactly. Sierra Triumvirate Helios Roulette 34275. Sleeper activated.”
She was worried what would happen for a moment but then let out a sigh of relief when the next message popped up. “I doubt my Latin is any better. Welcome back to the fold agent. You’ve been gone quite a while. You’re not due to retire yet. I’ll overlook any lapses in service provided you understand that work is to be done immediately.”
Agnivra looked back at the door, knowing the young man was still in her kitchen. “Am I to kill the messenger?”
“No.” She let out another sigh of relief. She hated killing the young. It was bad form. “Observe his performance. If anyone is hindering him determine if they’re hostile agents or just local noise.”
“Two locals were spotted chasing him to this residence.” She returned.
“Then research them. If they’re working for anyone else, deal with them.” Came the reply.
“Specific termination, or dealer’s choice?” She sent back.
“Dealer’s choice.” She thought about that a moment.
“Good, my garden is in need of fertilizer. Additional objectives at this time? Handler ID?” Who was it who had called her back after all this time? How had they found her?
“No further details. Agent Autumn, I hope you remember how to kill. Handler out.” The message board vanished.
“Hhhmmm…” Angivra rubbed her chin. They were being coy. “Young man. Would you like something to eat? I bet you’re hungry!” She tucked the slate away and shuffled back towards the kitchen with a big smile. She’d see what the boy knew. If she was being awakened then she wanted to know if she was killing for a cause, or a criminal. Either way she had a feeling her garden would thrive in this city.
Chapter 4

I spent several hours this past week coaching traders at my prop firm. And something caught my attention…
Every single one of these traders needed help with the same thing.
It has to do with what I call the “reverse” gambler’s fallacy. And it’s something many traders struggle with.
Today, I’ll show you how to get this common obstacle under control… and start earning more consistent returns year after year…
What Most New Traders Get Wrong
The obstacle I’m talking about is trading psychology. It’s a very broad term used to describe the emotional side of trading.
Almost all new traders believe the most important part of trading is being able to analyze markets like a pro.
On the surface, this logic makes sense. After all, if you can reliably forecast which direction to take on a trade, the money should take care of itself… right?
What these novices don’t yet understand is that something special happens the moment you commit your money to a trade…
You start feeling things.
Whether it’s fear, excitement, anxiety, or a mix of all three, no one is immune to these emotions. And they can wreak havoc on even the best planned trades.
You may be able to call the direction, the timing, and the target price to perfection… But it can all be for nothing if you are unable to stick to your trade plan.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen traders plan out a great trade… But then ended up somehow losing money, or not being in the market when the move they’d forecast played out.
So how do you beat your emotions to become a better, more consistent trader? It comes down to the three key parts of trading. Let me explain…
The Three-Legged Stool of Trading
I think of trading as a three-legged stool.
Your methodology/strategy for picking trades is the first leg. Your risk- and trade-management strategy is the second leg. And the third leg is your trading psychology.
In my experience, most traders focus on the first leg (strategy and methodology), and they neglect the other two legs. But the stool needs all three legs to stand on its own.
Over the years, I’ve honed my own proprietary method to develop well-rounded traders. Here’s what I’ve learned…
The first fundamental building block of a profitable trader is to establish a proven strategy/methodology you can use to identify good trades. In my experience, everything follows from this foundation.
How you manage your risk and your trades should be determined by the strategies you employ. Your trading psychology likewise will be influenced by your approach to risk and trade management.
I’ve seen other trading instructors assign arbitrary percentage values to the three legs of the trading stool. Usually these values are divided up like this: 30% to the level of importance on the analytical strategy, 30% to risk and trade management, and 40% to trading psychology.
But I don’t believe that any one leg is more important than the other. And yet I’ve found that, more often than not, traders neglect risk/trade management and psychology.
So how do you stop neglecting these two important areas to become a more well-rounded trader? That’s where our reverse gambler’s fallacy comes in…
​
Time to Ditch the Casino Mentality
There is one block that seems to stop traders from progressing to working on the other two legs.
That is, they don’t know how to flip the switch from thinking about their trades as individual trades in a vacuum… to thinking about them as a collection that relies on a statistical edge to net a profit.
Most traders run into this problem at some point in their careers. And if you’re frustrated with your trading right now, chances are you may be struggling with this, too.
It’s known as the casino mentality. And it’s the same mindset that amateur gamblers will take with them into Caesars Palace or the Bellagio.
It doesn’t matter if they’re seated at the blackjack table or standing over the roulette wheel. Most gamblers believe that the hand or spin they are about to play is the opportunity to hit a winner.
After all, if the roulette wheel has landed four black spins in a row, the next one surely must be red, right?
In reality, the chances of the roulette ball landing on black or red is even, at about 47.4% each. This means each spin is independent of the last.
This is also known as the gambler’s fallacy. What’s interesting is that I’ve observed a kind of reverse gambler’s fallacy from many traders…
This occurs when a trader, who does in fact have a statistically proven strategy, goes on a losing streak… And then instead of continuing to trust their strategy, they abandon it altogether.
How to Avoid the “Reverse” Gambler’s Fallacy
I saw this logical fallacy in effect this past week during one of my coaching calls.
The trader I was coaching had recently taken a technical setup that simply did not work. He was convinced he had done something wrong and wanted my help in improving his analysis.
But his analysis was great.
He didn’t do anything wrong in identifying the setup, which was textbook in nature. But the setup looked so good that, when it resulted in a loss, the trader was convinced that he was the problem… That he did something wrong.
The lesson I imparted to him, which I now want to pass on to you, is this very simple truth…
Nobody, and I mean nobody, ever takes a trade thinking it is going to be a loser. Every single trade you take will be because you thought it would make you money.
Despite this feeling of confidence, out of 100 trades, you’d be lucky to win 50% of them.
That’s why a great trader is not defined by what percentage of their trades end up as winners or losers. A great trader is defined by whether or not they are net profitable after taking 100 trades.
If you win roughly as many trades as you lose, but your winners make you 2x or 3x the amount of money you give back on your losers, you will end up with a nice profit at the end of the year.
Remember, nobody ever takes a trade thinking it is not going to work out. This is why it is absolutely crucial to abandon the idea of thinking about your trades as individual trades.
Instead, start taking a more data-driven, statistical approach to your trading. What do I mean by that?
Keeping a longer-term perspective on your trading is the key to longevity in this business. What your numbers look like over the next 100, 200, or 300 trades is far more relevant and important than losing your cool because you lost a handful of trades in a row.
Of course, to be able to make it to 300 trades, you must have a rock-solid risk management plan in place.
I don’t see gamblers at the casino take a professional approach very often. It’s rare to see someone bet small and stick to the odds on every play. It’s far more common for gamblers to be all over the place with the size of their bets.
They may start off betting small, but after winning a couple of hands of blackjack, they get overconfident and take an outsized bet. Sure enough, on that next hand they go bust while the house just happens to hit blackjack.
This is how casinos make money from gamblers. And it’s how the market parts amateur traders from their capital.
No doubt, it takes a lot of hard work and discipline to make the transition from amateur to professional. But, I promise you, the rewards make it all worthwhile. Until next time.
Regards,

And suddenly, as I looked around, a crowd of people surrounded me. I was at the craps table, up $200. The die were hot that night. The people were cheering me on. “Lucky 7’s!”, they hollered. I cast the die one final time and...
Hold on hold on, before I get to the good stuff let me take you back to where this really began. It all really started about a month or two before. A good buddy of mine, Jimmy, had bought a poker set. You know, nothing too fancy. Jimmy was a simple guy, we’d invite the guys over to his garage, sip bourbon, hack cigs, and throw in some logs. Some nights, when there was more whiskey in us than water, we’d wager some money. Nothing big, you know? Just maybe a $10-$20 buy in. I was a decent player I’d say. For me though, it wasn’t really about the money. I enjoyed the thrill of it, watching the river turn, going all in on a bluff when all I would have is a dirty pair of 2’s. Stuff of that sort. Soon we got into things like blackjack, and eventually we bought some old rickety roulette board that could barely spin on its axis. But it worked, none the less. I enjoyed watching the ball dance between red and black when I’d have some $25 placed on red. I always loved red, that color never did me wrong. Things continued like this for the next month. It wasn’t long before I was up a few bucks, and I started to get it in me that it was time to hit the big leagues. There was a casino in our small town not too far from where we lived. And I had a shitty old fake from Missouri. Birth year was 98, and the name was Phil. I don’t know why, but I always liked that name. So I headed to the gambling joint to dance in the devil’s playground. Upon my arrival, I was bombarded with bright lights, sweet aromas wafting from the diners, and a feeling of excitement arose within me. I wanted to fit in, so I wore a leather jacket, white washed jeans, and my nicest pair of boots. I handed the chump at the front desk my fake, and to my surprise I breezed right by. I was in. Now from the snippets of a book I had bought, and a handful of youtube videos, I learned craps gives you the best odds. So I decided to go to the craps table. I started off small. $5 bets, $10, and before I knew it I was up quite a bit. People started to watch me, enjoying this young kid run it up at the table. The old men liked my spirit, and in between roles I had some casino skanks flirting with me and offering me drinks. I was having the time of my life. I was up $200 in the blink of an eye, when all I came there with was a crumpled 20 and a dream. I decided to place a $100 bet on 7’s, I was feeling myself. I was shaking up the die, ready for a roll. People were excited, and hell, even the worker at the table was enjoying it. Then, as I cast the die, a hand snatched me by my arm. I heard a voice say, “Phil, huh? Yeah, you’re coming with me.” I turned, and it was a state trooper with black shades on.

Hello everyone! I have only been on Reddit for a few months but I learned so much from it that I figured I should try and give back to the community. English is my second language and this is the first time I ever write a full-length article, I hope you will enjoy reading it and I would be very thankful if you could provide some feedback about my writing, about the topic, or about anything else really… So here goes!
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Why you should learn poker and game theory:
My story is similar to that of many: I learned about the game 10 years ago (during the golden age of online poker) when some friends of mine invited me to play a home game. Although I initially thought of poker as just another game of chance akin to playing slots or roulette in a casino, I quickly came to realize that there is a lot more to it as my more experienced friends would repeatedly get the best of me during these home games, which led me to start watching videos and reading strategy books to improve my skill… Little did I know it’d be the start of a journey that would impact many different aspects of my life way beyond the game itself, as most of the fundamental principles learned through poker can be applied to your decision-making outside of the game, especially when it comes to money management and investing. Now, let’s dive into a few of these principles:
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- Risk management (i.e. Bankroll management)
When learning about how to be successful playing poker, the first big piece of advice most people come across is bankroll management or BRM. To understand BRM, you must first realize that poker has a lot of variance: you might be vastly ahead in a given hand but there is almost always a slim chance that you will lose in the end if one specific card hits. This implies that you will sometimes lose even though you were a 99% favorite, and that you will sometimes get unlucky and lose 2, 5 or maybe even 20 such encounters in a row. THIS is variance. It doesn’t mean that you played bad or that you made bad decisions, but rather that you got unlucky. Over time you will have lucky streaks and unlucky streaks, and these will average out in the long term… It’s just the way the game goes.
Now that we understand variance, let’s get back to BRM. What is it exactly? Let’s say you are the best poker player in the world but you only have 1000$ that you can EVER use to play with. Taking your whole 1000$ on one table and multiplying your stack at an exponential rate might seem like a good idea. Surely nothing can go wrong since you’re the best player in the world right? But variance can be a bitch ;) Even if you’re the best you will lose regularly and you will sometimes get unlucky, it’s just part of the game. The correct move here is to apply BRM, which means only using a small % of your available capital for each game you play in order to reduce the risk of going broke. Using only 100$ per game would already be a lot safer, but you still run the risk of going under on a streak of bad luck. If you only allocate 10$ per game you play, then it becomes virtually impossible for you to ever go broke, even on a huge streak of bad luck. Sure it’s not as exciting and you won’t be making money quite as fast as you could, but this is the way to go to make sure you don’t go broke…
This approach to risk management translates very well to investing:
- Only invest what you can afford to lose. Once the money is on the table it’s as good as gone, which is why you should only use your “spare” cash and never invest with your living expenses or worse, borrow money to invest.
- Diversify your investments. There is always a chance, however slim it might be, that you will lose most of your investment. This is why going all-in on a specific investment is generally a bad idea (this applies particularly well in the crypto space).
Proper BRM allows you to make sure that you will come out ahead in the long run if you play well, which basically comes down to making more good decisions than bad ones. But that’s assuming you don’t let emotions come in the way of your decision-making, which brings us to our next point…
​
- Emotional management (i.e. Handling tilt/Positive mindset)
Nobody likes losing… In the same way we enjoy winning because of the dopamine rush, we feel bad when we lose which is totally natural. Overcoming this and avoiding tilt (irrational decisions made out of angefrustration) is an essential skill for any successful poker player. You might play a sound game of poker and apply good BRM, but you will still lose if you let your emotions get the best of you.
After a loss, rather than being angry and frustrated, you should evaluate your decision-making. If your decision-making was good, you just got unlucky and you shouldn’t worry about it since you are playing for the long run (remember that variance teaches us that anything can happen in the short-term). If your decision-making was bad, you need to learn from your mistakes and move on. The key here is to always have a positive mindset: making mistakes is part of the learning process and should be seen as an occasion to improve. Being angry and ranting, on the other hand, rarely result in anything positive.
Again, this translates very well to investing:
- Don’t be impulsive, don’t let your emotions cloud your judgment. You should not FOMO because the price is pumping, nor should you sell because of FUD or price corrections. If you believe in a project, short-term price changes (did I hear someone say “variance”?) shouldn’t bother you.
- Don’t get stuck up on losses. You bought the top and it crashed immediately after? You sold the bottom right before a huge rally? Don’t let this bother you: what’s done is done and you just need to move on and make the best of your current situation.
- Have a positive mindset. Anger and frustration lead to nothing. Yes you could have bought in 2009 when you first heard about it, hindsight is always 20/20. Stay positive and keep learning/improving yourself.
The good thing about all this is that it goes way beyond poker or investing. Being aware of your emotions and how they affect you, learning how to handle losing even when you were “supposed” to win, etc… All this can tremendously help you in all aspects of life by making you less impulsive and more rational in your decision-making. Now, this leaves us with our last fundamental principle of a sound poker strategy:
​
- Basic stats and probabilities (i.e. Expected value/Odds)
To become an accomplished player, you will inevitably have to learn about these simple mathematical tools that poker players use all the time in their decision-making process, such as odds and expected value. To make it very simple, the expected value (EV) of any bet is (REWARD \ WinRate - RISK), meaning that if you can bet 1000$ with a chance to win 10k$ half of the time, your EV is *(10000\0.5)-1000 = +4000$**. Obviously these are great odds to take as long as you have enough capital to overcome variance. But things would be very different if the odds of winning were only 5% as your EV would then be negative *(10000\0.05)-1000 = -500$.*** Now this is clearly a bet you should not take…
Now that you know probabilities, statistics and game theory are useful decision-making tools in poker, guess what? They are also extremely useful in investing! Even better, the study of game theory with problems such as the “Byzantine generals” or the “Three prisoners” has been, along with cryptography, the foundation on which blockchain technology was built, enabling the trustless and decentralized services that are about to revolutionize our world…
Assuming this was enough to pique your interest and make you want to dig deeper, I’ll just add that just like the other topics we discussed and as you might have guessed, this translates very well to investing and also to pretty much anything in your life:
- Learn how to break down complex situations. Logical thinking paired with a statistical approach will help you break down any complex problem into several easier problems, making the whole thing a lot easier to approach/comprehend.
- Base your decisions on a methodical and rational approach. List every possible outcome along with its associated upside/downside, estimate the probability of each outcome to occur and make the best decision based on the information available.
My point here is that risk management, emotional management and statistics/game theory are all awesome tools that you should definitely add to your arsenal. Not only will it improve your money-management and investing, it will also be beneficial to your decision-making and to your life in general. Of course poker is not the only way to learn about these, but I personally found it to be the best practice ground to refine and improve them, which is why I strongly encourage you all to try it out and study the game.
I hope you enjoyed the article, and I wish you all a happy 2021 bull run! May we all come closer to retirement and financial independence!
​
TL;DR: more than a game, poker is a school of thought. It teaches you to be reasonable, to assess the risk of every single choice you make, to overcome you emotions, to play the long game rather than the short game, to make informed decisions, etc… This has made me a lot wiser in every aspect of my life, which is why I strongly encourage to try it out and read about poker strategy.
Edit: I couldn't crosspost from cc so I just copied the post as I figured it is relevant here too :)

Writer’s Note: The last of my trilogies of fan fiction. This is the full story, next part in the comments. Roles are pre-assigned based on the canon of the show; Arnie Niekamp plays Shroom, Adal Rifai plays Meemee, Brooke Breit plays Ari, Erin Keif plays Code. Enjoy!
_________________________________________________
Static starts
INT. EARTH BUNKER – AT SOME TIME
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN is sitting comfortably in an office chair, leaning over a desk, and checking a list. He seems fairly focused, hitting the pencil to his lips and cheek.
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN: Hmm let’s see…I have “make a sourdough starter”, “renovate the kitchen”, “learn an instrument”, “learn a language”, “read a book” and finally, “watch all Oscar Winning Best Films of each year” ...What else can I add to 2020 bingo of things people haven’t done?
While the list is being rattled off, there are background noises of different footsteps and shuffling, quickening as the Mysterious Man ends his list. A late 20s Asian woman, ANN, comes by the desk in a huff, aiming for the dials that change the frequency of the podcast. LINCOLN quickly followers her, reaching out his hands to stop her, but his efforts are futile. The Mysterious Man’s expression shifts back and forth between confusion and being pissed off.
ANN: (Politely) Excuse me, I just want to borrow this for a second…
The static gives various tones as Ann alters the dials.
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN: Oh, I’m sorry, does my shirt say, “I have nothing important to do, please feel free to touch my dials to another dimension.”? (To Lincoln) Seriously, who is this human?
LINCOLN: I don’t know. She just inserted herself into the bunker and my bosses don’t know how she knew about this place.
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN: Lincoln, remind me to get a thesaurus for you next gift giving holiday so you can understand there are better ways to phrase things. –Also, you’re telling me she isn’t one of your people?
Lincoln shrugs and the machine clicks. The static is lessened, and the tones are far more consistent. Ann stops scanning the dials. Her excitement is barely contained.
ANN: Ah HA! I knew it would have to exist.
LINCOLN: What exists?
ANN: Rule 63.
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN: Please, no one wants to hear a literal Bangin’ Buds story. That is the Russian roulette of a creator’s emails. The hosts probably regret nicknaming their fan fiction collection that too.
ANN: No, no. Rule 63: For every given male character, there is an equal female counterpart. It’s even on a preset on that channel.
The Mysterious Man leans down and squints to read the dials. He adjusts his face as if he has glasses.
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN: Channel 63…Genderswap World? I thought I blacked out the option with a sharpie.
LINCOLN: So, does this mean we get to listen to another transmission from a different Foon?
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN: Over my extraterrestrial body! I was hoping we would close off interludes when we finally got all the meat sacks back into their respective home dimensions. But you know what, why should I start caring about what you do with your limited time on Earth now? If you need me, I’ll be in the break room betting with the other drones here how many reusable k-cups have not been cleaned. My money is on three. (to himself) This better be the last one.
The Mysterious Man walks away from his desk, leaving Lincoln and Ann in awkward silence. They both kind of stare at the ground, waiting for the other to say something.
ANN: I’m Ann by the way.
LINCOLN: Lincoln.
ANN: …So, do you want to start it off? It’s been a while since I heard your voice.
LINCOLN: No, I’m good. I think I’ll get Tricia; she might be interested in this broadcast.
ANN: Okay…
Lincoln leaves and Ann lightly waves him goodbye. Ann hesitantly sits in the Mysterious Man’s chair and pulls herself closer to the microphone.
ANN: So…um…yeah…I guess…People of Earth? The following podcast is not real. So, if you’re tired of these non-canonical variants, this is the last one, I promise…well, I hope. But if you do like it, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!
INT. BAR - DAYTIME
MUNDLE THE GRUNDLE starts the musical intro, some bar noises heard in the background. Patrons move around the Vermillion Minotaur as the shot pans to a table where the human from another world, ARI, the shapeshifter, who is currently a small grizzly bear cub, CODE, and the slightly feminine USIDORE, the Blue Wizard, drink and do their podcast. Light live band music is heard in the back.
ARI: Hello from the Magic Tavern!
Mundle the Grundle trills
ARI (CONT’D): A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I’m your host, Ari Niekamp. If you never listened to the podcast before, don’t worry, this is everything you need to know. Almost six years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Houlihan's, in Chicago, into the magical, fantastical land of Foon. Luckily, I’m still getting a Wi-fi signal from the Houlihan's, through the dimensional rift and I use that to upload a podcast, chronicling our quest to defeat The Dark Lady. And I’m joined by my co-host, Code, the talking grizzly bear!
CODE: AW YEAHHH HONEYYYYYY. Do you like my new catch phrase? I’ve been testing it out.
ARI: I do like it. It definitely fits with your bear motif.
CODE: I also have bear teeth. Ha cha cha. I mean, c’mon look at them.
Code opens her mouth, shoving her face by Ari’s face. Ari recoils slightly.
CODE: Schee! Schee!
ARI: Code, I get it. Can you move your mouth? Your breath smells like fish tacos.
CODE: (Backs away) A what?
ARI: It's like flat bread folded as if you made a V with your hands and it has fish. Could be hard or soft. The bread, not the fish.
CODE: Mmmm yum yum yum yum. But why would my mouth smell like that?
ARI: Wh-why would you stress the word “mouth”?
CODE: What do you mean? I always talk like this.
ARI: Nevermind. It has been a while since I heard you say all those yums. Can you remind me of some of the other catchphrases you have?
CODE: Well, I ran “Code’s up with that” to the ground. “Get Hard”, my one-time catchphrase, “Living up to the Code”, and, of course, “Let’s put that on a tank top!”
ARI: And I’m emailing the store to get our current shirt taken down.
CODE: What were they thinking, typing up “Chunt’s up with that”?
ARI: It’s one letter away from being too close for comfort. I mean, I’m okay with it, but it’s not exactly marketable.
CODE: But the “Ask me about my two buttholes” shirt is still okay, right?
ARI: Mmhmm. Somehow, it’s the best seller.
CODE: You know, I’ve been thinking about it; we really need to put new merch into the store. You did look good as Tika.
ARI: You mean when I was a tiki mug? I guess that might be an easy sell. But it feels a little hollow since I’m not the one being drank out of.
CODE: Okay, maybe that’s a bad idea if you’re just gonna make it sexual.
ARI: It’s not a sex thing! I just had a strong desire for people to drink me. It felt like my purpose.
CODE: Alright. Well, what about a stuffed bear? I mean, who wouldn’t want a face like this hanging around. OH, and I can have a tape box inside of me like that Teddy Ruxpin I pretended to be when we visited you on Earth.
ARI: That does sound like a fu-
CODE: OH! And we can put one in the stuff bear! It could say “Aww yeah Honey!” That will really get my new catchphrase going.
ARI: So, wait, you wanted a tape inside the real you? Why would you do that?
CODE: Well, I could take a slumber cup and fall asleep. We could put some standard phrases so I can participate in the podcast. It’s the perfect out! And, when I die, you can put sunglasses on me and bring me to the beach and host a party.
ARI: And how many times do we have to do this?
CODE: Once is probably enough, but definitely no more than two times. We can call it “Weekend at Bechtel’s”. Doesn’t that sound like fun?
ARI: Mmhmm. And on that note, I’m also joined by my other co-host, Usidore the Wizard.
USIDORE: I AM USIDORE! Wizard of the 12th Realm of Epothomia, Master of Light and Shadow, Manipulator of Magical Delights, Devourer of Chaos, CHAMPION OF THE GREAT HALLS OF FORMIYA TERRA! The elves know me as Fey’icia H’ghard, the dwarfs know me as Zappa Hoobastank, and I am also known in the Northeast as Goya Armani. And there are other secret names, secret names that, when uttered aloud, most assuredly, it would switch the genitalia of everyone on Foon.
CODE: And who wants to hear a whole episode about that?
USIDORE: Well, if we don’t constantly point it out, I’m sure it would be fine.
ARI: You know I should’ve said Hoogstandjes when you said Hoobastank.
USIDORE: Why would you say that?
ARI: Hoogstandjes is a band on Earth, but I don’t really want to talk about Earth stuff.
CODE: Well, you brought it up. Tell us, what kind of band they are like? What songs do they sing?
USIDORE: Yes, tell us.
ARI: Alright, there’s…The Reason, Out of Control, and… that’s it!
CODE: That’s it?
ARI: Well, I don’t understand what you want from me. I don’t really listen to them. It seems much more of our audience’s speed as I keep on getting emails addressing Usidore as Hoogstandjes.
USIDORE: Ari, why are you running away from more song names?
CODE: Yeah, I’m sure if you start crawling in the dark, you could find more songs.
ARI: Is that a song by them?
CODE: Baby don’t know. If I Were You, I would brush up on that knowledge.
ARI: That felt like a deep cut.
USIDORE: Ah. I-I do want to circle back to the store front. We need more Usidore shirts, or a poster with all my names.
ARI: You do have both with all your names.
USIDORE: No, it has the names I say as my intro. I have many other secret names. Wh-Why, we can fill a whole time. We can call it, Usidore: from A to Z. We’ll just leave out all the danger names.
CODE: Usidore, can I say one of the dangerous names you taught me?
USIDORE: I-I suppose, just nothing too destructive.
CODE: (whispers) Kugel Phalanges
A small rock materializes and drops on Ari’s head, nothing to cause a bruise. Usidore snickers a little.
ARI: Ow, hey…
USIDORE: Ha ha, if she had said it any louder, it would be a much bigger rock.
ARI: Usidore, I already told you-
USIDORE: -And I do love rocks.
ARI: (sign) I already told you, you can literally jumble words together and someone, at some point, has called you that. (points at Code) Case and point.
USIDORE: Name 5 of my names.
ARI: Okay, ummm Laurence Hathaway.
CODE: One.
ARI: Magoogala Simpaline
CODE AND USIDORE: Two.
ARI: That one guy.
CODE AND USIDORE: Three.
ARI: Umm…The Hateful Bitch
USIDORE: (flatly) How dare you.
CODE: Four. And Five?
ARI: Uhh… (mumbles under her breath)
CODE: Yup, that’s all five!
USIDORE: Now let me set the record straight-
ARI: Sure.
USIDORE: Laurence Hathaway is wh-what the wizard lawyers call me. Magoogala SimpaliNA, not Simplaine, is what the narwhals of Hi-Higgens Shore call me. Many people call me that one guy, but they cannot see my w-womanly figure. The fourth one was just cruel. And that last name is pronounced like this. (mumbles under her breath)
Ari tries to mimic Usidore’s mumbles.
USIDORE (CONT’D): No, no no. (repeats mumbles)
Ari tries once again to mimic Usidore’s mumbles. They keep going for a bit. Code also tries to mumble like Usidore.
USIDORE: Ah! Excellent, Code. See, Ariana, it is easy.
ARI: It’s Ari. And where was that rock name when we were running away from Baroness Ragoon’s soldiers?
USIDORE: Oh, it has a recharge time of a long rest.
ARI: And what constitutes a long rest?
CODE: Ari, I think you just go to bed.
USIDORE: In-in most cases, y-yes. BUT! This particular long rest is a cov-coveted secret.
Usidore looks around to make sure no one is around. She leans over the table and Ari and Code follow.
USIDORE (CONT’D): (low voice) Go down, deep into the depths of the dungeon, find the master, and tell him softly, “I need to take a long rest”. (normal voice) And if you have others with you on your quest party, they also must rest.
ARI: Isn’t that just a spell then?
USIDORE: Of course not, th-the golems of the Undermountain call me that. And we all say it together to greet one another.
ARI: Usidore, that’s just a greeting.
CODE: You know that last name was fun! We should do a whole podcast just saying- (mumbles)
USIDORE: Ah yes! (mumbles)
Code and Usidore continue to mumble to each other.
USIDORE: What fun!
ARI: Yup, perfect podcast content.
CODE: Yeah, and I can get on one side of the mic, and Usidore can get on the other side of the mic.
USIDORE: Oh yes, gives me the tingles on the back of my neck.
CODE: Like the sound my fur makes when you ruffle it up.
USIDORE: Let me conjure some spiced potatoes to eat. That should give this podcast that audible crunch.
CODE: Ooooo yum yum yum! Get me some too. And a tac-co!
USIDORE: What’s a taco?
CODE: Well, Ari says it’s like little flat piece of bread-
ARI: Code, Code, we are not a muckbang podcast!
CODE: Muckbang? What does that have to do with swinger swampmen and women having a blast! When I turned into a swampperson-
ARI: You were a swamp person?
CODE: Mmmhmm, wild nights!
ARI: We also have to order up some for a large party, because we have a few guests coming on today.
CODE: Great! Who do we have?
ARI: Well, we have some good friends that we haven’t heard from in a while and they heard about the tavern’s night event!
USIDORE: Oh yes, I did see the signs for ka-karaoke night. And you did tell us how, when you first came to Foon, y-you were heading to a karaoke night of your own?
ARI: Not exactly. For listeners who haven’t been around the last six years, I was on my way to Houlihan's for a quick lunch and saw that they had a karaoke night that night and I told myself I would come back later that day. And when I was about to drive away, I fell through a dimensional rift with my Toyota Sienna, and I was brought here. And I stumbled my way to the Vermillion Minotaur, where they also had a karaoke night, where I met Code and Usidore. If you really want to know more, just listen to the first episode.
USIDORE: Or the Five-Year Anniversary episode.
ARI: Or read the book published last year.
USIDORE: Or the graphic novel publishing later this year.
ARI: (smugly) Hashtag Shameless Plugs.
CODE: It saves on the exposition, and we all know what exposition ruins.
ARI: Listenership?
CODE: No, my appetite. I’m bear-y hungry.
ARI: Not even subtle. I thought you would go for one obvious joke, and you went for another.
USIDORE: Can you believe how deep my voice was in the beginning episodes?
CODE: You just really love those cough drops.
USIDORE: I still have some in my robe if you want to try some.
Usidore fiddles with her robes and pulls out a small satchel. She shakes it a little and it rattles.
ARI: That’s okay. Just keep your normal voice, okay?
USIDORE: Alright.
Usidore pulls some drops out of the satchel and chews some cough drops. Her voice briefly slips into the normal, canon Usidore voice.
USIDORE (CONT’D): Mmmm. More for me. (munches more)
Ari sighs.
CODE: But tell us who’s gonna be on with us!
ARI: Well, when I heard they knew about karaoke night, one of them was really excited to come and the other was like, okay. Please welcome Meemee the rat with human strength and Shroom, the mushroom.
CODE: We don’t have boys on the podcast that often. Mmmm Boys night!
ARI: (Flirty) Boys night!
USIDORE: BOYS NIGHT!
Little grunts are heard as MEEMEE tries to climb up the table. Meemee is a grey rat with Guy Fieri hair and a small needle as a sword by his side. He carries SHROOM, a Portobello mushroom, on his back. Shroom has a small nibble on the top of his head.
MEEMEE: Huh tut tut tut, hi, I’m Meemee.
SHROOM: What’s up?
MEEMEE: I am sooooo excited for karaoke. You guys have to Hear. Meemee. Sing.
CODE: Hear Meemee?
MEEMEE: Yeah! (sing songy) Mee mee meeeeeee!
SHROOM: And I’m pretty happy to be invited.
ARI: Hey, how have you two been? What have you been up to?
MEEMEE: Oh, Meemee is fabulous. To be honest though, this is my first time being out like this since Ari drank my girlfriend.
ARI: Yeah, I’m sorry about last time. I was just so thirsty.
MEEMEE: Ari, we’ve been over this before; you can’t keep drinking other rat’s girlfriends.
SHROOM: That sounds pretty wild.
MEEMEE: But you know, I am back. Been focusing on myself for a while now. I have tried some knight things, which was pretty fun. Meemee even got a promotion!
CODE: Oh, what kind of adventures have you been having?
MEEMEE: Well, I have an outrageous story where I pretended to be a poor rat, and that poor rat pretended to be a knight. Then I did tournaments, fighting with other knights, mostly jousting. There was even a ball where I almost got with a princess. Eventually, the whole crowd found out I was poor, but respected me as the knight I was all along.
ARI: Wh-I have so many questions. Ho-
CODE: Yeah, like did you participate in the summer? Like could you feel the Heath?
USIDORE: I presume you had a Ledger that recorded this information?
MEEMEE: Mmhmm, I got it right here. Let me see what I got:
Meemee pulls out a tiny little notebook and reads from it.
MEEMEE (CONT’D): It says, “ask me about my scars”, “I can’t quit you” …
SHROOM: Try checking under “The Dark Knight”.
MEEMEE: No, I’m not checking under “The Dark Knight”, you Joker.
SHROOM: Don’t give me 10 things to hate about you.
MEEMEE: That’s a little rude.
ARI: Can I just ask, how can you joust as a rat?
MEEMEE: Well, as a rat with human strength, I just-
Meemee mimics straddling a horse. He pulls out his sword and points it to the sky. The group closes in on the table to watch him go. Shroom rolls closer to the center for a better look.
MEEMEE: Hut ta ta ta ta tuh-climb up and- Hut ta ta- and there’s my lance. Meemee is ready to go.
USIDORE: What a wonderful graphic image you presented.
CODE: And I can even imagine the wind flowing through your luscious Guy Fieri hair!
ARI: Meemee, no offense, but you’re so small. How can you compete with the other knights?
MEEMEE: How do you think I always win?
ARI: You got a point.
CODE: And Shroom, what have you been up to?
SHROOM: Well, I’ve actually been having a rough time because of Usidore.
USIDORE: What did I do?
SHROOM: Did you not see the sizable bite mark on the rim of my mushroom cap?
Shroom turns his mushroom cap to the group to get a better view.
ARI: I never pegged you as a “cap” person.
MEEMEE: I thought it was a new haircut.
CODE: Yeah! The nibble works for you buddy!
ARI: But how is this Usidore’s fault?
SHROOM: Someone leaked out Usidore’s morglorb recipe, which includes bits of me-
CODE: Usidore, you use parts of Shroom?
USIDORE: Oh, he grows back.
ARI: But not all of him.
SHROOM: Actually, Usidore does take huge chunks at a time. I actually move by growing in the direction I want to go.
ARI: What?
CODE: Yeah, don’t you know how mushrooms work?
ARI: I mean, I kind of know how mushrooms work on Earth, but how do they work in Foon?
SHROOM: So, when I don’t have the luxury of someone or something picking me up and moving me, I secrete spores that-
MEEMEE: Ugh, you are the last person that I want to imagine “secreting “anything.
SHROOM: (Glares at Meemee) …so that spreads my fungus-
MEEMEE: EW EW THAT MAKES IT WORSE!!
SHROOM: -and I become the next iteration forwards. There!
USIDORE: Ah yes, and I use the parts left over in my morglorb recipe. It is-uh, the second main ingredient. (leans to Code) The first ingredient is Miracle Whip.
ARI: Can I ask, is Shroom…pubes?
SHROOM: Well, I wouldn’t simplify it as-
MEEMEE: Shroom is pubes.
CODE: Sounds like Shroom is pubes.
SHROOM: (chuckles discontent) Ha, you guys sucks.
ARI: And the bite mark?
SHROOM: Oh yeah. When everyone found out Usidore’s recipe, people tried to eat me, hoping to get high. I had to find somewhere dark where no one would find me.
MEEMEE: Shroom, you went somewhere dark and…dank? Sounds like a perfect place to find drug ingredients.
SHROOM: I’m starting to regret having you pick me up.
MEEMEE: Aw, I thought us together would make us fun guys.
SHROOM: We’re more like low hanging fruit.
USIDORE: (to Ari) I can still get you some morglorb if you’re interested.
ARI: Whoa, easy there, Walter White. I think I’m good without it.
USIDORE: Who is this Walter White? I cannot be someone who is white, for I AM USIDORE THE BLUE!
CODE: But let’s be clear, you’re pretty fucking white.
ARI: But it’s great to have both of you here! How did you two hear about the event?
MEEMEE: Well, I heard it from my tinder date.
ARI: Your what?
MEEMEE: My tinder date!
CODE: Oh Ari, let me explain; in Foon, a tinder date is when you schedule a tinder to come to your house and light a fire. You tell them where to light it by swiping your hand left or right. Does that make sense?
ARI: Mmmhmm
MEEMEE: And sometimes you fuck them.
USIDORE: And did you?
MEEMEE: A classy rat never kisses and tells. So yeah, I did. My ratty ass is on the rebound and on the prowl.
SHROOM: And I’m here for moral support.
ARI: Well, no need to be down on yourself.
SHROOM: No, I’m here to support Meemee. You know, be his Wing-shroom.
MEEMEE: Yeah, I’ll look better in comparison.
SHROOM: Ho-how is it that I’m the one still being dunked on.
ARI: Dunked?
SHROOM: Ugh, I don’t want to talk about Foon Stuff.
ARI: So Meemee, you’re back on the market again, good for you!
MEEMEE: Mmhmm, putting myself back out there and putting my best foot forward. And when I get up there, I’m going to sing my little heart out and My Heart Will Go On.
USIDORE: I believe there will not be a dry eye in the house. You’ll sink some ships with that siren song.
MEEMEE: It will be so good! the ladies will be throwing Roses at my door.
ARI: The door that can only hold one person?
MEEMEE: There’s no way a door can hold two people, not even if you shifted over a little bit.
CODE: Meemee, I’m really liking this vibe you’re putting out. Really a lot of BDE.
ARI: BDE?
MEEMEE: BDE stands for…Birds…dying everywhere.
USIDORE: (solemnly) Oh, I love birds…
MEEMEE: Yeah, it is to emit energy so powerful, you just kill all the birds around you.
SHROOM: Or you strut around like you have a Big Dick.
ARI: Ah, big dick energy…
MEEMEE: That’s what I got.
SHROOM: The energy of a massive penis?
CODE: But seriously, I want to get back in the game too! Code is back baybee! Make space on that sex tapestry!
ARI: Right, that’s still a thing.
CODE: I know it hasn’t been updated for a while, but until Eggy Baby comes back to me in the mail, I might as well strut my stuff. In Foon, we call it seagulling.
USIDORE: Ah yes, the act of seagulling. Where you c-call out into the room filled with people, find a f-fine gentleman or a lovely l-lady and scream “mine” repeatedly.
ARI: Is it like peacocking?
USIDORE: Why would anyone act like a peacock? They are the second most pretentious bird! Next to the fucking starlings.
SHROOM: Is it because we were talking about big dick energy?
ARI: Nevermind. Although, I am a little surprised that you want to sing, Code. I never pegged you for a singer.
CODE: Is it because I have a grizzly voice?
ARI: What? No! I-
CODE: Well let me tell you, Ari, I have a beautiful voice. And I don’t know what it is about this form, but wanting to sing is, like, a necessity.
MEEMEE: A bear necessity?
CODE: YES! A simple bear necessity.
SHROOM: There’s something about that that makes me want to dance.
CODE: Right!? (starts dancing) It just makes me forget all my worries and my strife.
ARI: Does that dance have a name?
CODE: My Beary Merry Dance?
ARI: Not a Baloo galoo?
CODE: I hate how smug you look right now. Why are you so smug?
MEEMEE: Yeah, a Baloogie Oogie sounds much more fun.
SHROOM: That just sounds like a booger.
CODE: Ari, didn’t you say that there is a Boo-ger King on Earth? And that they sell Woo-pers?
ARI: Mmhmm, it’s the leading competitor to McDoogles.
SHROOM: I could go for McDoogles and their famous Big Mick.
USIDORE: It sounds racist when you say it like that, Mushroom.
SHROOM: It’s Shroomie.
MEEMEE: Wait, is that really your name? I’ve been calling you Shroom.
SHROOM: Yeah, I-
CODE: Have we been calling you the wrong name this entire time?
USIDORE: It just sounds like a missed opportunity.
SHROOM: M-My name is Shroom! But I do like the name Shroomie.
MEEMEE: Hey, maybe I can move in with you in your little mushroom cave and we can shroom-mates? And I can call you my Shroomie.
SHROOM: I haven’t needed a shroom-mate since college.
USIDORE: I imagine your t-trail of self can be considered your roommates.
SHROOM: I guess I do have a little Shroomie hanging out with me from time to time.
CODE: Is that what you call it? Gross.
SHROOM: No No! -
ARI: I’m sorry, can I ask you something Shroom? Now for the last 6 years that I’ve known you-
MEEMEE: From the first time she threw you off from that cliff to now.
CODE: Yes, that did happen.
ARI: Well, I never knew you went to college.
SHROOM: Yeah, I went to the Eyes University, home of the bucks.
MEEMEE: That’s where you learn how to get to the Ohio State?
SHROOM: Mmhmm
ARI: Wait, all this time, you have an Ohio here in Foon?
SHROOM: Yup, it was a class where we got high. We would go “oh!”, then we’re high, and when we come down from that high, we go “oh…”
ARI: Oh…
SHROOM: Yup, just like that.
USIDORE: It is very similar to the wizard state. Here, watch! (mixes of mumbles and whispers) …chamber pots…among us…two dollars off next purchase...
Usidore continues to mumble while the rest of the group kind of rolls their eyes. In the back, OPEN MICHELLE starts prepping the stage and brings a piece of paper on a stool. The band in the back also starts to tune and set up.
CODE: Seamless.
ARI: Well, I think the signup sheet for karaoke is opening up, so why don’t we take a break while she’s in the wizard state and think about some songs that we can sing!
CODE: Oooo Oooo, I know the perfect song to sign you up for.
ARI: I have to sing, too?
CODE: Wait, so you were hoping that you got to be the asshole that doesn’t sing?
ARI: I don’t know any songs from Foon!
SHROOM: Why say “we” then?
ARI: I mean the royal we!
CODE: While I was Queen of the Bear, I took a royal wee.
MEEMEE: Look, it’s easy! Here, I’ll help find you a song, then maybe the ladies will get jealous that I’m already hanging out with a lady and go “Hey, hands off!”
ARI: Have you ever talked to a woman before? Like ever?
USIDORE: (more mumbles and whispers)-…bone, boot, ball, bell nuggies...
FADE OUT: